


Wish You Were Here

by potionsmaster



Series: The Storm That Brought Me To You [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst and Humor, Apple Butter, Canadian Cowboy, Crank the Flirt to 11, Dark Horse, Drinking Games, Everybody's Irish if they're from Boston, Evil Distraction, Exotic Biotic, Family Fluff, French Connection, Friendship / Flirting / Thinking of You Fest, Headbutting is a Renegade Interrupt, Home is Where the Normandy is, Horses K?, I need an ice pack, Kaidan's a country boy, M/M, Nightclub, Ooga-Chaka!, Perfect Storm, Riding pants don't leave a lot to the imagination, Sarcasm, Shore Leave, Slow Burn, Snark, Trouble finds Wrex, Turian Bloodhound, Wrex doesn't find Trouble, liquid courage, long fuse, social lubricant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-19 16:20:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 72,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3616317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potionsmaster/pseuds/potionsmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>**RATING BUMPED TO M FOR CHAPTER 10, 11, 14 and 15** The Normandy needs a tune up after the Luna Base V.I. goes rogue. Luckily for Kaidan they dock in Vancouver for shore leave. On a whim he asks Shepard to come home with him. Much to his surprise, Shepard does. They discover more about each other than they ever thought possible. Welcome to my head canon.</p><p>NOW WITH ART FROM ANK-SHEY!!!! Chapter 15: Knight in Alliance Armor</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Grounded Until Further Notice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody needs a vacation every once in a while

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, sweet beginning. Other chapters will be longer from here on out. Set in ME 1, immediately after the Luna Base Rogue V.I. mission. The Normandy crew has been to Therum, but not to Feros or Noveria yet. John Shepard is Earthborn, Sole Survivor, standard 'Sheploo' face, Infiltrator class. It goes slightly off game canon in some instances, mostly with when certain dialogue happens. It mixes a modded save with un-modded. Further author notes at the end

_**Wish You Were Here**_ , by potionsmaster

 

Rating: T for language.

 

 **Chapter 1** : _Grounded Until Further Notice_

 

“Joker, what's the ship's status? I want a brief of any issues,” Shepard's voice crackled through the comm line.

 

“Commander! Glad you're back and in one piece! Not like that rogue V.I. Hannibal? Anyway...” Joker responded sarcastically, “Nothing huge, but we need to make port. Refuel, resupply. Adams said the drive core was starting to act spotty when we dropped out of FTL. I noticed she started vibrating while banking, too. Probably just need to refit the thermal sinks in the hull. Either way, she needs a check up.”

 

There was silence over the comm. Joker could imagine Shepard's face while he absorbed the information, lips pursed and brow furrowed. A sigh crackled through, and the response came after a moment, “Alright. Head for the closest planet-side Alliance port.”

 

“Aye, aye. Setting course. Kaidan'll be happy.”

 

“Why's that?”

 

“We're directly en-route to Esquimalt. Doesn't his family live in Vancouver?”

 

“I think so.”

 

“Maybe his mom can send us all sweaters with the Canadian flag on them.”

 

“Play nice, Joker.”

 

“Aye aye, Commander. ETA 2 1/2 hours. Contacting the tower for the approach list now. Joker out.” He shifted in his seat as he guided the ship towards the big blue planet, fingers flying over the glowing monitors.

 

“ESQTower 5, this is SSV Normandy SR-1, requesting permission to dry dock...”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Rumors of an impending shore leave began buzzing the moment Shepard called for a debriefing in the CIC. The crew gossiped among themselves as they filed past the monitoring panels and bright galaxy map into communications room in the stern. Everyone clammed up as Shepard cracked his neck, waiting for the murmurs to die down. He rolled his shoulders and began. “Alright, listen up. The Normandy needs some well-earned R&R and so do we. Now, I know tracking Saren is still top priority-” he raised a placating hand towards Ashley. She had opened her mouth to object, “- but we can't risk having the Normandy working sub-par. As of right now, we're looking at anywhere from 10-14 days in dry dock. She's no good to us if she's burnt out and let's face it, neither is a burnt out crew. Those who have family on planet, have fun. Those off-planet, there are limited shuttles standing by. Try to keep it within the Sol System or the Local Cluster. Use your best judgment. I will be updating everyone by their omni-tools. Keep it on at all times.”

 

Liara raised her hand timidly. “What if we do not wish to travel?” Ashley rolled her eyes at the question and made a derisive noise. Shepard ignored her, wishing she would lighten up. It was odd how the gunnery chief had taken an immediate disliking to the asari after they rescued her. He addressed the blue alien's question.

 

“There are barracks on base, but I would recommend getting out for a bit. I need everyone fresh and rested. Pick a beach or something.”

 

Liara looked pensive as she started whispering to Tali. Garrus wondered out loud where there was a good dextro hangout. Wrex just grunted in response, looking bored.

 

“Dismissed.”

 

They had springs in their feet as they spilled out of the communications room, chattering loudly. Shepard went down to his cabin to finish up a few reports. He was happy that they were able to get a break, but he wondered if it would cost them in the long run. Saren was out there with the geth. He banished the thought from his head; they needed repairs and they needed a break. Nothing else for it.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Shepard glanced up from his terminal when the quiet of the ship began to seep into his cabin; who knew Spectre expense reports were that absorbing to write. He stretched and checked the clock; he'd been at it for a few hours. The quiet was deafening. There should only be a few people left on board; officers finishing up last minute duties and the engineering squad doing the final prep for the repair workers. He pulled out his duffle bag to pack, then exited his quarters. He almost made it to his locker when he saw a familiar sight outside his door. Shepard ignored the small rush of pleasure that skittered across his spine when he saw his friend.

 

“Kaidan? What are you still doing on board? That console will still be there when you get back, you know.”

 

The lieutenant rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand. “I know, Shepard, but I thought I'd try to get a few things done. All I have is a cab ride. Talk about luck.” He faced his CO. “One could ask you the same thing, you know.”

 

“I suppose,” Shepard replied, nodding towards the mess, “I'm going to get something to drink. Care to join?” Kaidan looked between the screwdriver in his hand and the clock on the console. “Yeah, sure. Why not. Gotta stop sometime.” Shepard rummaged in the cabinets, hunting for his mug.

 

“What can I get you?”

 

“Coffee, if you're making it. Water or juice if not.”

 

“What about tea?” Shepard's dislike of coffee was legendary. He'd ban it from the ship if he didn't think the crew would mutiny. Kaidan smirked a little as he sank into one of the hard, plastic molded chairs. “That's fine.” Shepard retrieved another mug and got out a couple of teabags. Shepard put the kettle on, then turned in time to catch Kaidan pinching the bridge of his nose.

 

“You feeling alright?” He asked, leaning against the counter while crossing his arms. He schooled his face to keep it neutral; he had seen the effects of one of the lieutenant's migraines a few times up close and thought it was a hell of a way to start shore leave. He didn't like seeing his crew incapacitated by anything, especially not one of his regulars for first string fire team.

 

“Yes, Commander. Just a small flare-up. It's better now, without the rest of the crew making noise.”

 

“You're officially off-duty, LT, but we can pull rank if you want,” Shepard gave him an amused half-smile. Kaidan looked at him and saw the tired lines around his eyes.

 

“Ok, Shepard.”

 

“Better. So what've you got planned?” The water began to burble and hiss. He half-turned towards the kettle and pulled it off the heat before it could start whistling. Kaidan cocked his head at that, appreciating the lack of piercing noise. He couldn't help but wonder if Shepard did it deliberately to spare his developing headache.

 

“Not much. I'm taking a cab to my parents' apartment tonight, then driving to the orchard tomorrow. Can't really call it R&R unless I get 'away-away', ya know?” Shepard placed a steaming mug in front of Kaidan and slid powdered creamer and sugar onto the table between them.

 

“Sorry it's non-dairy. We need to restock.”

 

“It's fine. I appreciate the thought.”

 

Shepard plopped into the chair opposite of Kaidan, exhaling tiredly.

 

“What about you, sir? Any exotic place lined up?”

 

Shepard grinned, “Again with the pomp. No. I thought about going back to Boston, but what would I do there? See the orphanage? Barracks here are about as adventurous as I'm getting this time. Probably for the best. That way I can keep my ear to the ground for updates.” Kaidan slowly stirred a clump of creamer into his tea, considering his next words. Shepard took a sip, content to let the silence stand.

 

“You know, Shepard,” the lieutenant hesitated, “you give a pretty speech about a burnt out crew, but we're dead out of the airlock with a burnt out CO.” He fiddled with the tea bag wrappers, balling them up and leaving them on the table. Shepard snorted into his mug.

 

“I don't think I can ever truly 'turn off'. Besides, where else would I go?”

 

“I dunno. Pick a beach or something.” Kaidan hid a smirk behind his mug as he took a sip. Shepard flicked one of the balled up wrappers at Kaidan, recognizing his own words. A blue shimmer flashed inches in front of Kaidan's face as the paper rebounded, smacking Shepard in the forehead.

 

“Really, LT? A barrier? _Now_ who can't turn off?”

 

Kaidan raised his mug in a toast. “Takes one to know one. Now who's resting on pomp?”

 

“Alright, smartass. Any suggestions?” Shepard raised an eyebrow, amused by the lieutenant.

 

“Ever been to the country, Shepard?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Off we go on an adventure! Also, flirty boys get flirtier with each other. If you no likey, stop now. Welcome to my head canon.


	2. English Bay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard gets introduced to the family and country life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go. Meet the Alenkos. More author notes at the end.

_**Wish You Were Here**_ , by potionsmaster

 

Rating: T for language

 

**Chapter 2** :  _English Bay_

 

Kaidan kicked the door to the high-rise apartment open, the white tile gleaming in the light from the hallway as it spilled around him. He struggled through the door with his duffle bag, almost dropping the keys in the shuffle.

 

“Graceful, Alenko. What's your next juggling trick, knives?”

 

Kaidan rolled his eyes at the sarcasm, dropping the bag with a heavy clunk on the floor. He shoved it further to the side of the entryway with his foot.

 

“C'mon, gimme a break. It's dark.” He disappeared into murky void of the kitchen at the back of the great room. Shepard dropped his bag next to Kaidan's and heard the fridge open.

 

“Want a beer?”

 

Shepard gazed out of the full windows to the lights sparkling over English Bay. “Sure, I'll have one.”

 

Kaidan re-emerged with two beers in hand, caps already popped off.  He handed one to Shepard and followed his gaze out over the water.

 

“Beautiful view, huh?” he asked around a sip.

 

“Yes it is,” Shepard affirmed, looking out past the balcony. They watched in silence as a yacht slowly made its way down the glittering coast, occasionally taking a swallow. He stole a glance at Kaidan, noting the pinched look lingering around the edges of his face.

 

“Is your head still bothering you?”

 

“A bit, yeah. Darkness helps, but I can turn on some lights if you want. I have to call the folks anyway, and tell them we're here.”

 

Shepard shook his head. “Dark's fine with me. Just need to show me the couch and the bathroom at some point.” Kaidan shook his head. “I'll show you the guest room. Ma would never let me live it down if I let a guest sleep on her couch, let alone my CO.”

 

“Fair enough,” Shepard said, taking a sip. Kaidan's omni-tool pinged, then gently lit up the room with a soft orange glow. He set his beer down at his feet, hit a button, and a hologram popped up.

 

“Hey Ma. Made it here ok.”

 

“Kaidan, sweetie!! I'm so glad! I can't wait until tomorrow! What are the odds you'd be in Vancouver?”

 

“Pretty slim, but I'm here. That's the important thing.”

 

“Oh, pumpkin, I could just kiss your captain.”

 

“Ma!” His eyebrows raised up in exasperation.

 

“What, Kaidan? I'm happy!”

 

Shepard grinned and hid his laugh behind a gulp of beer. “Pumpkin _?_ ” he mouthed.

 

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, Shepard...You can blow him a kiss right now, Ma. Shepard's coming to the farm with me.”

 

Mrs Alenko tittered. “Oh, pumpkin, I had no idea you were bringing company! Why didn't you tell me?”

 

Kaidan hid his eyes behind his right hand in embarrassment, left arm still holding his omni-tool level. Shepard walked up behind Kaidan's shoulder and raised his bottle in greeting.

 

“Pleasure to meet you, Mrs Alenko.”

 

“You too, Commander. I'm sorry I didn't have advanced warning. Pumpkin's not very good at letting us know plans.” She fiddled with her hands in the orange hologram.

 

“MA. I'm 32. Stop with the 'pumpkin' crap.” Shepard bit his bottom lip in amusement; this was priceless. If Ash knew about it, she would never let Kaidan live it down. 

 

“Sorry pum-ah, sweetie...Aren't you going to introduce me to the commander?”

 

“Ma, Shepard.  Shepard, Ma.” Kaidan said tersely, his ears were still flaming. His mother rolled her eyes.

 

“You can call me John, Mrs Alenko.”

 

“Nice to meet you, _John_. I look forward to seeing you in person tomorrow. Kaidan?”

 

“....yeah.”

 

“Just remember, no boots on the couch. It's white.”

 

“Oh, for the love of...Where's Pop?”

 

“He's checking over the truck. He had to get more grain and hit a pothole. He's going to pick you up tomorrow morning.”

 

“Ah. Well, we'll see him then.”

 

“Ok, honey. And Kaidan?”

 

“....yeah, Ma.”

 

“Glad you're home.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“Don't stay up too late, boys.”

 

“Maaaaaaa....” Kaidan groaned.

 

“Love you, pumpkin. G'night!”

 

“Bye!” Kaidan cut the transmission before she could say anything else. “Pardon me while I go jump off the balcony.” He let his left arm drop as he picked up his beer bottle again. Shepard clapped a hand on the other man's shoulder. 

 

“Don't knock it.  I like it.... _pumpkin_.”

 

Kaidan groaned again and shrugged the hand off. “Don't even start.” He took a giant swig of his beer. “I”ll need more than this to deal with it.”

 

“I'm just teasing you, K. Can I call you K?”

 

“I'd rather you didn't, but it's better than the alternative.”

 

“Good enough for me.” Shepard leaned against the back of the couch and stared out across the bay, enjoying the company. He hadn't said anything to Kaidan, but he was thoroughly amazed that the Alenkos had a high-rise with a view of the water _and_ an orchard. To look at the lieutenant on board, he was well-put together but there was never a sense that he came from 'money'; he was far too down-to-earth and practical. Sure, he was a little fussy about his hair, but that's part of what made him 'Kaidan'.

 

An all-around nice guy, capable in the field and on board, but a little reserved. Shepard had not expected an invitation to be a tag-along from him. He pushed a niggling idea away from his thoughts; his own sentiment didn't need any help by fanciful thinking. He stole another glance at the biotic's strong face and dark eyes. Nope...definitely did not need any help.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Shepard felt his head swim when they finally turned in for the night. They had a few more beers and he thought his pillow felt like a cloud. He didn't even realize when he fell asleep; the bed was much softer than his glorified bunk on the Normandy.

 

Kaidan was closing up the apartment for the night and saw the lamp was still on next to the guest bed. He padded barefoot into the room and was surprised to see Shepard's head buried in the pillow, almost completely covered with the duvet. It was fairly juvenile how he was piled in the bed. All the pillows and covers were lumped around him in a big, untucked mess. He shook his head as he clicked the lamp off. He realized he was only a few years older than Shepard, but it might as well have been a lifetime. Certainly different stories. Kaidan tried to sneak back out, but wound up stubbing his toe on the chair in the corner. Cursing quietly, he allowed a little bit of blue aura to shimmer around him, the biotic flare lighting his path out of the room.

 

Shepard mumbled and shifted beneath the blankets, but didn't wake up. Kaidan closed the door and went to his own bedroom, stopping by the kitchen again for some water and an anti-inflammatory. Hopefully the headache would be gone in the morning.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Kaidan woke up to gray sunlight bouncing off the white walls of his bedroom. He scrubbed his hands against his face, a dull ache still in his temples, but he knew that was the beer talking. He should have had more water last night. He kicked his comforter to the foot of the bed and got up with a groan. The sound of cabinets opening and closing floated through his door as he threw an Alliance t-shirt over his sweats and headed to the great room.

 

Shepard was leaning against the counter, sipping on a hot mug of what could only be tea. Kaidan eased onto one of the stools under the island. “G'morning, Lieutenant. How's the head?” his CO asked as another mug was shoved towards him. To his surprise, it was actual coffee. He peered at it suspiciously. Shepard's eyes crinkled in amusement.

 

“It won't bite, you know. Sugar's already in it. I think I put enough in for you.” 

 

Kaidan sipped it, then reached for the sugar bowl. Shepard huffed a small laugh into his tea before taking a drink.

 

“Doing ok. Beer probably didn't help, though.”

 

Shepard grunted, then took another sip from his mug.

 

“The bay looks choppy today.”

 

“Yeah, well, welcome to Vancouver in March. Gray sky and angry water with brief breaks of sunshine are the norm.”

 

Shepard made another noncommittal noise.

 

“Pop should be here around 0900-0930. We just have to strip the sheets from the beds. Breakfast will be waiting for us at the house. And,” he added apologetically, “don't forget your toothbrush.”

 

“Never would have pegged you for being this bossy.”

 

“I'm just a messenger; Ma sent me an omni-text this morning,” Kaidan yawned.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yep. 0430 dark. Woman hardly sleeps.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Shepard slung his duffle bag into the back of the truck. Dr Alenko gave him a crisp salute and a warm handshake. He had known Kaidan's dad was Alliance, but was surprised to discover he was the CMO of the Vancouver Veteran's Hospital. He supposed that is more than likely why the Alenkos had two homes. He also thought it was entertaining to see how much Kaidan looked like his father while the two of them greeted each other.

 

They both were fairly tall men, though the doctor was a few inches taller and had a broader chest. They shared the same strong jaw, strong brow, and the same pale skin, but the colors were reversed otherwise. Dr Alenko had sandy brown hair that was being overtaken by silver and large blue eyes. His lips were thinner, too, but there could be no doubt Kaidan was his son. Shepard hadn't really gotten a good look at Kaidan's mother through the orange glow of the omni-vid call last night. He suspected she was a little more exotic than Dr Alenko.  Admittedly Shepard was looking forward to meeting the woman; she seemed like a live wire.

 

“Hey, Pop.” Kaidan gave him a one-armed hug.

 

“Glad you're home, son.”

 

“Me too. It's been awhile.”

 

“Your mother wanted me to collect you at the ass-crack of dawn. She's absolutely dying to meet you, too, Commander.” Kaidan rolled his eyes and Dr Alenko fixed his son with a look.

 

“Maybe she wouldn't act this way if you got in touch more frequently. Anyway, Commander, have you ever been on a farm before?”

 

“Just John. And not as a civilian, no.”

 

“This'll be an experience for you, then. We'll put you to work.”

 

“Pop, I'm pretty sure Shepard doesn't want to be free labor on shore leave.”

 

“What do you think you are?” He cuffed his son playfully on the arm, then moved to unlock the truck. “There's a colt that your mother is having trouble with, working out some issues. She's going to pester you about him.” The doctor slid into the driver's side of the truck. Kaidan held the door open and gestured for Shepard to get in the middle, then squeezed in and shut the door.

 

“It's going to be a little tight, Shepard, sorry. And Pop, I haven't ridden in years. What am _I_ gonna do?”

 

Dr Alenko chuckled. “Wear 'em out until there's no buck left, I dunno.”

 

Shepard raised his eyebrows at Kaidan. “Ride? As in, horses?” The lieutenant's ears flushed a light pink. Shepard pushed down the thought that he appreciated the reaction. Dr Alenko glanced at him in the rear-view mirror. He also hoped that Dr Alenko would not be able to read his thoughts; that would be awkward.

 

“That's right. We have a small horse farm on the orchard. I'm sure Dred'll be happy to see you, Kaidan.”

 

Shepard grinned as the truck bounced along; the lieutenant was turning out to be a real country boy. He wondered why it was never mentioned before. Kaidan was studiously looking at the scenery flying by, changing from city to country.

 

“Horses, K?,” he reiterated, “Why have I not known this?”

 

Kaidan's shrugged his shoulders and his ears went from pink to red. Dr Alenko turned down a private drive that was lined with a white fence and trees that were just starting to have a hint of green buds on the scraggly branches. “It never came up in conversation,” Kaidan muttered. 

 

The truck pulled up next to a large house with a porch wrapping around the front. Kaidan jumped out and stretched, holding the door for Shepard. Dr Alenko got their bags out from the bed of the truck and put them on the porch. Shepard got out next and rolled his shoulders; he wasn't used to being crammed in such close proximity with other people anymore. Kaidan threw the door shut and started to talk.

 

“Sorry again for-”

 

“ _PUMPKIN!!!_ ” a dark blur shot out of the front door of the house and launched itself at Kaidan.

 

“ _OOF!_ Hey, Ma,” he gasped, the wind practically knocked out of him by the force of her hug, “Don't call me 'pumpkin'.”

 

“Sorry, sweetie.” It was a losing battle and everyone knew it. Mrs Alenko detached herself from her son and immediately replaced him with Shepard. Her arms barely came halfway up his chest. Shepard looked down at the tiny woman with an incredulous look, uncertain what to do, arms hovering just above her shoulders. 

 

“Um...”

 

“John! So good to finally meet you!” She looked up into his face and held him at arm's length, her sharp, cinnamon brown eyes searching his face. He was taken aback by that. Kaidan buried his face in his hand, the other arm crossed over his chest. His mother then kissed Shepard's cheek the same way she had kissed her son. Shepard gave her an awkward one-armed hug, giving Kaidan wide eyes. _Help_ , he silently implored.

 

“For God's sake, Ma, let him be,” Kaidan snapped. He was starting to feel the effects of not being able to eat anything since the night before; he was starving. 

 

“Oh shush,” she flapped her hands at him, “How was the the drive?” Mrs Alenko released Shepard and made her way back towards the porch. Dr Alenko's shoulders were shaking from holding back laughter at Shepard's hot cheeks. “Welcome to our home, Commander,” he chuckled, “You'll fit in just fine.” Shepard had never been greeted with such warmth by anyone before; not that he could remember, at least. A twinge in his stomach made him shift. He couldn't help but wonder if this is the type of 'normal' family behavior he missed out on while growing up in the orphanage.

 

He watched Kaidan deftly shoulder his duffle bag with one arm and link the other with his mother's, steering her into the house and letting her fire question after question at him. He tossed a look at Shepard over his shoulder and winked. Shepard felt a flash of warmth go through him; he was really going to have to work at not reacting to captivating little things like that.

 

Mrs Alenko didn't notice anything else in the world as she kept up a steady stream of questions and chatter, hanging onto her son's arm. Kaidan nodded along, letting her talk as she dragged him over the porch to the house. Dr Alenko motioned for Shepard to enter the house. He slung his duffle over his shoulder and went inside.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah. Who knew? Looks like Kaidan's got a few little tidbits he's been keeping hidden from the Normandy crew, lol. I wonder what else will be dug up. Feedback much appreciated!


	3. @ss-kickers vs Sh!t-kickers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Combat boots don't mix with barn animals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan really wanted cheese danish, damn him and his biotic metabolism. What a tease...worse yet, he doesn't even know he's doing it. Increase the flirt factor, hehe. Canonically speaking, this chapter has a reference to the modded PC game, where Kaidan triggers the beacon and M!Shep pulls him back, as well as a memory of dialogue on the Normandy that's out of sequence.

_**Wish You Were Here**_ , by potionsmaster

 

Rating: T for language

 

 

 **Chapter 3** : _Ass-kickers vs Shit-kickers_

 

Kaidan was already seated at the island, working on a couple of cheese danishes when Shepard returned from Mrs Alenko giving him the grand tour of the house. “You couldn't have waited for the rest of us?” she scowled at him.

 

“Nope,” he replied smugly, “Pop took one, too.” Dr Alenko had disappeared somewhere in the house. Shepard slid on the other stool beside him, eyeing the platter of baked breakfast goods.

 

“What do you recommend?”

 

“The danishes are good, but you can't go wrong with toast and some apple butter, either. Ma makes it from the apples they grow here. Bread's homemade, too.”

 

“I'll try that, although at this point, you could give me leather with ketchup and it would still be better than rations,” Shepard said, grabbing a few pieces and dropping them quickly on a plate. Apparently the toast was still warm enough to burn his fingers. Kaidan put the jar of apple butter next to him and helped himself to another danish. Mrs Alenko bustled from surface to surface, sweeping up stray crumbs.

 

“John, why are you still in fatigues?” she asked as she fluttered from the island counter top to the sink and back, “Don't you have, oh, whaddaya call 'em...'civvies'?” Shepard was reminded of a small bird by the way she moved.

 

“Honestly, I didn't pack for farm or civilian life. I was going to stay on base until the lieutenant here convinced me otherwise.” He bit into his toast, tasting the sweet apples and cinnamon as it filled his mouth. “Ok, that's good. Way better than rations.” He put another dollop on his toast. Kaidan grinned at him.

 

“Told ya so.”

 

Kaidan reached for another gooey pastry and his mother smacked his hand. “How many is that?” she demanded.

 

“Uh...four,” he said sheepishly.

 

“You're terrible. Don't they feed you on that ship?” Mrs Alenko started to pack the food up.

 

“Not nearly as well as this.”

 

“I concur,” Shepard broke in, “This is great. We need to bring this back on the Normandy.”

 

Mrs Alenko flushed exquisitely. “I'm sure we can find a spare jar or two to send back with you,” she said, “But seriously, do you not have any jeans or t-shirts?”

 

Shepard rubbed the back of his neck. “I have a hoodie...” he started lamely. Kaidan started cleaning up his area, holding the remains of his danish in one hand as he placed his plate in the dishwasher. His mother quirked an eyebrow at him as he leaned against the counter.

 

“I'm sure I have some shirts and things that might fit. I dunno, though. Are we even the same size? I think you're a little taller than me.”

 

“Barely, but you've got more bulk than I do. I got called 'Beanpole' growing up for a reason.” Shepard nonchalantly gestured to Kaidan's torso, not admitting to himself that he enjoyed the opportunity to look the other man up and down.

 

“Ouch, Shepard. If they could only see you now...” He took a bite of the pastry and it started to disintegrate in his fingers. He quickly put his other hand up under his chin and tried to stuff the rest of it in his mouth before he lost it all. Mrs Alenko shook her head, turning back to Shepard.

 

“Kaidan, you _seriously_ are terrible. You would think he actually did grow up in the barn some days.”

 

“Mmnph!” came the indignant noise.

 

“Don't talk with your mouth full, pumpkin,” she absently chided, “Anyway, you'll need some clothes that don't need to be starched before they're even washed...do you have any other shoes besides your combat boots?”

 

“That's a negative, Mrs A. I don't exactly have much going for me outside of the military. I'm almost always on base or deployed, no real need for personal effects.”

 

“We'll need to take you shopping, then. Get you some barn boots, jeans, that sort of thing, so at least you'll be comfortable here. You can raid the boys' closets for shirts and jackets.”

 

“That's not necessary, Mrs Al-”

 

“Nonsense!” She cut him off with a firm shake of her head, “You're a guest and we want you to have something to remember us by.”

 

Shepard rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, feeling out of place. He suspected this might be what it was like to be hen-pecked. It was kind of nice, but off-putting all at once.

 

“Just go with it, Shepard,” Kaidan said in between licking icing off his fingers, “She's not going to give it up,” (nibble, lick) “and trust me.” His tongue swiped up his middle finger, then he started working on his thumb, “Yuurr gon' with 'oo had thsom booths on.”

 

“I'm sorry, was that English? I didn't catch that,” Shepard laughed, looking at the other man. Damn him and that danish. Mrs Alenko furrowed her brow and looked miffed. Kaidan smirked and removed his thumb from his mouth with a small 'pop'.

 

“I said, 'You're going to wish you had some boots on.' It's better to not have to clean shit out of the treads of your ass-kickers.”

 

“ _Kaidan_. Language!” The change in his mother's voice was like a thunderclap. Both men felt their spines straighten involuntarily. Dr Alenko laughed from somewhere deeper inside the house.

 

“C'mon. We'll go raid the closets, then go down to the barn. I want to see Dred.” He nibbled delicately at the top of his thumb as he pushed himself off the counter. Mrs Alenko snapped a dishtowel at her son's behind. Shepard ran his tongue over one of his canines, trying not to follow the motion of the cloth.

 

“You're still terrible, but I guess I'll keep you for now,” she griped at her son. Kaidan chuckled as he led Shepard up the stairs. As they made their way into Kaidan's bedroom, Shepard asked, “Are you done doing obscene things to your thumb? Because it's distracting.”

 

Kaidan's eyes widened. “With genuine surprise, human, I didn't think about it that way. It was a tasty danish.”

 

Shepard groaned, “Oh, god....not an elcor joke. I get enough of those from Joker.” Kaidan ignored him, rifling through his dresser for a few pairs of jeans. He tossed them at Shepard and went into his closet, shifting the hangers so he could assess the clothes. He took a few flannels and long sleeved t-shirts out, turning to give them to Shepard as well. Shepard had squirmed his way into one of the pairs of jeans and looked very uncomfortable.

 

“...you know you can change in your own room, right? Just across the hall?”

 

Shepard tossed one shoulder, studying himself in the floor length mirror. “Not like you haven't seen me change into and out of my under-armor before.” He frowned at his reflection, pulling at the pant legs.

 

“True, but this isn't the Normandy. And the door is still completely open. My parents could see you!”

 

“You have a tiny waist, you know that? But the legs are just a bit too short.”

 

Kaidan sighed. “You're not listening, are you?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, door's open, your parents could see me change, we're not on the Normandy. Did I hit the highlights?”

 

“Uh, yeah. That, uh, that sums it up.”

 

“Ok then. What size are your dad's jeans?”

 

~*~*~*~

 

They went to the paddock on the side of the red barn after they had found suitable clothes for Shepard.  He felt a little out of place in some old jeans and a sherpa jacket from Kaidan's closet, but they were better than making his BDU's dirty.  There was a shaggy gray pony there, trying desperately to reach a piece of hay on the other side of the fence.

 

“This,” Kaidan hauled the pony's head up and started scratching the broad cheek, “is Dreadnought. Dred for short.”

 

“Dreadnought?” Shepard raised his eyebrows. Kaidan shifted, rubbing the pony's face under the forelock.

 

“Yeah. When we first got him, Pop said he had 'a 'tude the size of a dreadnought' and it stuck.” Shepard smiled at that but kept his hands in his pockets. “I learned how to ride on this guy,” Kaidan said as Dred started nosing his pockets. He must have smelled the apples Mrs Alenko had given them. Kaidan absentmindedly repelled the pony's muzzle.

 

“Do you want to pet him?”

 

“Maybe. Will he bite?”

 

Kaidan chuckled, “Maybe. Depends if he thinks he's getting something to eat.” Shepard gingerly patted Dred's nose and allowed Kaidan to show him how to keep his hand flat while the pony lipped the fruit off his palm. After the pony was done chewing, he whuffled and started scrubbing his head against Shepard's arm. Kaidan laughed again as Shepard struggled to keep his balance and wipe the snot off his hand.

 

“Ready to move on?”

 

“I suppose. Are they all going to be like this?” Shepard asked, pulling his sleeve away from the nibbling pony. Kaidan pushed Dred's face away and the pony squealed, nipping at him. “No, they're usually not this pushy. What're you gonna do, tough guy? Huh?” Kaidan swatted Dred's muzzle. The pony blew another whuff towards him, then ambled off.

 

“The rest of the herd is down there in the lower pasture, but I don't feel like going all the way out there. Plus, you have your combat boots on. We need to get you a good pair of shit-kickers. Besides, you'll meet them all at some point. I'm sure Ma will coerce at least me into helping her feed them.” He headed into the barn. Shepard watched Dred walk towards the group of horses. A few birds chirped and woolen gray clouds scudded across the sky. With one last glance, he followed Kaidan into the barn and waited for his eyes to adjust to the semi-darkness.

 

“Come meet Li'l Dred.”

 

“Another one? How many ponies do you have?”

 

“Currently? Just the one.” Kaidan flipped on the overhead lights and opened the breezeway door. He went to the closest stall door where a huge gray head was hanging over. A deep whicker sounded.

 

“This is Li'l Dred.”

 

Shepard's jaw dropped. “Your family likes irony, I'm picking up...he's as big as the Mako.”

 

“Yeah, I guess you could say that,” Kaidan laughed. “Li'l Dred definitely isn't, but most Percherons aren't. Pop said he thought it was only appropriate. Dred's the herd boss and Li'l Dred follows him where ever. Kinda looks like him, too...”

 

Shepard stroked the massive muzzle and the draft horse blinked lazy brown eyes in return. Kaidan watched quietly, a small smile on his face. It was a sight for sore eyes. Shepard was completely out of his element and knew it, but he was never one to back down from a potentially difficult situation.

 

“Like this one a little better?”

 

“I guess. The other one was convinced I was food, so...” Kaidan handed him more apple pieces. “Why do you have one so big, anyway?”

 

“He pulls the hay wagon. My parents open the orchard up to people in the fall who want to pick their own apples and they do a little hay ride. I think they also do a pumpkin patch, too, but I don't remember.” Kaidan started going down the corridor, checking the stalls. Shepard gave a few last pats, unashamedly using the horse as a napkin to wipe away the sticky juice and horse saliva, then followed.

 

“I have to admit, when you said your family owned an orchard and farm, I thought a couple of rows of trees and maybe some chickens. This is not what I expected at all.”

 

Kaidan grinned at him. “Sorry to disappoint.”

 

“Pumpkin?” they heard Mrs Alenko call from outside, “Where are you?”

 

“We're in here, Ma! And don't call me that!” She opened the large door on the other end of the breezeway and stepped in.

 

“Sure, honey. What do you think of the new one?”

 

“Haven't gotten there yet.”

 

“I see. Well, I suppose that's good, because I want your initial opinion anyway.” She waited for them to reach her, then the three of them turned the corner and went down the next breezeway. Stalls lined a gigantic indoor arena; they could hear neighing and thumping the closer they got to the end.

 

“There, in that stall. At the end.”

  
Shepard sensed movement, but couldn't see in the darkened space. Kaidan stepped closer, peering into the gloom. An angry bugle sounded from the stall and a mass of black hair, flashing eyes, and champing teeth lunged at him. Shepard instinctively grabbed Kaidan's jacket and pulled him back from the door, tripping over the extra feet as a huge BANG sounded from the wooden door. The stall shuddered as two hooves connected to it. He grunted as Kaidan landed on him in a heap. It wasn't a dissimilar situation from the beacon, Shepard thought, although in that instance he had been able to push Kaidan clear of the danger instead of pulling the man on top of himself.

 

He wasn't willing to let himself explore which scenario he preferred of the two, but he failed.  He supposed this one was more to his liking, simply because he didn't have a Prothean beacon downloading awful visions into his skull. That was the absolute only reason he preferred this instance. Shepard scoffed internally; even he couldn't pretend to believe himself on that. Mrs Alenko was gazing at the horse, lost in thought.

 

“Ma! A little help?” Kaidan grumped, trying to disentangle himself from Shepard, “And what the hell just happened?” Mrs Alenko looked down at him distractedly, then stuck out a hand to pull her son up from the ground.

 

“Sorry, Shepard...” Kaidan turned around and heaved his CO off the ground as well, “You always seem to have my back.”

 

“It's what I do. And I'm good at what I do.”

 

“Lucky for me. Seriously, Ma, what the actual hell?”

 

“Oh, pumpkin, I'm so sorry! I didn't think Wraith'd do something like that. This is the one I need help with.”

 

“Uh huh. Why can't Pop deal with him?”

 

“He's getting older.”

 

“He's got plenty of life left in him.”

 

“Kaidan, he's already been thrown and doesn't want a repeat experience. He was lucky all he had was a bruised seat and a bruised ego.”

 

“So get rid of this one.”

 

Her mouth twisted. Shepard knew that expression anywhere; that look was one he had seen occasionally cloud the lieutenant's face. Kaidan furrowed his brows, recognizing it as well.

 

“Did you make 'the Promise'?”

 

Shepard crossed his arms and leaned against the arena wall, watching the exchange quietly. The black horse paced back and forth, snorting.

 

“I'm afraid I did.”

 

“Of course you did, because why wouldn't you,” Kaidan griped, then sighed, “Alright. I'll try, but no promises.”

 

Mrs Alenko nodded. “That's all I can ask, sweetie. Besides the anger issue, what do you think?”

 

A dubious look crossed Kaidan's face. “I think it's a gorgeous specimen of 'too much for you to handle'. You're crazy, woman.” He rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand, leaving a smear of dirt on his face. He started heading back to the house, nodding for Shepard to follow. Shepard kept his hands in his pocket, resisting the urge to wipe the away the grime.

 

“So what's this 'promise' you mentioned?”

 

Kaidan scowled. “Ancient history, really. Ma used to ride professionally for a while, and gave riding lessons. She trained both people and horses. Horses were always coming and going. I would get attached, then they would be gone. So when I was six, I asked her not to sell one. She asked why not, and I told her I had promised it that it wouldn't be sold down the line, that it needed me and a 'forever barn'.”

 

“Alenko.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“......that's adorable.”

 

“Shepard.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Go fuck yourself. I was six.”

 

Shepard grinned, “And adorable.” They walked a little further in silence, then he asked, “Do you still have it?”

 

“What, the one I promised?” Shepard nodded.

 

“Um, yeah. You met him already.”

 

“Dred?”

 

“Sharp as ever, Commander.”

 

“That's why they pay me more. And for the record? Still adorable.”

 

“Shut up.” Kaidan had the ghost of a smile on his face at the exchange. He wasn't all that surprised that Shepard was so informal while ashore. It was nice to see a less severe side of him, though the commander still hadn't lost the habit of asking a lot of personal questions.

 

The lieutenant mused that Shepard had a way of making him feel like he was the center of the universe when they talked. Ashley had noticed the same thing, though. Shepard was just that charming; everybody felt important when they were given his full attention. If Kaidan were honest with himself, he was glad there wasn't anybody else to take up the commander's time. As Shepard had reminded him, there were no regs against being friends with his CO.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Back in the house, they washed up and changed into sweats. Dr Alenko was in the living room. “So, gentlemen, what's the plan for the evening? It's rather raw outside.”

 

“Guest's choice,” Kaidan tossed a look at Shepard, shrugging, “I got nothing.”

 

“I don't really have anything in mind,” Shepard admitted, looking up from messages on his omni-tool, “I'm not used to this much down time.”

 

“Yeah, I hear ya. This is weird.”

 

Dr Alenko shook his head with a tut. “Go into town. There's a bar, a club, stores, movie theatre. Blasto's playing. Or you can take the truck and drive back to Vancouver. Just be careful.”

 

Kaidan shook his head right back at his father.

 

“I want _away_ from civilization when I'm on leave. Besides, people don't like my kind.”

 

“You've got much better control of it now. I think it would be fine.”

 

Kaidan frowned. “And it's more 'fine' out here. Away from people.”

 

“You can't hide forever, Kaidan. And you shouldn't have to.”

 

“Not trying to.” Shepard observed silently, glancing between the two men. This must be one of those 'family' things he shouldn't be listening to. Dr Alenko heaved a sigh. “Ok,” he acquiesced, “I suppose you've earned a break from civilization. Beer's in the fridge. Your mother and I have a benefit later tonight. Don't burn the house down.”

 

“Ha! We'll manage, Pop,” Kaidan scoffed. He watched his father retreat from the room and listened to the heavy footsteps up the stairs. “He always manages to reduce me to a teenager. It's a skill.”

 

“It only works if you let it get to you,” Shepard shrugged at him.

 

“I guess...so, seriously, what would you like to do?”

 

“Honestly? Read.”

 

“You're always reading. If I remember correctly, you also are always complaining about having to read, with all the reports and stuff.”

 

“Yeah, but this time I'd be reading for pleasure. Big difference between the two.”

 

“So the great Commander Shepard, Spectre for the Council on high in the Citadel, likes to read, huh? What're you reading?”

 

“Wouldn't you like to know,” he snorted.

 

“Wouldn't ask if I didn't.” Kaidan threw himself down on one of the couches, tossing a leg over one of the armrests.

 

“Maybe I'll tell you later. Only if you don't judge.”

 

“Shepard, you have heard my mother call me 'pumpkin' all day, heard about a ridiculous promise I set when I was a kid, AND seen a little bit of dirty laundry aired by my father. The least you could do is tell me the damn book's title.”

 

“Fine... _Harry Potter_.”

 

“Huh. Good series.” Kaidan mulled it over.

 

“Very.”

 

“It's hard to picture you reading fantasy books. But I guess it suits you.”

 

“I was equally surprised at you. Kaidan Alenko, Canadian Cowboy. Who knew.”

 

“Excuse me, I ride English.”

 

“Come again? I thought you were Canadian.”

 

Kaidan gave a wry smile and shook his head. “Har, har. I'll tell you later. Different saddle, different techniques, different seat, different...just different.”

 

“So what was up with that one that tried to eat you?” Shepard asked, changing the subject. He settled back into the other couch.

 

“Hell, I dunno. I guess Ma's been trying to work through it, but she's not big enough to muscle him around. She's no slouch, but he's just too much horse for her to handle; she doesn't have the leverage to get him to do what she wants. Pop can ride, but he prefers the quiet horses and trails. He's more of a cowboy than I am in that regard.”

 

Mrs Alenko swept into the room, putting on earrings. Her light blue gown set off her glossy ebony hair and warm, almond-shaped eyes. Her features were exotic and delicate, but Shepard had no trouble telling that they were related, either. Kaidan had her coloring and her cheekbones. All together, the family looked like a matched set, Shepard mused.

 

“Looking good, Ma. You'll knock 'em dead.”

 

“Thanks, pump-Kaidan. Could you fix me up in the back?” she murmured. Kaidan heaved himself off the sofa and zipped up the last few inches of her dress, then adjusted her necklace's clasp. Dr Alenko entered the room, fussing with his cuff links on his dress blues. His shoes and award medals gleamed in the cozy glow of the den.

 

Shepard let out a whistle. “Some party you folks are going to. What's the benefit for?” Mrs Alenko turned to face her son, resting her hands on his shoulders. Kaidan looked down at her as he balanced his arms around her, eyebrows lifted, expectant.

 

“Hopefully to increase funding to the Veteran's Outreach and Mental Health Programme.” She licked her thumb and started to smooth one of Kaidan's eyebrows. He winced as they both got a static shock.

 

“Ouch!” she exclaimed.

 

“You brought it on yourself, you know.”

 

“I'm sorry, pumpkin. I forgot.”

 

“Hmm. That must be nice.” She fixed him with a 'look'.

 

“Don't be moody. Especially since it's your birthday next week. We're planning a get-together. Family's coming in from Quebec.”

 

“You never told me it was your birthday,” Shepard said, watching Kaidan become more disgruntled by the second.

 

“What can I say, Commander, it must have slipped my mind.”

 

“Tsk, tsk, LT....going senile in your advancing years.”

 

Mrs Alenko was back to messing with Kaidan's hair. He looked absolutely pained. Dr Alenko cleared his throat. “Mina, we should get going. We left money for pizza or whatever you want for dinner. Like I said earlier, beer's in the fridge. We'll be back late; you don't have to wait up.”

 

“Thanks Pop. Ma, _quit it_!” She swiped at his hair.

 

“It always goes _up_ , though...” she complained, small fingers combed through Kaidan's jet black hair. Shepard bit the inside of his cheek, holding back his amusement. Family life was very different. He liked how easy it was to feel comfortable around the Alenkos. It did give him a little pause, though. Kaidan was very closed off in comparison to his parents. Shepard was curious as to why. He was shaken out of his reverie by the warning in Kaidan's voice.

 

“You're going to get shocked again.”

 

“A risk I'm always willing to take.” She kissed him on the cheek, then glided over to Shepard. “Have a good night, you two.” She pecked Shepard on the cheek and he felt a zap. “Ouch! There it is,” she said as she wiped the lipstick mark off his cheek. Shepard rubbed the spot his jaw. It still mildly stung. Dr Alenko shook his head as he collected his wife. “Let's leave them to it, Mina.” She blew them both kisses as the left the sunken living room.

 

“Does she always get shocked when she touches you?” Shepard asked, still fingering the spot.

 

“Only if I haven't touched something metal in a while, but anybody will. Yeah. Comes with the biotics. It got worse after the implant.”

 

“Huh. So I should be careful the next time I kiss you? I'm learning all sorts of things today.” Kaidan quirked an eyebrow at that. Shepard was absorbed in examining his omni-tool again. The lieutenant decided to ignore that comment for now; Shepard didn't mean anything by it. He would joke like that to anybody. Right?

 

“I bet you are, Shepard.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! I told you they would be getting longer. This is what happens when they start going off on tangents. I don't want to stop them talking, lol, but it makes getting them to where I want to go very difficult. Chapter 4 will be shorter, I promise. More 'touchy' subject matter, which makes them uncomfortable, which makes them less talk-y.


	4. I'm Only Foolin' With You, K...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quiet night at home, is all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early post, because I love you guys. I was super excited for this ^__^

_**Wish You Were Here**_ _,_ by potionsmaster

 

Rating: T for language

 

 **Chapterlet 3.2** :   _I'm Only_ _Foolin' With You, K..._ _  
_

 

Shepard stayed in the living room reading Harry Potter on his datapad after the Alenkos left, but after a while the silence got to him.  He wandered around the living room, examining the family photos and smiling at the adorable brat that grinned back.  The lieutenant definitely hit the gene pool lottery.  Even when he had braces, he was adorkably cute.  He had been incredibly lanky as a young teen, then all of a sudden there was a jump in age.  Kaidan had started filling out his frame quite nicely and was staring shyly at the camera.  Shepard supposed the gap in pictures was when the lieutenant was at BAaT.   He decided to move on, thoughts of a younger Kaidan acting coy flitting in his head, and went to go find the much older (and muscular) version in real life.

 

Kaidan had disappeared in the library some time ago and gotten lost in a book shelf. Shepard went to look for him and smirked at the sight that greeted him as he leaned in the doorway: Kaidan was sitting cross-legged on the ground, back to Shepard, ear buds in, and piles of books around him.  He had clearly emptied the shelves in search of something. He was strangely still.

 

"Kaidan..."

 

Nothing.  He must have had his music blaring.

 

" _Kaidan."_

 

Again no response.  Huh.  Maybe he was reading something.  Shepard had a devious thought, a test, if he would.  Oh, he would...he definitely would. 

 

"Now you're just playing hard to get...that's ok, though.  I can see through your little game...That thing with the danish?  Oh. My.  _God_.  I thought I was going to jump you right there in the kitchen, or maybe press you against the wall going up the stairs and have my way with you then.  You have no idea what you do to me, do you?  The little licks, and the way you were sucking your fingers?   _Unf_...Unfair advantage, Alenko." 

 

He couldn't tell if he imagined if the lieutenant shifted slightly or not.  He must really have his music turned up.  He started to speak a little louder.

 

"And your lips...don't even get me started on those sinful delights.  I can picture them running up and down my skin,  _around..._ I can't even say it, I might collapse right here.  I guess what I'm trying to say is...we'll bang, ok?"

 

Nada.  Zero. Strike out.  Goose egg. No reaction whatsoever.  Shepard huffed in exasperation, finally entering the room.

 

"Alright, Lieutenant, what gives?  I'm only fooling with you, K...Why're you ignoring me?"  He shook the biotic's shoulder.  Kaidan's arm moved with an uneasy liquidity.  Shepard crouched down next to him, peering into his face.  His eyes were open and glassy, staring at nothing.  Blood had dripped slowly from his nose onto his chest and lap, pooling on the book.  His lips were blue, skin ashen.  Shepard swallowed hard.  It couldn't be...he can't just...

 

Shepard felt his breath catch in his chest, trying not to panic.  He knew dead when he saw it.  It must've been the old L2 implant.  Dr Chakwas had said the lieutenant was lucky and only had migraines, but...Lady Luck was a fickle bitch.  He collapsed into a seated position, staring blankly, willing life back into the corpse in front of him.  He choked back a sob.

 

 

 

 _"Kaidan...?"_   

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> APRIL FOOLS!!!!!! The next **real**chapter will be posted later today. Please don't eat me. Feel free to leave comments, though...and cookies. I like cookies.


	5. Raindrop Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I like watching the puddles gather ra-a-ain" ~Blind Melon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!!! HERE'S THE REAL CHAPTER 4! 
> 
> I love his parents, lol. Also, given how much time has gone by at this point, I shouldn't really have to say this, but Harry Potter book 4 spoilers. *shakes my head* And possible non-game canon alert: I have no idea if our favorite biotic knew Jenkins before the Normandy or not, but I'm saying he did.

_**Wish You Were Here**_ _,_ by potionsmaster

 

Rating: T for language

 

 

 **Chapter 4** : _Raindrop Reflections_

 

Dr Alenko shut the car door for his wife, then slid in behind the wheel. Mina fiddled with her bracelets, absentmindedly staring out the window to the road ahead. “Credit for a thought?” Rain started to splatter on the windshield as they pulled out of the garage.

 

“Just wondering about a few things, that's all.”

 

“Such as?”

 

“Well, what do you think of John?”

 

“Shepard?” She nodded, looking at her husband's profile. He thought for a moment, then, “Hmm. About what I expected him to be. I didn't really give it much thought. Quiet, but alert. You can tell he thinks about things.”

 

“I always thought that was an 'officer' thing.”

 

“It is a good trait for an officer to have, yes.”

 

Mina sighed, rolling her eyes. She definitely knew where Kaidan had gotten his sarcastic streak from. She looked out her window again, tracing the path of a rain drop down the glass.

 

“So what are you really thinking about? We have a ways to drive still.”

 

“I was just curious to see what your assessment was. He's so reserved.”

 

“Not everyone is immediately friends with everyone else like you, dear.”

 

“Do you think he's hiding anything?”

 

“Mina,” Dr Alenko chided, “Of course he is. Battle plans, statistics, strategies, stuff like that. Kaidan said the pressure on their ship is incredible. He doesn't know how Shepard handles the stress.”

 

“When did he say that? I never heard him talk about it.”

 

“While you were showing Shepard the house.” Dr Alenko flicked the blinker on, and eased into heavier traffic on the main road.

 

“I didn't think Kaidan liked talking to you about things like that.”

 

“Thanks, Mina.” He shook his head, “You make it sound like we don't talk at all.”

 

“I'm serious! He's closed himself off so much since...well. _Since_.”

 

“Yeah. Those were tough times,” Dr Alenko nodded in solemn agreement.

 

“I mean, I know you talk to each other, but you don't _talk,”_ she prattled, “It's just empty conversation, filler. Nothing really substantial.”

 

He glanced at her, raising an eyebrow. “Ever think he tells me things he doesn't want you to know?”

 

“No. Not at all. Because he doesn't do that.”

 

Dr Alenko chuckled. “Can't even let me have the illusion.” She patted his knee sympathetically, still staring out the window. “For your information, we _do_ talk. Mostly about non-classified military junk. Adventures planet-side, career advice. He's thinking about furthering his skills as a field medic, did you know? He wanted my opinion on it. Seems to think I might have a little experience in that area...”

 

“Oh, ha, ha.”

 

“Also, he's been trying to avoid getting too close to his crew-mates. Ever since that corporal died on Eden Prime, he's a little worried he'll be compromised in the line of fire.”

 

“It bothered him that badly?” she asked uneasily, playing with her jewelry again. She didn't like to think about bullets flying towards her son.

 

“He's never lost someone under his command to hostile fire before. From what I understand, they were friends before being assigned to the Normandy. It changes you...” Mina was quiet for a moment, processing the concept. “I had no idea. I guess I didn't really think about it.”

 

“It's alright. You've never had to before. For that, I'm grateful.” He picked up his wife's hand, kissed it, and put it back in her lap. “Maybe Shepard will get him to open up again, get him to smile more. Loosen up a bit.”

 

“What makes you say that,” she said glumly. Dr Alenko quirked an eyebrow at her again. “Do you realize this is the first person since BAaT he's brought home? Friend or otherwise.” She whipped her head around to stare at her husband.

 

“Albert! What are you saying, exactly?”

 

“I am stating a fact. Nothing more.” He carefully watched the road, deliberately avoiding her eyes. The silence grew thick between them, rain muffling traffic noise. After a while, he sighed, then said gently, “All I'm saying is he needs a friend to talk to and maybe Shepard can be that.” Mina pursed her lips together, absorbed in the thought. “I get the feeling that Shepard needs a sounding board, too. Perhaps that's why he agreed to come here. Most ranking officers don't pal around with subordinates that much, even if the subordinates are also officers.”

 

“I guess. But Kaidan's only one position below John.”

 

“Doesn't matter, honey. Higher ranks usually don't stoop any lower than their own for socializing. It's just the way it is.” They pulled in front of the venue, lights sparkling on the wet pavement. Dr Alenko opened the door for his wife and extended his arm to her, giving the keys to the valet. He kissed her cheek softly. “Let's try to have a good time tonight. Forget this.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Shepard stayed in the living room reading Harry Potter on his datapad after the Alenkos left, but after a while the silence got to him. Kaidan had disappeared in the library some time ago and gotten lost in a book shelf. Shepard went to look for him and smirked at the sight that greeted him from the doorway: Kaidan was sitting cross-legged on the ground with his back to the door, ear buds in, and piles of books around him as he emptied the shelves. He was bobbing his head to music. Shepard was almost convinced he heard him singing, but Kaidan had pulled out his ear buds and turned around with a shy smile before he could get close enough to be certain.

 

He laughed at himself for that; he was an infiltrator by trade. Stealth training from ICT made it second nature.  It should have been easy, but the lieutenant got the drop on him. The more he thought about it, the more it bothered him. It also meant that the reason Kaidan was so sensitive to his peripherals is that he had spent the better part of his life constantly looking over his shoulder. No wonder he looked like he never relaxed.

 

“What're you looking for?”

 

“Some old journals and holos I had stashed as a kid. I think I thought no one would find them here, but maybe...” Kaidan had gotten distracted again as he pulled another book out.

 

Shepard left him to it. He didn't much feel like sleeping yet and he didn't want to read anymore, either. He had just finished the part in book four where Lord Voldemort had been reborn into a corporeal body. He figured that was a good place to stop. He kept himself busy by examining the guest room. Everything was white. White walls, white sheets, white covers, white towels. Hardwood floors, natural stone and white tile in the attached bath. He turned his attention to the pictures on the walls. Lots of horses, tastefully done in black and white photographs. A couple of driftwood pieces and silvery abstract macguffins lined the surfaces.

 

A rocking chair and plush ottoman were in the corner, a knitted blanket tossed over it, floor lamp strategically placed behind it, perfect for a reading nook. The window faced the barn and pastures. The dresser had a couple of ceramic horse figures and a jolly, fat guy in a toga of all things. It didn't really fit with the rest of the decor, but he decided he liked it, whatever it was. He turned off the overhead light and sat in the rocking chair, mulling over everything in the past couple days. He pulled the blanket around him like a cape; the night chill was creeping in with the rain.

 

As an executive officer, he had been responsible for the personnel and business side of the ship. He had made it a point to talk to everyone on board, to know something individual about them besides the combat stats and career notes in their files. When he assumed command of the Normandy, he found it was a hard habit to break. He figured it also helped the crew trust him as a leader if he stayed approachable.

 

Shepard knew about Ash's sisters, Garrus' father, Joker's difficulties with his condition, Tali's Pilgrimage, the story behind Wrex's family armor, even Dr Chakwas' romanticized notions for joining the Alliance. He knew some about BAaT, and a little about Rahna from what Kaidan had already told him. But the lieutenant had very carefully kept his family out of the conversations, except to say that his dad was Alliance; didn't even say he was a doctor.

 

To be fair, Shepard didn't volunteer much about his formative years, either. He didn't think growing up in an orphanage and running with a gang was very interesting. He rocked back and forth in the chair, the wood creaking comfortably. He felt like he knew the lieutenant pretty well before this trip, but now he wondered exactly how much he really did. Dr Chakwas did say Kaidan tended to keep to himself. The rain drummed the window steadily, lending itself to a cozy feeling. He wrapped the knitted blanket tighter around his shoulders as he heard footsteps on the stairs; he briefly entertained the notion of the blanket as a certain pair of arms.

 

“Shepard?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Just checking in,” Kaidan paused outside the door, hallway light spilling around him across the darkened floor.

 

“Door's always open for you, you know that.”

 

Kaidan chuckled, “There's a rousing invite if I ever heard one. You lonely, Shepard?”

 

“It is a big house.”

 

“Huh. Alright, be right there.” Footsteps padded across the hall, then came back. He had a blanket of his own wrapped around him. “It gets cold up here at night...” he said, folding himself on top of the ottoman, resting his chin on top of a bent knee. Shepard was glad for the company.

 

“So what's up?” Kaidan yawned. Shepard was still rocking in the chair. “I just wanted to thank you, I guess,” the commander started abruptly, “For making me get away from it all. It's easy to forget exactly why we fight and who for. This is nice.”

 

Kaidan blinked a few times. “Uh, you're...welcome. I guess.” They sat in silence for a bit, watching the rain trickle down the glass. Shepard stole a couple of glimpses of the biotic's face, amused by the increasing sleepiness developing and eyelids drooping. He almost offered to let Kaidan sleep here in the room with him, but decided that would have been awkward.

 

“Anything on your mind, Commander?”

 

“Nothing important. You?”

 

“Just trying to get a sense of balance again, I suppose. It's been a while since I've been back here. I miss it. It's easier to not think about it when we're on board and distracted.”

 

“Is that why you never mention it? Everyone else has told me at least a little something about their family and life growing up. Everyone except for you.”

 

“Is that so.” Kaidan made it a statement, his back stiffening, “Telling you about Brain Camp doesn't count?” The sleepiness had vanished into a guarded look.

 

“It didn't tell me anything about your family. Only thing you said was your dad was Alliance.” Shepard rolled his head to the left and looked at Kaidan, still rocking back and forth.

 

“You know, Shepard, I can't ever remember having a superior officer who was so interested in other people's personal business before,” Kaidan said defensively, “Not to be, I dunno...crappy, I guess, but why do you care?”

 

“I find people interesting...I like to know what makes my crew tick. The better I know their motivations and how they reason, the better I can utilize their skills; I can match them to what I need.”

 

“Sounds like you rehearsed that.”

 

“Ok. I'm nosy. How's that?” Shepard grinned and Kaidan laughed at the bluntness. “Much less rehearsed, I'll give you that.”

 

“So? How about it?”

 

“It's late, Shepard. Maybe later.”

 

Shepard's grin slowly spread wider. Kaidan narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Do I want to know?”

 

“I was considering asking you for a tactical appraisal on the last mission. Since that is what I usually do after you tell me you think you're, what do you call it? 'Wasting my time with personal debriefings'?”

 

Kaidan snorted. “Even when the answer doesn't change since the last time you asked?”

 

“Yep. I keep hoping you'll add to it. You're my 'head' guy. You think about things. If I want a gut reaction, I go to Williams. When I want a thoughtful nut-shelling or an honest appraisal of the situation, I go to you. You help me out, more than you apparently know.” Kaidan went very still at that.

 

“I guess I never considered what I said to be that important. I'm going to need some time to process this.”

 

“It's not like I'm asking to go steady, K.”

 

His eyes flashed at that. “Not what I was implying, Commander.” He stood up, blanket pooling at his feet. Shepard got the message loud and clear: this conversation was over. Kaidan had a tendency to fall back to protocol when he became uncomfortable or didn't want to delve deeper into something. It gave him a reputation around the ship that he was a stickler for following regs and rules.

 

“I should go.”

 

Shepard chuckled, “That's usually my line. Good night, Kaidan.”

 

“G'night, Shepard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's certainly a moody bastard. But I suppose he's got reason to be.


	6. Blood is Thicker than Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Restless nights always lead back to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the plot thickens? I hope? Meh. Refresher for John Shepard: Earthborn, Sole Survivor, standard Sheploo, Infiltrator class. Yay exposition and flashbacks. I'll try to keep the direct flashbacks to a minimum.

_**Wish You Were Here**_ , by potionsmaster

 

Rating: T for language

 

 

 **Chapter 5** : _Blood is Thicker than Rain_

 

Kaidan lay in bed staring up at the ceiling in the soft shadows of his room, hand resting on his stomach. That was a weird conversation. He didn't know how to take it. Shepard prying into personal business was nothing out of the ordinary, but the little comments? Those were the oddballs. He wondered if the commander said benignly suggestive things to everyone, then chided himself; obviously Shepard did, since Ash and Liara were at each other's throats over the commander's attention. Even Tali had made a remark in passing that she thought Shepard was a more-than-decent-looking human. He tended to agree with her, but had thought it wise to keep it to himself. Joker had thrown him a knowing glance after the girls had left the bridge. Kaidan knew Joker wouldn't say anything; he respected boundaries. He was glad they had met and became friends at the Academy.

 

Still thinking back to recent times aboard the Normandy, Kaidan supposed that Shepard _did_ seem to ask his opinion a lot. If he were truly honest with himself, he welcomed the interruptions because he liked the commander's company. That damn console interface never seemed to work properly and he was constantly fussing with it, but he never minded when Shepard stopped by to talk. He glanced at the clock. Early morning. He really needed sleep, but he couldn't stop his brain from racing with possible meanings of the conversation. Much as he liked the commander's company, he really didn't need that kind of distraction right now. He sighed and rolled over, hugging his pillow. The pounding rain helped drown out his thoughts a little. Maybe he should try picking up meditation again.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Shepard rocked back and forth in the chair, watching the rain as it lashed the window. He simultaneously felt out of his depth and completely comfortable. Very odd, to be sure. It was easy to fall into the family rhythm of the Alenkos. Mrs Alenko was clearly the driving force behind it all, while the good doctor was the stabilizing factor. Kaidan was a solid blend of the two of them, looks and personality-wise. Shepard couldn't help wonder if he himself was a 'good mix' of his parents or if it was all learned behavior. That, of course, led him down the path of supposing how he would have turned out different if he had grown up in a stable family environment instead of the orphanage. But he had made his own little version of a family, he guessed, out of the underfed rabble on 10th Street.

 

They called themselves the 10th Street Reds.

 

According to them, they never had anybody look out for them but each other. Looking back Shepard realized that it was not the case, but at the time, while living it...well, sometimes it was hard to see the forest because all the trees got in the way. They made a name for the Reds by doing petty stuff, getting into fist fights with other street kids, trying to protect their 'territory'. 10th Street in South-side Boston was theirs and they let everyone know it. It got serious when one of the older boys had the great idea to expand their enterprises and sell Red Sand.

 

It started out ok, he figured. It really wasn't his thing; he was usually sent out to do petty theft and distraction work. “Johnny Beanpole has the face of an angel,” they teased, “and the hands of the devil!” Then the older boys had cycled out of the orphanage and started living in an abandoned brownstone just down the street. They had been dumpster diving to furnish it for months in preparation. Shepard didn't really plan to join them there after he became of age. He didn't know what he was going to do. But he had been taught that you always helped your family. No matter what.

 

And then _it_ happened. It should have been a simple meeting. Routine stuff. Easy.

 

Shepard rocked harder, wood creaking, not really seeing the rain against the panes of glass anymore. Instead, he saw blood trickling across pavement, mixing with puddles. 10th Street was always red for him after that.

 

_At fourteen, Tommy was too young to be involved. Johnny hadn't been able to stop him, even though he tried. Tommy had a reputation in the group as headstrong and mouthy, and besides: Johnny was seventeen and would be kicked out of the orphanage in a few months. He had more than enough to worry about than if some kid was getting in too deep. He had attempted to bring Tommy with him on marks and teach him pick-pocketing, but the lure of easy money from selling to dusters was too great._

 

_Jared was one of the older kids who moved to the brownstone. Thanks to some aggressive campaigning around the clubs to boost business, Jared had solidified the Reds' street cred and a base of operation. It also gained them a foothold and a reputation for good product and better prices. The Diablos didn't like being pushed out, though; it was only a matter of time before they hit back. They arranged an ambush under the ruse of meeting to discuss joining operations. Johnny heard about it from another Red, Finch, after he saw Finch limp home, covered in bruises. He immediately ran to help. For his troubles, he got a knife wound on the left side of his scalp and Tommy wound up being stabbed in the gut multiple times. Blood soaked the pavement. The Reds barely managed to come out on top; it sickened him. He needed to get out while he still had the option._

 

_Johnny saw the Alliance recruiter in the emergency room and made up his mind right then and there. On April 11, he walked straight out of the orphanage and into the recruitment office with his small knapsack of rubbish he called his possessions, stitches in his scalp, and a firm resolve to rise above what he came from. He would make his own fate. Johnny Beanpole was no more._

 

The slam of a car door shook him out of his reverie. A second door banged closed, then quiet footsteps and muffled voices entered the house. Shepard rolled out of the rocking chair and landed in a crouch, lightly on the balls of his bare feet. He didn't think it would be intruders, but he liked to stay sharp. He slunk out into the hallway, molding himself to the wall. He hoped Kaidan was asleep; it would be a little embarrassing to explain he was playing stealth for the hell of it. He glanced at the partially closed door opposite from his and was reasonably satisfied that the lieutenant was down for the night. The only light in the hall came from a feeble nightlight in the alcove at the end of the corridor.

 

He detached himself from the wall and started down the stairs, trying not to make them creak with his weight. He stopped halfway down, catching the murmur of voices in conversation.

 

“You need to let this go, honey. He's an adult. He can make his own choices. He has for years now.”

 

“ _You_ started a family while serving...”

 

“And I was in my late thirties. He's got time. Plus, I retired after he was born.”

 

“Yeah. _Three years_ later, Albert.”

 

“Jasmina! What has gotten into you lately? Leave the poor kid alone!”

 

“I'm sorry, I just-”

 

Shepard cleared his throat at that and came down the rest of the stairs, taking purposefully heavy steps. Mrs Alenko glanced up guiltily, relief spreading across her face when she recognized him. “Oh, John! Thank goodness it's you. You gave me a fright.” Shepard raised his eyebrows at her while reaching into the cabinet to get a glass.

 

“Sorry to interrupt. Sounded, uh...important.” He filled the glass with water and leaned against his customary spot on the counter, crossing his arms.

 

Dr Alenko sighed as he unbuttoned his dress uniform jacket. “That would depend on which one of us you ask,” he said dryly, “Commander, what are you doing up so late? It's almost two in the morning.” Shepard met his gaze and took a sip.

 

“Couldn't sleep. Thought I'd get a drink. The company is a bonus, though.”

 

Mrs Alenko still had a guarded look on her face.

 

“Right. Well, I'll be better company after I have had some sleep,” the doctor nodded at Shepard, then kissed his wife on the top of her head. “Don't let her keep you up too late. See you tomorrow...later today...whatever it is.”

 

Shepard returned the nod, then turned his attention to Mrs Alenko. “You have concerns about your son?”

 

She exhaled noisily, carefully removing bobby pins from her hair. “I suppose the same ones every mother does about their child when it gets down to it. How old are you, John?”

 

“28.” His mouth twitched in a small grin. “29 in less than a month, actually.”

 

Mrs Alenko brightened. “Oh! We'll have to have a double celebration, then.”

 

“That's not really necessary.”

 

“Nonsense. We're doing it. We need every excuse to throw a party and make happy memories these days. Speaking of which, doesn't your mother ever hound you about settling down or starting a family? You probably have girls beating down your door.”

 

He felt his ears blush at the last comment and chose to ignore it. “Actually, ma'am, I don't really know my parents. Whoever my father was just wasn't in the picture, and who I _think_ is my mother gave me up to the state when I was nine. I don't actually know if we were related or not.”

 

“You poor thing!!” She threw her arms around him and crushed him to her. Shepard jerked his glass up and out to the side to prevent the water from sloshing over the rim. He didn't think it would be very nice to splash water on his host's head this late at night, especially when she was in an evening gown. He gave her an awkward one-armed hug in return.

 

“Ma, _what_ are you doing...” a raspy voice grumbled. Kaidan stumbled blearily off the stairs and into the kitchen. Shepard swallowed a laugh. It was the first time he'd actually seen Kaidan's meticulously kept hair even slightly out of place. He thought it suited him.

 

“We're fine,” he reassured his friend, “I think I've just been adopted, though.”

 

“Of course you have. We are definitely having a double birthday party now, to make up for the ones you didn't get as a kid.”

 

Kaidan blinked a few times and slid onto his usual breakfast stool. “I missed something,” he mumbled, “Let him be, Ma. Sorry, Shepard...”

 

Mrs Alenko released the commander and put her hands on her hips. “What about you? What are you doing up and out of bed?”

 

“Pop said I should go rescue my CO. Something about him being trapped,” Kaidan yawned.

 

“Oh, poo. We were just making small talk.” She swatted him on the arm.

 

“Uh huh. Digging for a life story, more likely. You are so _nosy_ ,” he yawned again, scrubbing a hand over his face. He tried and failed to wipe the sleep away. “No wonder you two get along.”

 

“Oh? And why is that, LT?” Shepard's eyes twinkled as he took a sip of water.

 

“You ask more than your fair share of questions, too.”

 

“What can I say, old habit from being an XO.”

 

“If that's what you want your excuse to be.”

 

Shepard snorted into his glass. Mrs Alenko glanced between the two of them, slender brows furrowing. Shepard recognized it as the look Kaidan got whenever he was concentrating.

 

“Oh god. What, woman?” Kaidan leaned heavily on his elbow, also noticing the look.

 

“Nothing, pumpkin. John, I am absolutely dying to get you up on one of the horses. We'll need to get you those boots.”

 

Shepard thought his eyebrows would arch right off his forehead. “What in the what now?” he asked, a note of worry threading his voice. Kaidan laughed softly. “Don't tell me the sole survivor of Akuze is afraid of a farm animal.”

 

“Uh, fighting a thresher maw and riding a 1500 lb herbivore are two _entirely_ different things.”

 

Kaidan slithered off the stool, still leaning on the counter, eyes drooping closed. “If we're going to do this, I need to get back to sleep and preferably in my own bed, not the kitchen. So do you, Shep. Ma, a pleasure.” Shepard put his glass in the sink and stretched his arms over his head, his shirt lifting a bit. He rubbed a hand across his stomach, revealing more skin. Mrs Alenko pursed her lips and looked at her son. Kaidan didn't seem to notice or care what Shepard was doing; his head was buried in his arms. Albert's words from the car earlier tried to float back in her thoughts, but she pushed them away for now. She didn't want to make an issue if there wasn't one.

 

Shepard gently shook Kaidan's shoulder to rouse him off the counter. “C'mon, LT,” he whispered softly, close to Kaidan's ear. A muffled groan was his response. “Don't make me carry you.” He let his hand linger a bit, enjoying the warmth that was radiating from the sleepy man.

 

Kaidan shifted himself upright, mumbling,“I'd like to see you try...”

 

“Never say never.”

 

“If memory serves correct, I believe _I_ carried _you_ the last time.”

 

“Ha! You had help from Ash, if _my_ memory serves me.”

 

“You were dead weight and in full armor.”

 

“I was unconscious!”

 

“Full weapon load out, too...”

 

Mrs Alenko couldn't hear the rest of the conversation as they disappeared up the stairs. She made a mental note to herself to pay more attention in the next couple of weeks. There was an undercurrent to their interactions that was interesting. She collected her bobby pins off the counter and started closing down the house.

 

When she got upstairs, she peered in their bedrooms. Each was a blanketed lump in their respective beds. She shook her head at herself and made her way to her own room for the night. She didn't know what she was expecting, really. She supposed people stationed together on a ship formed closer relationships than a usual friendship, but she also knew Kaidan tried to remove himself from it. As she slid into her own bed next to her husband, she wondered if Albert had seen the same things she thought she was seeing. She decided to keep it to herself for now. It was probably the wine she had tonight talking, anyway.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like Shepard was trying to reciprocate Kaidan's little thumb trick. How about that. Let me know what you guys think in the comments!


	7. These Boots Are Made For Riding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Partnership is all about body language

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, these boys are all about kitchen scenes and food...but then again, horses. Shepard's loosening up. Flirty banter and his first riding lesson ensue. Kaidan gets a little bold at the end, too.

_**Wish You Were Here** _ _,_ by potionsmaster

 

Rating: T for language

 

 **Chapter 6** : _These Boots Are Made For Riding_

 

Kaidan woke up with a start and glanced at the clock. Mid-morning. It was going to be a real bitch to get used to change-over shifts and hot bunking again. He groaned to himself as he pulled himself out of bed. Downstairs, he heard dishes clinking and murmuring. Shepard was up early again. 'Does he _ever_ sleep?' Kaidan wondered. He slid down the stairs and took up his usual perch on the breakfast stool. Shepard was leaning against the counter again with his customary mug of tea.

 

“Morning, pumpkin.” Mrs Alenko blew a kiss towards him as Shepard shoved another mug across the island. Kaidan peered into it and sniffed. “Coffee?” he asked, raising his eyes to Shepard's.

 

“With lots of sugar.”

 

“Huh. It's weird that you know my coffee preferences, Commander,” he said.

 

“There are benefits to being nosy.” Shepard's eyes had that mischievous twinkle in them again. “At least your mom understands how appalling coffee tastes. We've already discussed our favorite kinds of tea.” Mrs Alenko flushed at that, pleased that they had something in common to talk about.

 

“Pancakes ok, boys? We'll grab a late lunch in town today.”

 

“Sounds good, Ma.”

 

Shepard nodded and pulled up the stool next to Kaidan. “I think we need to requisition your mother for the Normandy. It wouldn't be so bad having someone besides Dr Chakwas get after everyone to take care of themselves.”

 

“....it is too early for that kind of joke, Shep.”

 

“Whatever you say. _Pumpkin_.”

 

“I will hurt you.”

 

“Is that any way to talk to your commanding officer?”

 

“Off-duty, fuck yeah.”

 

“ _Kaidan,_ ” his mother broke in with a warning tone in her voice. “Mother,” came the sullen retort.

 

“John!” he interrupted brightly. They both looked at him, blinking. “I felt left out. Sorry.” Kaidan shook his head, biting back a wry grin. “You are...something else, you know that, Shepard?”

 

Shepard waggled his eyebrows behind a sip of his tea. “Keep 'em guessing, that's my motto.” Plates stacked with pancakes and bacon appeared in front of them. Mrs Alenko had that furrow in her brow again as she turned back to the stove top, pulling rashers of bacon off the heat.

 

“Why so serious, Mrs A?”

 

“Just thinking ahead. Nothing major.”

 

“Really? Small thoughts usually don't put that look on faces.” She gave him a wan smile in return as he chewed on his breakfast. “Delicious, by the way. Thank you very much.”

 

“It's no trouble, John. Tuck in, because we have a long day ahead of us.”

 

Kaidan had been quietly demolishing his food during the exchange, wiping up the maple syrup with a scrap of pancake. Mrs Alenko put the plate of bacon in between the two of them, taking a piece for herself. “I forget how hungry you get, pumpkin.”

 

“Please don't-”

 

“Don't call you that. I know, I'm sorry. It's a habit.”

 

Shepard stuffed an entire pancake in his mouth and started to clear his place setting.

 

“Really, John? Even Kaidan used a knife. And he practically inhaled his.”

 

“I did not...” Both Shepard and his mother looked at him skeptically, pointing out the second stack of pancakes that Kaidan had grabbed. “Oh, please, LT, I saw you eyeballing my food. First rule on my ship? Don't steal my food off my plate. Second is don't shoot me while in the field.”

 

Kaidan scoffed, “You're safe, though I would only break the first one if you stole it off mine. And I'd break the second if I couldn't get it back.” Shepard barked out a harsh laugh. “Do you remember when Joker stole your fruit ration? If looks could kill...I thought something was going to get broken for sure, though I didn't know if it was going to be the table or my helmsman.”

 

He suddenly became very interested in his sleeve. “ I don't know what you're talking about,” he sniffed elegantly.

 

“I do. You're very grouchy went you're hungry and can't eat,” Mrs Alenko joined in the fun.

 

“Shepard's not telling you the whole story, Ma. We had been stuck groundside for 6 hours, pinned down by mercs on a simple recon, and by the time we actually managed to clear it out and get back on board, dinner had been over for two hours. Do you know how much energy it takes to hold a barrier? _And_ provide support in a firefight? I was famished.”

 

She paled a bit. He forgot that she didn't like to hear about combat; it reminded her that he might not always come home from deployment. Shepard picked up on it, and reassured her. “Oh, don't worry. We had plenty of cover from those crates in the warehouse. And outside, we had the canon on the Mako. The day anybody gets the drop on your son is the day I'm a pink elephant.” She gave him another wan smile.

 

“Seriously, Ma, don't worry. We're good with each other. We have each other's six.”

 

“Anyway, Mrs A, that's nothing. You should see how much he can pack away after a flare-up. I didn't think there would be anything left in Vancouver a few days ago.” Shepard rinsed his mug out and placed it in the dishwasher. Mrs Alenko fixed her son with a hard stare. “Flare-up? And you didn't think to let me know?”

 

“Just a small one...it wasn't anything to write home about,” Kaidan muttered, “Again. Weird that you know that, Shepard.”

 

“Again. Previous XO. I did all the restock orders. I know what kind of tooth paste and hair gel you use.”

 

Kaidan narrowed his eyes at Shepard.

 

“Well...unless if you've changed brands since Pressly took over.”

 

“You're enjoying this way too much.”

 

“What?”

 

“What do you mean, 'what'? You know 'what'.”

 

“Alright, enough, you two. Go get dressed. We've got to get John some boots. And jeans.” Mrs Alenko shook her spatula at them, chasing them up the stairs. She furrowed her brow again as she watched their retreating forms, then turned to clean up the rest of the kitchen. Definitely an odd relationship.

 

~*~*~*~

 

A few hours later they were sitting at a little seafood hole in the wall overlooking the bay. They were waiting for Dr Alenko to join them. He was supposed to have been done with surgery and on his way already, but he had the OR registration nurse send a message that there was a complication and he'd be a little late. The three of them were content to sip on drinks and watch the boats on the water while the sun was attempting to peek through the clouds.

 

“So John, how do you like your new boots?” Mrs Alenko leaned forward on her elbows.

 

“They're, uh, different than what I'm used to.”

 

“You'll be glad you have them, though. You'll be living in them as long as you're here. Definitely don't want to take back any barn mud to the Normandy. Tali would have a cow,” Kaidan added sagely. Shepard smiled at the image of the quarian making a fuss about changing her suit filters and shutting off the olfactory sensors in her helmet, but stopped when he had a serious thought.

 

“Not that I don't appreciate the gesture, but I don't know where I'll keep it all. There's just no room on board for non-reg stuff...” He rubbed the back of his neck.

 

“Well, we'll just keep them here for you. For the next time you visit,” Mrs Alenko said nonchalantly, sipping her cola. Shepard raised his eyebrows at that, he was genuinely surprised. Kaidan shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Ma...don't presume-”

 

“What're we talking about?” Dr Alenko interrupted as he slipped into the last chair at the table.

 

“Albert,” Mrs Alenko scolded as she eyed the scrubs under his jacket, “You couldn't change at the hospital? Really?”

 

“There's no blood,” he looked down, inspecting his clothes, “I think.” His wife rolled her eyes, then said, “We were talking about the next time John visits for shore leave.” Dr A blinked and looked over at the two younger men. “Oh?” he asked. They both looked tense.

 

“We're also celebrating both of their birthdays next week,” she announced, “Together.” Kaidan's ears reddened at that and Shepard rubbed the back of his neck again, studiously looking at the tacky rope and buoy decorations that lined the restaurant's walls. “Mrs A, you _really_ don't have to do this...any of this,” he objected.

 

“Oh, hush. I want to do it. I thought we agreed that I adopted you earlier this morning.”

 

Dr Alenko frowned at Kaidan. His son held up his hands. “I got nothing, Pop. Ma found out that Shepard's parents weren't there growing up.”

 

“I see...Well, Commander, you are always welcome in our home. Our place in Vancouver and the orchard are open to you whenever you like. Try to convince Kaidan to come with you every once in a while and we'll call it even.” The doctor stuck his hand out towards Shepard.

 

Shepard's face lit up. “Deal,” he said, shaking the offered hand.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Back at the farm, Shepard clunked around in his new boots, trying to get a feel for them. Kaidan was amused at the sight of Shepard in crisp new jeans and leather roper cowboy boots; nobody on the Normandy would ever believe it. He briefly thought about taking a holo with his omni-tool, but thought better of it. Mrs Alenko joined him on the porch, watching the commander scuff the tread on the gravel leading up to the barn. “Don't worry, John, they'll get broken in soon enough,” she called out to him. She offered her arm to her son, asking him to walk her to the barn silently. Kaidan looped his arm with hers and she patted it as they followed Shepard. “Aren't you going to ride with us? I thought you'd be dying to climb on Commodore after you've been away for so long.”

 

“I dunno, Ma.”

 

“Well, I think you should. It's just like riding a bike. Except this one can think for itself.”

 

“I remember how.”

 

“Good, then!” She released him as Shepard turned around. They had reached the barn door.

 

“Yeah, K. Someone's gotta show me how it's done.”

 

“Ha! Thank you for that, but my mother gives the lessons. If it means that much to you both, I guess I'm in.” Mrs Alenko tossed three halters and lead ropes at him. “Cinder, George, and Commodore, of course. I'll get the tack and brushes,” she said. Kaidan nodded and struck out for the lower pastures, waving at Shepard to follow. He did, albeit a little warily. Dred was at the fence, tossing his head and trotting back and forth.

 

“Sorry, big guy, but you're retired,” Kaidan murmured as he rubbed the Dred's neck. Shepard made sure to keep the biotic between him and the mouthy pony. Dred ducked around Kaidan anyway and started nosing at Shepard's pockets. “Just push him away. He'll test the boundaries of what he can get away with if you don't stand up to him,” Kaidan explained. Shepard nodded as he tried to push the insistent little equine away from him. He didn't have much luck until Kaidan took pity on him and gave the pony a solid thump on the shoulder. “Scat!” he barked. Dred bolted towards the barn, tossing his heels in the air for good measure. Shepard could see what the Alenkos meant when they said 'pony attitude'; Dred had it in spades.

 

Kaidan handed a halter and lead rope to Shepard as they started walking towards the herd again. Once they reached the horses, Kaidan walked up to a palomino and slipped a rope loosely around the horse's neck, then pulled the halter over its nose and ears, clipping the strap underneath its jaw. He explained the process and the reasons behind the steps to Shepard while he did so; everything was to have some semblance of control over the animal. “It wouldn't do to try to put a halter on and have the horse be able to walk away if they didn't particularly want to be caught. That's why the rope around the neck first. It's basically a handle,” he elaborated, handing the lead rope to Shepard and taking back the empty halter.

 

He deftly haltered a coppery chestnut and a stately bay, then demonstrated the proper way to hold a rope in hand. “Everything you do in horsemanship is for safety and giving yourself an out in a potentially dangerous situation...here, let me-” Shepard had tried to imitate what Kaidan did, but managed to get his hand tangled up in loops of rope instead. Kaidan grabbed his hand and easily unknotted the mess. Shepard went still under the unexpected touch, heart jumping for a few beats. These reactions were starting to be a little inconvenient, he mused as he watched Kaidan's face. The lieutenant casually looped the rope and tucked it in Shepard's palm, curling his fingers around the commander's to get him to hold it. “Just like that,” he said, meeting Shepard's eyes and removing his hand. Shepard held his gaze and gave him a small smile.

 

“My hero,” he said, “I know who to go to if we ever get _roped_ into a situation and get _tied up_ in it.”

 

Kaidan groaned at the pun as they made their way back to the barn. “That's awful, Shep. Don't quit your day job.”

 

“I guess we'd be in a real _bind_ , then, wouldn't you say?”

 

“Truly, truly awful...”

 

Back at the barn, Kaidan put all three horses on cross-ties in the breezeway. Mrs Alenko had the brushes laid out already and was bringing the saddles from the tack room. Shepard picked up a brush and fingered the bristles. “Start with a curry comb first,” Kaidan said, taking the brush and replacing it with a what looked like a rubber disk with short, fat teeth. “That'll loosen up all the dirt and hair, plus you'll be able to see if there's any injury to the animal while you're doing it. You'll be riding Cinder.” He led Shepard to the chestnut mare. Shepard gave her a tentative pat on the neck before moving the curry comb gingerly over her.

 

“Put your back in it, Shepard, she's not made of glass,” Kaidan teased. He grabbed another curry and started scrubbing it over Cinder's coat in strong, sure circles. The mare whickered appreciatively, wobbling her top lip back and forth.

 

“After you're done with the curry, use the hard brush, then the soft. I'll show you how to pick the hooves and then saddle up when you're done.” Mrs Alenko had already tacked up George and made her way into the expansive arena. Kaidan breezed through getting Commodore brushed and saddled, but left the golden horse on cross-ties while he went to check Shepard's grooming skills. “How goes it, Commander?”

 

“Dirty. And hairy. Are they always like this?” Shepard waved at floating clumps of hair to get them out of his face. Kaidan grinned, then said, “No. Their winter coats are shedding out; they'll be glossy and much less hairy by May.”

 

“Ah. So what's this?” Shepard had dropped the brush and was pointing at the jointed metal on the bridle.

 

“That's the 'bit'; it's how you steer. It goes in their mouth.” Shepard pulled a face. “That doesn't seem very nice. Does it hurt them?” Kaidan pulled Cinder's lips apart and showed him the gap between the teeth. “This is where it goes. It's not painful unless if you haul on their mouth. Used properly, it's fine. In the wrong hands, though, it can do a lot of damage. Since we're talking about equipment, you remember how I said I rode English?” Shepard nodded. “Well, here's the difference...” and proceeded to show him the two saddles while tacking up Cinder.

 

“You'll be in the Western so you'll have the horn to grab if you need it. The seat is deeper and more padded, and the stirrups are more, uh...secure? Easier to keep your feet in, at least.”

 

“And you're riding in that little flap of leather?” Shepard pointed to Commodore's saddle. Kaidan nodded as he tugged a strap tight on the mare.

 

“You definitely have a set, I'll give you that.”

 

Kaidan scoffed, “Please. A little practice and you'll be riding with the best of 'em. Head on out to the arena; I'll be right there with these two hooligans.” Shepard found Mrs Alenko in the ring with George, adjusting the girth on the saddle. Shepard noted that she also rode English.

 

“John! Are you excited?” she smiled.

 

“It will certainly be a new experience.”

 

She beamed at him. “Hopefully a pleasant one. I'm going to give you a crash course.” Kaidan entered the arena at that point and handed Cinder's reins to Shepard. Mrs Alenko started pointing to body parts and naming them for Shepard. She told him how to mount and helped him up. Once Shepard was settled, she adjusted the length of the stirrups. “What do you think?”

 

“It's a little high off the ground, but so far ok.” She winked at him. They both turned to watch as Kaidan let Commodore amble along the rail for a few minutes, then collected the reins up. “What's he doing?” Shepard asked.

 

“He was letting them both warm up a little bit before working. Once he tightened the reins, that was the signal to Commodore that it's time to concentrate. Watch his body and how the horse responds. Riding a horse is more than just getting on and pushing buttons. It's a partnership that's built on thousands of tiny moments of each of you trusting the other. Just because you can't have a conversation like you and I would doesn't mean that you can't communicate. What you feel, the horse feels. If you're nervous, they can feel it in the reins and through the saddle. If you're excited, or angry, or calm, they know. And they respond to it.” Shepard nodded, watching as Kaidan straightened his back and set his hands. Commodore flicked a lazy ear back towards his rider.

 

“Now watch his form. See how he's sitting? Shoulders back, eyes up, heels down. You can draw a line between his head, shoulder, elbow, and heel. See how he looks where he wants to go next? Not down at the horse or the ground.” Kaidan nudged Commodore into a more lively walk, somehow getting the horse to tuck his nose in. Shepard could tell the horse was moving differently, but he couldn't tell how, exactly, or what had changed. He looked at Mrs Alenko, silently asking the question.

 

“He's doing something called 'collection'. You don't have to worry about that, John. It's a way of shifting the center of gravity and how the horse moves. What you will need to pay attention to is what Kaidan's doing with his legs. He's squeezing with his calves and thighs, and that's telling the horse what body part to move and how. To start with, you'll give Cinder a little kick with your heels, but I expect after a few times, you'll stop doing that and use your muscles.”

 

Kaidan shifted Commodore into a trot and began moving up and down in the saddle with the beat. “That's posting, but you don't have to learn it if you don't want.” Shepard studied the pair as they moved.

 

“Why do it, then?”

 

“It's easier on the horse's back if your butt isn't smacking into them with every step. Plus it's a little more comfortable than being jounced around yourself. That being said, it is also entirely possible to sit still while the horse is trotting, too. Kaidan!” she called out, “Do a sitting trot, would you?”

 

Kaidan immediately stopped posting. Commodore snorted at the change. “Look at how his shoulders are still straight, but he's flexing his lower back to absorb the motion. You'll notice his rear hasn't left the saddle at all.” Shepard nodded. Oh, he noticed, alright; he definitely noticed the rolling hip action. It did not escape him that it was a very bizarre scenario to have his lieutenant's mother telling him to scrutinize her son's body for every little movement. He felt the tips of his ears grow warm.

 

“Can I do my own thing now?” Kaidan asked, shortening the palomino's stride a bit, the choppy cadence making the flexion in his back all the more exaggerated. Shepard cleared his thoat, fascinated. “Yes, pumpkin, thank you.” He slowed down to a walk again and Mrs Alenko explained about how to stop the forward motion with the hands and increasing the weight in the rider's seat to signal a stop or slow down. Shepard's head was spinning with the influx of information.

 

“It's like a whole new set of regs.”

 

“Pretty much, John. But that's enough for the moment. Just ride her around the ring and get a feel for her movements. Try to use what you know about stopping and starting. Pull the left rein, gently of course, to go left, do the same with the right to go right. I'll be working with George, and you can always ask Kaidan for help, too.” Shepard tapped Cinder with his heels and was startled to find himself moving forward. A grin split his face as he pulled on a rein. The mare turned without complaint and kept moving. This would definitely be an experience for the history books.

 

~*~*~*~

 

“Nicely done, Commander,” Kaidan said after a while, pulling up alongside the pair, “What do you think?”

 

“This is pretty cool. I've never done anything like this before.” Kaidan nodded as Shepard continued, “I thought what you were doing was impressive.” Kaidan glanced at Shepard then, eyebrow quirked. “Really? You ain't seen nothing yet.”

 

“You say you're not a cowboy, but you sure talk like one out of the old vids.”

 

“Uh-huh. Watch this.” Kaidan gathered up the reins again and pushed Commodore into a fast trot. Cinder snorted and tossed her head, which made Shepard a little nervous. He clutched at the horn on the saddle but kept an eye on the golden horse. Shepard didn't see any perceptible signals, but all of a sudden Commodore stopped dead, kicking up a little dirt. He backed up a few paces, then started moving horizontally to the left. A few more steps, then Kaidan had Commodore side pass to the right. Next, Kaidan had the horse spinning like a top on his hindquarters.

 

“Stop showing off!” Mrs Alenko yelled across the ring. Kaidan shot her a saucy grin. “When else am I going to get to do this again, Ma? Let me have fun.” She shook her head. “Just don't do anything stupid,” she acquiesced.

 

At a cue from his rider, Commodore picked up a canter. They lapped Cinder and Shepard a couple of times, then reversed direction for a few more laps. Shepard wondered what the point of it was when he saw Kaidan point the palomino down the middle of the arena. He shortened the reins a bit and Shepard noticed that Commodore seemed to be antsy. Mrs Alenko had moved George beside Cinder.

 

“Is the horse mad?” Shepard asked, watching Kaidan deal with the excited horse. “No,” she answered, “Commodore's just excited. I imagine Kaidan is, too. He always did like doing technical training on the flat.”

 

“Flat?”

 

“Ring work. What he's doing and you're learning. The nickname for the ring is the 'flat'. It's common to learn flat work before jumping.”

 

Kaidan prompted Commodore and they started cantering down the center. After a few steps, Commodore's front legs switched. Shepard pulled Cinder to a halt, watching. Every few strides Commodore took, he did that weird leg switch thing. Kaidan reached the end of the arena and turned around, going back up the center line. This time, every pace the horse took the front legs swapped. It made it look like the golden horse was dancing. Shepard was speechless. This helped piece together why Kaidan always seemed so calm and controlled, seemingly no matter the circumstance. Speaking of which, he had never seen such a carefree smile on the lieutenant's face before. It was refreshing.

 

Commodore stopped in front of them, both horse and rider breathing hard. “So? Was that more impressive?” Kaidan asked.

 

“I would say so.”

 

“If you're comfortable, you can go faster than just walking.”

 

“I'm game.”

 

“Alright. Remember, eyes up, heels down,” Kaidan gave him an appraising look, then smirked. “Oh, and think 'rocks in your butt'. It helps you keep your seat.”

 

“Keep my...why? AH!” Before Shepard had any time to think, Kaidan had spurred his horse and Commodore shot forward. Cinder had tossed her head and started trotting uncomfortably fast. Shepard was being bounced all over the place. He could feel his shoulders hunching and noticed he was looking at his hands. He fought to look up.

 

“John! Plant your butt in the saddle! Use the stirrups to brace yourself!” Mrs Alenko called out. She pointed George after them, the big bay lumbering along.

 

“OK! Now what?” Shepard yelled.

 

“Pull back on the reins to slow her down!” Shepard tried to pull back on the reins, but he just wound up with his fists in his stomach and being bounced even more. Cinder locked her jaw against the bit and bulled into it, dragging his hands forward again. She broke into a fast canter. He found it much easier to sit still at this speed and loosened his grip on the reins. He wasn't too proud to hold onto the horn with one hand, though. He whooped in excitement.

 

“John! STEER HER!!” Mrs Alenko shouted. Kaidan laughed as Cinder loped by with Shepard, then his mother half chasing them on George. He pulled Commodore to a stop in the center of the ring and watched as George managed to herd Cinder to a halt.

 

“Uncool, Alenko!” Shepard panted, cheeks flushed.

 

“You survived, didn't you?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Want to do it again?”

 

“Hell yeah!”

 

Mrs Alenko rolled her eyes. “I told you not to do anything stupid! Don't push too hard, Kaidan.” She jumped off the clean-limbed bay. “I'm going to get dinner started. Don't kill yourselves,” she said over her shoulder as she led George out of the arena. They watched her leave, then grinned at each other. “I suppose it isn't surprising that you're an adrenaline junkie. Follow me,” Kaidan said, going to the edge of the arena, “We can race in here a bit. Just brace yourself for a sudden stop if you can't make her do it on your own.”

 

“A race, huh? What do I get if I win?”

 

Kaidan snorted. Shepard had to bite the inside of his cheek, thinking how much Kaidan sounded like a horse when he did it.

 

“Not going to happen, Commander.

 

“I'm being polite, Kaidan. You know I'll win.”

 

“Uh huh. What're you willing to bet?”

 

“Hmm. Meals for a week in the captain's mess if you win.”

 

“And if I lose?”

 

“ _When_ you lose, you mean. You clean my cabin and are on latrine duty for a week.”

 

Kaidan narrowed his eyes, pretending to be serious. “Thanks for the free meals, Shepard. On count of three.” They positioned themselves side by side. Kaidan told Shepard to take up the slack in Cinder's reins a bit to have better control, then started the countdown.

 

“One.”

 

Shepard felt his stomach roil with nerves. Cinder started to tense up.

 

“Two...”

 

Cinder was now starting to act jumpy. Shepard felt her muscles bunch in her hindquarters. He definitely could see why people said it was a partnership between man and beast; he could feel the rising excitement thrumming in the horse beneath him. It made his heart start pounding. He tried to steady his breathing. The lieutenant noticed the nervousness and gave him a half-smile.  

 

“Last chance to back out, Commander.”

 

“You wish.”

 

“Your funeral. THREE!”

 

Kaidan leapt forward in a golden blur, leaning forward over the horse's neck. Shepard was not prepared for the feeling of the horse dropping out from underneath him as she burst out in a dead run. The back of the saddle smacked into him, forcing him forward with the chestnut. He leaned forward, feeling Cinder's muscles surge beneath him, chest heaving. Thunder rolled beneath their hooves. Cinder pulled on the reins and he lost his grip on them. She immediately veered towards the fence.

 

“Shepard! Brace for stop!!” Kaidan yelled, realizing what happened. He quickly unleashed a barrier around his commander. Commodore squealed and shied as the biotic charge flashed through him.

 

Cinder practically sat on her haunches as she skid to a halt, dirt spraying up around them. Her nose was inches away from the fence. Shepard was still in the saddle, though, and that's all that mattered. Kaidan breathed a sigh of relief as he jumped off and rushed to grab her reins. The whites of her eyes were showing, but she allowed herself to be caught. Shepard slid off, letting out a big breath. He stumbled into Kaidan, accidentally knocking their heads together. They chuckled at each other as they rubbed their foreheads at the impact site.

 

“You alright, Commander?” Kaidan asked, backing up a few steps. Shepard noted that the lieutenant was a little flustered at that. He nodded, eyes sparkling. He found himself wanting to close the distance between them again, but resisted the urge. He was going to have to find some way of ignoring these types of thoughts. Maybe he should have stayed on base. He decided to concentrate on the here and now.

 

“Can we go again? That was exhilarating!”

 

Kaidan breathed out a sigh, tension leaking out of his shoulders. “Not today, I think. You're going to be sore.”

 

“Totally worth it.”

 

“Uh-huh. Go back up to the house. I'll take care of these guys. Trust me, you're going to want to take a warm bath.”

 

“Shower's fine to clean up for me.”

 

“You'll want it for the muscle relief.”

 

“Oh...” Shepard immediately felt his thighs tighten as he moved away from the ring. “I see what you mean.”

 

“Yeah. See you when you're done, Shep.”

 

“K? You won.”

 

“Told you I would.”

 

“Rematch.”

 

“Later.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Kaidan felt his own thighs burning. It had been a while since he had used his legs in that manner, but at least it was a familiar ache. Shepard was sitting on Kaidan's bed, quizzing him relentlessly about riding and horses in general. He hadn't expected his commander to be that interested in it, all truth be told, and told him so. “I never really pictured you as an animal lover, Shepard.”

 

“I never had the opportunity. Maybe a mangy dog would hang around the orphanage for a day or two, looking for scraps.”

 

Kaidan didn't comment. Shepard rarely gave any insight into his own past beyond what was in his bio-page on the extranet. N7 designation, Spectre status, and being the sole survivor of Akuze tended to be interesting to the public.

 

Ash had tried to get Shepard to open up some by asking him why he joined the Alliance. He gave her a one-liner about wanting to serve, then immediately flipped the conversation to her. Even Jenkins had tried to talk to him about his experience on Akuze before they disembarked on Eden Prime. Shepard had shut him down fast, saying he didn't want to think about it. Kaidan could hardly blame him; he had read the reports and they were brutal. He figured a better strategy would be just to listen and let Shepard tell it on his own.

 

The commander was fiddling with the comforter absentmindedly. Kaidan had moved to the floor and started stretching. He hoped his legs wouldn't feel too tight tomorrow.

 

“Got enough room down there for two?”

 

Kaidan wordlessly slid over in front of his dresser. Shepard plunked himself down and started doing quad stretches. He nodded at the dresser top. “Why is there a fat little guy in a toga almost every where in your house?

 

“It's Buddha.”

 

“You're...Buddhist?”

 

“Not nearly as much as Ma wants me to be. I can't reconcile the whole 'non-violence' thing with being a soldier, but I try to be 'mindful' and meditate when I think about it. Which lately is never.”

 

“Huh. You don't strike me as religious.”

 

“I'm not. Go bother Williams if you're having a crisis of faith.”

 

Shepard smirked and switched legs. “I'm good.”

 

“I'll just bet you are.”

 

“So why Buddhism?”

 

“Well, Ma liked it when we were living in Singapore. Plus she's got a little Malaysian/Chinese blood in her side of the family, so I imagine it makes her feel connected to her past.”

 

Shepard grinned, “I had a feeling you were more exotic than just Canadian.”

 

Kaidan snorted through his nose and pulled himself off the floor. “Yeah, Canadian by way of the Ukraine and Singapore. I suppose that's interesting. What nationality are you, if you don't mind my asking?” He offered a hand to the commander.

 

“Um, not sure,” Shepard said thoughtfully as he let himself be pulled up, faces inches apart, “We'll go with Irish, because if you're from Boston, you're Irish. Even if you're not.” Kaidan nodded, surprised that Shepard had so readily answered. He wasn't sure if he should move away from the commander or not; he didn't seem to mind the closeness. Kaidan was so busy concentrating on their proximity, he almost missed Shepard's next comment.

 

“Canadian Cowboy AND Exotic Biotic...” Shepard laughed quietly to himself.

 

“I will still hurt you, you know.”

 

“Like to see you try.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Kaidan cuffed the back of Shepard's head, the shaved hair prickling his hand. “You're on, Commander.” He quickly put the bed between them, putting up his fists like a boxer.

 

“Oh ho ho, you did not _just_...!” Shepard jumped across the bed to take a swat at Kaidan, but the lieutenant had ducked and struck out with a left hook. Shepard twisted to dodge it and took it on his right shoulder, appreciating that it wasn't a full force hit. He'd seen Kaidan flatten opponents in full armor who had gotten too close with one swing. He put on a feral smile and lifted his own fists. “Care to dance, cowboy? How're we going to do this?” he asked, bouncing on his toes.

 

“No face shots.”

 

“Fair enough. No biotics.”

 

“Fine. Wuss.”

 

“Unfair advantage, Alenko.”

 

Kaidan took another swing and Shepard blocked it, arms up. “A soldier must be able to adapt to the situation and use all skills, tools, and advantages at his disposal to be effective in the field. _Sir_...” he retorted sarcastically. Shepard got him with a light shot on the ribs, forcing Kaidan back towards the middle of the room.

 

“Such sass...Do you talk to all your commanding officers this way?” He feinted and hit Kaidan lightly in the ribs again.

 

“Just you, Shep.”

 

Kaidan unleashed a barrage of lightning quick strikes with his hands. Shepard couldn't move his forearms out of the block until Kaidan over-reached one punch. Shepard took advantage of the opening and thumped him. Kaidan let Shepard's fist connect in order to get closer, then quickly wrapped his right arm around Shepard's head and neck, pinning Shepard's left arm behind his back. Kaidan pressed himself tight against Shepard so the commander couldn't wriggle out of it.

 

“Rookie mistake, Commander.” The words ghosted against Shepard's ear. They sounded more intimate than Kaidan meant them to be, but it couldn't be helped.

 

Shepard looked at him over his shoulder, eyebrow quirked in amusement. He didn't seem in any particular hurry to get out of the situation. Kaidan blinked at how close their faces were again. A hard thought would make their noses touch. The lieutenant refused to let the thought go anywhere.

 

“Next time I won't go so easy on you, K.” He tapped Kaidan's forearm gently, asking him without words to loosen up so he could get free. Kaidan let his arm go slack and Shepard ducked out from under it. He raised an eyebrow at his CO when Shepard turned around.

 

“Oh, I've got the measure of you now, LT. I know your style.” Shepard dropped on the bed again, panting slightly as he brought up his omni-tool. It chirped at him.

 

“Anything important?” Kaidan asked.

 

“Normandy has been stripped of her thermal cells. Dry dock repairs are going as planned.”

 

“That's good.”

 

“Yeah. It's still early, though. I'm suspicious that there's going to be an unforeseen issue. Because there always are unforeseen issues.” Kaidan chuckled at that.

 

“I should let you get to bed,” Shepard continued, but he didn't make any move to leave. He lounged across the bed, arms behind his head on the pillow and ankles crossed. Kaidan noticed his t-shirt was lifted at the bottom, showing off his taut stomach. He ignored the small flutter in his stomach.

 

“But you're not going to,” he said, smiling faintly. He was amused by the thought that the girls on board would probably kill to be in his position right now. Oh, the irony.

 

“Of course not. I have more horse questions,” Shepard said matter-of-factly, locking eyes with the lieutenant. He was completely at home as he gave Kaidan a half-grin.

 

“If you insist.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Shepard left after another hour. Kaidan got the feeling that Shepard would remember all of the new information he was getting, regardless if he ever touched another horse again. He definitely was not used to seeing this more playful side of Shepard, either. Sarcastic, yes. Questioning, always. He didn't know what it meant. Maybe this was Shepard's way of blowing off steam. Kaidan wondered if the casual attitude would continue once they were back on board and on duty. 'Probably not,' he thought. He fell asleep wondering if he would miss it.

 

Probably.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blah. A lot going on in this one. Though, is anybody surprised that Shepard is so dang competitive? Next chapter is going to have more of Dr Alenko in it. I'm excited. Let me know what you guys think in the comments!


	8. Of Tai Chi and Chai Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They just keep circling each other until they make the connection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favorite chapters. Shepard is in a sharing mood.

_**Wish You Were Here** _ , by potionsmaster

 

Rating: T for language

 

**Chapter 7** :  _ Of Tai Chi and Chai Tea _

 

Kaidan managed to be up by 0700 this morning and decided he needed to do some exercise. He didn't want to become complacent. He started with crunches and obliques, then alternated with push up reps. His thighs were protesting after their exertion from the day before, but Kaidan knew it wouldn't last. He stood upright to start jumping jacks when he caught sight of Shepard lurking in the hallway. The commander nodded to him, then leaned against his door frame. He saw the jam move slightly; it surprised him that his parents hadn't fixed it yet.

 

“You're up early, LT.”

 

“And you apparently never sleep.”

 

“Old habits die hard.” Kaidan hunted for a t-shirt to put on, aware of Shepard's eyes on him. He hoped his ears weren't turning red like he suspected they were. “Sparring yesterday gave me an idea,” Shepard continued.

 

“Oh?” Kaidan's head got stuck briefly in the shirt and Shepard bit his lip to keep from smiling. 

 

“Yeah. Something we did at the villa for N designation that I miss. You interested?”

 

“Always. I like learning new fighting techniques.”

 

“It's not really battle training, per say...more like team building, Tai Chi-type stuff. Sort of active meditation rather than combat.”

 

Kaidan got a considering look on his face. “Huh. Didn't know they did stuff like that at ICT.” Shepard jerked his head towards the hall, wanting Kaidan to follow him.

 

“We need a little more space than in here.”

 

“If it's like actual sparring, we should just go outside.” Kaidan pushed past Shepard in the doorway, heading down the stairs. Shepard gave him a playful shove in return.

 

“Too chilly. Besides, if it ends in sparring, we're doing it wrong.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Shepard made a point of both of them being bare foot as they moved the coffee table out of the way in the sunken living room. He claimed it let the energy 'flow' better. Kaidan knew what he meant, but it was still odd to hear words like 'energy flow' coming from the commander. Shepard wasn't really known for following new-age doctrine. He stood in the middle of the room, vaguely self conscious as Shepard adjusted his body into the stance he wanted. Once satisfied, Shepard moved into a mirror position.

 

They faced each other in a modified martial warrior pose, the backs of their right hands and wrists touching, their supporting foot almost touching the other's. Shepard's steely blue eyes locked onto Kaidan's whiskey brown ones as he gave him an almost shy smile.

 

“So what you do is respond to your partner's pressure. I push your hand, you move. You push my hand, I move. You don't stop the connection between them; you always want to touch. We'll be making circles between us with our hands. Got it?” Kaidan stared at Shepard, feeling uncharacteristically nervous.

 

“Maybe. Show me, and I'll get it,” he said softly.

 

Shepard nodded and began moving his hand in a slow, sweeping circle away from him. He ever-so-slightly bent his fingers into the back of Kaidan's hand, pushing it along the path. Kaidan tried to move along the trajectory he thought Shepard was going to take, but he moved too fast and their wrists lost contact. Shepard shook his head and put their hands together again. “Not yet; you're moving too soon. Feel the pressure my hand is putting on yours? Let me push you along until you feel me stop.  _ Then  _ you start pushing mine the rest of the way. This way, the circle is complete. Neither one of us can make it by ourselves. We have to rely on each other.”

 

Kaidan looked down at their hands. Shepard's were slender and fine-boned, not at all what he had expected.

 

“This is...kinda weird,” he faltered. He tried increasing the pressure on Shepard's hand, wanting to move it through the circle. 

 

“So's having a fat smiley guy in a sheet for a religious symbol.” Kaidan shot him a look. “Trust me. We always did this before partner work in N designation. It helped us get on the same wavelength.”

 

Kaidan furrowed his brow, watching the circle lazily form between them, Shepard pushing his hand into Kaidan's, and Kaidan returning the pressure. “Slower,” Shepard said quietly, “Make it bigger.” Kaidan exhaled out a long breath slowly, concentrating on widening the circles they were making. As he watched the ellipses form, he felt a sort of quiet peace settle over him.

 

He didn't feel the awkwardness of the martial stance or even that self conscious anymore. Shepard was taking slow, steady breaths and he wasn't all that surprised to find that he had inadvertently synced his breathing with the other man's. The same thing had happened with his mother when they meditated together, he remembered. She had sat cross-legged with him in her lap, her hand cupping his own smaller one over his heart while they breathed deeply together. Bringing himself back to the present, he moved his eyes from their hands forming circles to Shepard's face. The commander looked much younger with his face relaxed, eyes closed as he concentrated.

 

“Do you feel it?” Shepard asked quietly.

 

“What?”

 

“The energy. We're forming it.”

 

Kaidan let his mind go blank, eyes still on Shepard's face, breathing linked. The circles continued, a steady ebb and flow of pressure, a give and take of energy.

 

“I feel it,” he murmured softly.

 

“Good....keep going.”

 

The circles felt like the most natural thing in the world. Kaidan's own eyelids drifted shut, but he still saw the circles taking shape, like their hands were mapping the revolutions. He felt a warmth start to spread over his whole body; tingly, but not wholly unpleasant. In his mind's eye, he saw it travel from his hand over Shepard's, crawling up his arm and extending across his chest, traveling down his legs. He heard a sharp intake of breath.

 

“Kaidan...” His name echoed in his head.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“...you're glowing.”

 

“What?”

 

“You're glowing. Blue,” came the quiet reply. Kaidan snapped his eyes open, an icy drop of dread spreading from his stomach as he saw the biotic flare enveloping himself and Shepard. “Shit! I'm sorry, Commander!” He yanked his hand away, immediately dampening the biotics. Shepard gave him a reassuring smile and patted his shoulder. “It's fine. I didn't mind it, actually...kinda felt good. Is that what it always feels like?”

 

“Depends...” Kaidan muttered. He was thoroughly embarrassed; he had better control of it than that. “I'm sorry,” he said again, “I'll keep a tighter leash on it. It shouldn't have happened.” He rubbed the back of his neck, upset with himself, “It won't happen again.”

 

Shepard patted his shoulder once more. “Not necessary, K. I think that means we achieved the goal. I've never done this with a biotic before. That was cool.” He raised his left hand, falling back into the stance. “Go again. See if we can get it back.”

 

Kaidan looked at Shepard warily before he cautiously touched the back of his left hand to Shepard's. He couldn't help being suspicious of the commander's unconcerned manner regarding his biotic display. Most people were scared of it. Then again, Shepard was not most people.

 

They started with the lazy circles again, quickly falling into rhythm. Kaidan felt his eyelids start to droop again as zen washed over him. He felt the push and returned it, steady. Even. Slow. Give, take. Push, relax. Surge, recede. Steady, constant touch.

 

“Eyes open, Kaidan...eyes on mine.”

 

He dragged his eyes open, blue locking onto brown. He felt the warmth start, blue flickering on the edge of his vision. He swallowed hard. “Let it happen,” Shepard breathed, “I trust you.” His breath hitched but he didn't try to stop it. Shepard gave him an encouraging smile as the blue shimmer started to spread up his arms and chest again. Within a minute, they both were covered with the aura, breathing synchronized, circles forming between them. Ebb, flow. Energy shared.

 

“Wow...” Both men looked up at that. The biotic aura wavered and died as Kaidan snatched his hand back. He suppressed a shiver as the warmth faded. Dr Alenko was standing in the doorway. “That was impressive,” he said, “I hate to interrupt, but I need my satchel...” He pointed beyond them to where the bag was leaning against the bookcase. Kaidan grabbed the bag and handed it to his father, heart in his throat. He couldn't help feeling like he was caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. “No problem, Pop.” The words rushed out of his mouth. 

 

Shepard glanced between Kaidan and his father. Dr Alenko accepted the satchel and gave his son a thin smile. Kaidan wouldn't meet his eyes, afraid that he would see disappointment. Shepard thought it was sad; if the lieutenant actually looked at his dad, he would have found that wasn't the case at all. Shepard thought he saw a thread of hurt behind the doctor's face, but couldn't be sure.

 

“We were done, anyway,” he said, more to break the moment than anything else. “C'mon, Kaidan. Let's get tea somewhere. My treat.”

 

“Have a good day, boys. I'll see you tonight.” Dr Alenko watched them disappear into the kitchen and heard them thump up the stairs. That display was something, alright...it felt like he intruded on a private moment. There was nobody else in that instant but the two of them. He tucked the image in the back of his mind and wished his son would look that unrestrained more often. He sighed as he left for the clinic.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Kaidan sat in the coffee shop with a large chai tea that Shepard had insisted on. “I always get one whenever I can,” he explained, “It's one of my favorite things. It doesn't matter what else is going on; the world slows down when I can sit and savor it.” Kaidan nodded as he took a sip.

 

“I can see why. It's not bad at all...it might even take the place of my usual coffee.” Shepard laughed abruptly. “You mean your coffee flavored sugar water?”

 

“The very same.”

 

“I'll take that as a compliment, then. Welcome to the dark side.”

 

“Coffee is darker than tea, Shepard. Not to change the subject, but why did you want to do the circle thing with me?”

 

Shepard looked at the lid to his travel mug. “You seemed like you would understand the concept and be able to put it into practice. And you did.” He looked up at the biotic. “Plus, it will help us on the field. You'll be more in-tune with my movements and be able to react accordingly. Same is true for me in regards to you; it helps me read your body language better. Odd as that sounds.”

 

“It does sound a little hokey, but I get it.”

 

“I thought you might. I like knowing the people who have my back. I like it even better when we work as one. And every little bit helps.”

 

“Understood. Do, uh...do you plan to do this with the rest of the crew?”

 

“I don't know yet. I may or may not. You're my guinea pig.”

 

“Glad to be of service, Commander.”

 

“Well, if you liked that little exercise, I have another one I wouldn't mind doing again. This one is more combat-oriented. Way shorter, though.”

 

“My afternoon is wide open.”

 

“It's a date,” Shepard said, taking a sip of chai.

 

~*~*~*~

 

They were outside this time. Shepard gave a quick rundown. “It's an exercise that's supposed to harden and strengthen your forearm bones so they can block more melee damage. You put up your fist like you're going to make a diagonal line in front of your face and your partner does the same while facing you. You do two hits to each other's forearms, one with your fist up, the next with your fist down. Your elbow shouldn't move from its position. Repeat with the other arm and just keep going as long as you want. I will warn you, though, it can lead to some heavy bruises.”

 

Kaidan nodded, “Let's try it.” Shepard brought up his right arm and Kaidan met it. They fell into an easy pattern, increasing their speed as they became more comfortable. “I can see doing this while waiting to enter a combat theatre, or just working off nervous energy in general,” Kaidan said, boring of the exercise quickly.

 

Shepard agreed. “Next time we're waiting to drop, we can do this. Or something similar. Anything, really, to calm down before heading into the fray.”

 

“Know what also helps? Beer.”

 

“Yes it does. I like where your head's at.” 

 

~*~*~*~

 

Mrs Alenko found them in the living room again later that afternoon, beers open and with playing cards stuck to their foreheads. They were facing each other and holding up the armrests on the opposite side of the couch, knees bent and socked feet resting on the middle cushion. The rest of the deck of cards was haphazardly covering the area around them. “Hearts.”

 

“No. Drink.” Kaidan took a swig.

 

“Red.” 

 

“Yep.”

 

“Diamonds.”

 

“Nope. Drink.” Shepard drank.

 

“Clubs.”

 

“Yep.”

 

“High...?” Shepard narrowed his eyes, drawing out the suspense.

 

“.....no.”

 

“Damn.” Kaidan sighed and took another draft. Mrs Alenko cleared her throat. Both men looked up, surprised to see her. “Hey! How's it going, Ma?” Kaidan asked a little too brightly. 

 

“What on earth are you doing?”

 

“Uh...drinking.” Shepard chewed on his lip, trying not to laugh as a tipsy Kaidan tried to placate his mother. “I see that,” she said, hands sternly on her hips, “How many have you had?”

 

“Five? Maybe?”

 

Shepard couldn't help snickering. “You're a terrible guesser.”

 

Mrs Alenko shot him a look. “John, you're an enabler. It's not even dinner time yet! Kaidan-” She was interrupted by her son practically giggling. “It's five o'clock somewhere,” he joked. Shepard slid off the couch, hands up in surrender.

 

“I'm sorry, Mrs A. I don't usually get a chance to cut loose. I accept full responsibility for both our actions.”

 

“Uh huh,” she deadpanned, looking unimpressed, “It might be easier to take you seriously if you didn't have a playing card stuck to your head. How far gone are you?” Shepard wobbled slightly where he stood. 

 

“Only a little,” he sheepishly admitted. She rolled her eyes, exasperated. “Try to keep it contained, alright?” 

 

“Aye, aye...”

 

She left, their laughter trailing after her. She didn't necessarily approve of the drinking, but she hadn't seen Kaidan this relaxed in years. Albert may have been on to something when he said Shepard was the friend Kaidan didn't know he needed.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Dr Alenko came home and found his wife moving restlessly in the kitchen. He kissed her hello and asked, “What's wrong?” She put a finger to her lips, then pointed towards the living room. They heard low murmurs and laughter. Dr Alenko mouthed, “So?” She put her lips next to his ear.

 

“D'you think it's like his friend from middle school? Matt?” Dr Alenko shrugged. “Could be, I suppose,” he said in a normal volume. Neither of them heard footsteps headed to the kitchen. “Don't forget Rahna, though,” he added.

 

“Why not? I prefer to most days,” a tired voice rang out. They both turned around, though Mrs A looked a bit guilty. “Pumpkin-” Kaidan cut her off and deposited empty beer bottles in the recycling.

 

“I don't even care. Or want to know, actually. I'm going to the barn and will be back later. Don't wait for me.” He stalked out of the room. The front door bounced shut behind him.

 

Shepard edged further into the room, carrying more empties. “Someone pull the varren's tail?” he asked cautiously. Dr Alenko sighed as his wife retreated upstairs.

 

“Yeah, you could say that.” 

 

The commander slid onto a stool, leaning his elbows on the island counter top. Dr Alenko muttered, “Oh, what the hell...” and got himself a beer. “Want another?” he offered. Shepard declined, “I better not. Thank you, though.”

 

Dr Alenko shrugged, looking at the bottle in his hand. “Suit yourself. Rahna's always been a sore point,” he started hesitantly. “How much do you know, Commander?”

 

“Enough to know that he was hurt badly when she became afraid of him. And that the BAaT part of his file is sealed. He told me about Vyrnnus, though.” 

 

Dr A stared at his beer glumly while he sank onto the stool next to Shepard. “We didn't know what to do. About any of it, really. He shut down. And so did we, I suppose.” Shepard didn't say anything.

 

“I was stationed in Singapore for a few years. Jasmina lived with me on base. She was pregnant when the ship transport crashed in early 2151. We didn't think much about it at the time, no one did. We moved back state-side in 2154. I was retired then. I just wanted to raise my family with solid ground under their feet.” He paused, taking a sip. “We didn't really notice anything until Kaidan told us the horses didn't like him anymore. This was a few years after we moved here.” 

 

Shepard leaned harder on the island, brow furrowed. “What happened?” he asked gently.

 

“We started watching more closely whenever he interacted with them. Every time he initially touched them, they flinched. Like they got shocked by an electric fence. It was worse when he tried to bridle them. I suppose the metal bits didn't help. We eventually figured out that rubber shoes worked better for the horses than the usual iron; they were somewhat insulated.” 

 

Dr Alenko took a long pull of his beer, before continuing. “It was around this time we started hearing troubling rumors about other children born in 2151 in or around Singapore. Brain tumors. Seizures. Various other aggressive cancers.”

 

Shepard nodded. “The eezo exposure, right?”

 

“Right. Kaidan had been complaining of headaches constantly. The only time he didn't was when he was with the horses. They gave him a distraction. And then, of course, came the war with the turians...that was 2157. He was six at the time.”

 

“Sounds like a difficult time all around,” Shepard sympathized.

 

“It was. He missed a lot of school because we kept dragging him to specialist after specialist, doing scans, running labs. Trying to find answers. We were terrified we might lose our little boy...our _only_ little boy. We already knew that we couldn't have another.”

 

“Tough break,” the commander grimaced.

 

“Yeah, you're telling me. All the scans we did on him came back clear, no tumors. We saw him starting to move objects when he was upset, and he was a lot of the time...so upset. He was getting picked on at school, when he was able to go. We tried to help. Mina would mediate with him every afternoon. Dred gave him something to care for, to focus on besides his troubles. Something to love. We stressed to him how he needed to control his emotions. Riding taught him that self-control and gave him an outlet simultaneously. We thought we were on the right track, finally.”

 

Shepard gave a mirthless laugh, “That explains quite a bit.”

 

“Yeah. He did have something of a childhood. Briefly. We still took him for annual scans and labs, but still no tumors. The MRI's were unusual, looking back on them. His nervous system always seemed mildly inflamed. We didn't know it was the eezo at the time. Anyway. Once he reached puberty, the headaches progressed into migraines. The Alliance started checking in when he turned 13. Said they wanted to 'do right' by the families affected in Singapore. Conatix had developed a program for studying biotics and developing implant amplifiers for humans.”

  
“BAaT.” Shepard spit it out like it was a mouthful of dirt.

 

“Kaidan didn't want to go. So we let him continue on. Soon the Alliance and Conatix stopped being so polite about asking. Rumors were running wild about biotics around town. At the time, nobody had any concrete answers about it. He wound up having two friends that stuck through it with him. Abigail and Matt. Something happened between them. Mina and I don't know the specifics of it all, but we had our suspicions. I think that's what made Kaidan ultimately decide to go, but they didn't give much of a choice. They made it clear that the only choice he had was going with them willingly or...well, let's say they were prepared if he wasn't willing.”

 

Shepard was stunned. He had no idea how fucked up Kaidan's early life had been. Dr Alenko sighed again.

 

“We failed him. Every step of the way.”

 

“I don't think he feels the same.”

 

“You're very kind for saying that, Commander. He turned 16 and 17 there. He left a scared boy and came back a man, in ways I never would have hoped on anyone. He was lost. We let him stay in Vancouver on his own for a bit. Once we figured out he wasn't taking care of himself, we made him come here. Probably saved his life in the end. We owe Abigail for the tip off.”

 

Shepard was taken aback by that. “Wow, I...I never would have suspected.”

 

Dr Alenko was rueful. “Yeah. Wow. That's a word for it. When he joined the Alliance, I was so proud. But now? Now I worry about him for other reasons. Please, Commander...” the doctor stared blankly at the peeling label on his beer bottle, struggling with the next words.

 

“Keep my son safe.”

 

“I'll do my best,” Shepard promised, clapping a hand on the other man's shoulder.

 

“I know you will. It's funny; I look at him now, and I see him as the strong man he's grown into. But I still see the newborn with a crazy head of black hair, too. It never did lay flat.” Shepard huffed a small laugh, “It still doesn't. I should probably try to find him, though.”

 

“He'll be in the barn. He used to toss hay bales around with his biotics when he needed to blow off steam.” Shepard left the doctor quietly finishing his beer in the kitchen.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Shepard could feel the air rippling and crackling with electricity as Kaidan was throwing hay bales into piles. Kaidan heard him coming and whipped around, a biotic charge ready in his right hand.

 

“Whoa!” Shepard held his hands in front of him and approached slowly, “Easy, K, it's just me...” 

 

“Shepard...” Another hay bale flew by. “I just needed to get out and...clear my head, I guess. I'm sorry.”

 

“It's alright, you're entitled. Want to talk?”

 

Kaidan sank wearily onto the hay. “I dunno.” Shepard joined him, trying to pick a sturdy bale. “Whatever you want to do is fine by me, Kaidan.” The biotic picked at the dried grass, bending a few pieces in his hand.

 

“I guess...I really don't know...where to go or what to say at this point. I think I'm past things, things get brought up inevitably, and I feel like I don't have any control again.”

 

“You don't have to explain yourself to me.”

 

“I do.”

 

“Only if you want to. No time limit.”

 

“Did Pop talk to you?” Shepard yawned, leaning his head against another bale. “A bit,” he said. Kaidan snorted derisively.

 

“Can't even tell my own story.” 

 

Shepard reached out and gently brushed hay pieces out of Kaidan's hair. “Sure you can. I don't know your side, or perspective. Just his. And only barely; I think that's the most I've ever heard him talk, and I've been here almost a week.”

 

Kaidan exhaled noisily. “Yeah, he's a man of few words.”

 

“He's worried about you. That's all.”

 

“I'm sure,” Kaidan said tiredly, leaning back into the hay again.

 

“I _just_ finished getting all that out of your hair. Really?” The biotic heaved himself up and ruffled his own hair. “Problem solved,” he grumped.

 

“Not quite.” Shepard combed his fingers through the hair on the back of Kaidan's head, fingertips finding scar tissue. “Ouch,” he said sympathetically, “Implant scar?” Kaidan absentmindedly touched it, feeling around for the amp port. His own fingers brushed against Shepard's. “It doesn't hurt. But you can feel the edges where it overheats sometimes.” He covered the commander's hand with his own and moved his fingertips to the edge of the port, at the base of his cranium. 

 

Shepard swallowed, not expecting the lieutenant to grab his fingers, much less hold them to the feel the rough scar tissue and slick burns. A thrill glided up his arm and he felt the smooth edges of the port meet the scarred skin, rubbing the seam between organic and synthetic. It was a neat study in juxtaposing textures. His fingertips swept over the small area again, drinking in the tactile differences. All of a sudden Kaidan's whole body twitched, then shuddered visibly, breath hitching at the contact. Shepard jumped in alarm.

 

“Kaidan?” he asked, concerned. He dropped his hand to the lieutenant's neck; he wasn't quite sure what just happened. Kaidan's ears turned a delicate shade of pink and a dewy sheen of sweat was on his forehead. He avoided the commander's gaze, trying to shrug out from underneath Shepard's hand. 

 

“Sorry again...involuntary implant reaction,” Kaidan gasped. He had his eyes screwed shut, shoulders slumped in defeat. He took a shaky breath while wrapping his arms around himself. 

 

“Did I hurt you? I didn't mean to. You look...flushed. You sure you're ok?” Shepard couldn't keep the worry out of his voice or help himself; he put his hand on Kaidan's forehead, like he was feeling for a fever. “You're warm. Are you going to be sick?”

 

“No, Commander,” the lieutenant protested weakly, voice huskier than usual, “I'm fine. It...It didn't hurt. Think of it like a reflex, like when a doctor taps your knee and your leg kicks out.” Another mild shudder went through him, making him close his eyes and inhale sharply, licking his lips to moisten them.

 

“Huh. If you say so...Whatever it was, I'm sorry. I never want to cause you pain.” Shepard was dumbfounded; the lieutenant was so ashamed of what happened and he had no idea what it was or why.

 

“Don't be sorry, sir. You didn't know it could happen, and it _really_ didn't hurt. Honestly,” came the quiet reply. Shepard started to pat him on the back, but stopped halfway; he got the feeling Kaidan didn't want to be touched at the moment. It made his stomach twist, but not in the good way.  Shepard heaved himself off the hay with a sigh, then offered a hand to Kaidan. The biotic let himself be dragged up after a moment. 

 

Shepard noticed that Kaidan's pupils were blown, making his eyes deep pools of black. Kaidan blinked and looked at the commander's shoulder, still trying to avoid eye contact. Shepard was puzzled; he didn't seem to be in pain, he guessed, but what else could it have been? He gave him a comforting half-smile.

 

“You are heavier than you look, LT. Anyone ever tell you that?”

 

“You'd be the first, Commander. I'm surprised that you didn't already know that.”

 

“Pff. You still have some secrets.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this chapter because I love his dad, so, so very much. He just wants the best for his little boy. Poor Kaidan. Think Shepard will ever know what happened with the amp port?


	9. Crash and Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriers are meant to be broken down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *best Mortal Kombat announcer voice* Wraith vs Kaidan. Fight! Also, Shepard is having trouble separating business and pleasure. Or, at the very least, is now failing at hiding it. And I don't know how to transition from time to time very well. We'll call it the 'mass time warp effect'.

_**Wish You Were Here**_ , by potionsmaster

 

Rating: T for language

 

 

**Chapter 8** :  _ Crash and Burn _

 

They fell into an easy rhythm over the next few days of waking up early and sharing a brief work out, then ending with the partnership exercises. After breakfast, Mrs Alenko would give Shepard riding lessons in the ring while Kaidan mucked out stalls and did general housekeeping around the barn. He didn't mind so much, though he did wish sometimes that he could just jump on Commodore and have fun. He would watch in between chores as Shepard was drilled by his mother; the commander was picking up basics quickly. There was no doubt in Kaidan's mind that this was how Shepard had gone through boot camp and ICT so quickly in order to reach N7.

 

When the lessons were done, Shepard was happy to help with some of the easier barn work, such as filling water troughs and buckets while Kaidan and his mother distributed flakes of hay and measures of grain. He had managed to sneak up on Kaidan a few times, catching him with his ear buds in and singing along with his omni-tool. Shepard couldn't be sure, but he thought he might have seen the lieutenant dancing with the pitchfork once. When he asked Kaidan about it, the answer was evasive. “You'll never find out,” he said mischievously, dark eyes sparkling and cheeks bright.

 

Today, however, was different. Mrs Alenko wanted Kaidan to work with Wraith and she didn't think it would be good to have Shepard riding at the same time. The coal black horse did not like standing while cross-tied but tolerated being brushed and saddled. Kaidan led the animal out to the arena. Shepard followed at a distance and smiled to himself as he looked at the biotic's pants. They were utterly ridiculous and downright titillating. He thought back to earlier this morning when he had caught sight of Kaidan getting ready in his room. It seemed that Shepard's habit of leaving the door open while changing had rubbed off.

 

“Alenko, what in the world are you wearing?? Are those... _leg warmers_? And what is with the pants??”

 

Kaidan scowled at him as he sat on the edge of the bed to pull up his black long boots. “First off, boot socks. Second, riding pants. The leather patches on the inside of the knees help with gripping the saddle. Third, and most important, go fuck yourself.”

 

“Hey now. I _was_ going to tell you it shows off your ass nicely, but now? Uh-uh.” Shepard crossed his arms over his chest. Kaidan gave him a skeptical look when he stood up. They went down the stairs and out the front door.

 

“You're checking out my ass?” 

 

“Well, those pants don't leave a whole lot to wonder about. That's all I'm saying.”

 

“You realize my mother practically lives in these, too. Are you checking our _her_ ass?”

 

“God no! That would be improper.”

 

“Hmph. Don't be weird.” They started towards the barn.

 

“I'm secure enough in my manhood to let my friend know he's got a good butt.” Shepard threw an arm around Kaidan's shoulder and grinned at him.

 

“Well, thank you. I think.”

 

“Don't mention it.”

 

“Ohhhh, don't worry. I won't.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Mrs Alenko was explaining why Kaidan started out by working Wraith on a lunge line. He clucked at the horse to move in a circle around him, shifting up to faster speeds, then stopping and reversing the animal. “He gets a feel for the horse and the same is true on the horse's part. It warms up the muscles and primes the mind for training. Basically, it gives them a starting point.” Shepard nodded, never taking his eyes off the elegant animal.

 

Once Kaidan was satisfied, Mrs Alenko held the stirrup while he mounted. Wraith immediately laid his ears back and tried to bite Kaidan's leg. “Hey!” he said sharply, smacking the horse's neck. The tail lashed. “Well, this should be fun,” he grumbled. Mrs Alenko patted her son's leg before heading back to where Shepard waited on the rail. “I wouldn't ask if I could do it myself,” she apologized.

 

“I know, Ma.” 

 

He squeezed the horse forward into a trot. Wraith moved forward eagerly, champing at the bit. He glided around the arena; so far, so good. Kaidan stopped his hands from moving with the horse's mouth, trying to draw him down to a walk. Wraith stiffened his jaw and kept trotting. Kaidan tightened his grip on the reins, pulling back slightly and sitting deeper in the saddle. The horse stopped dead in its tracks, ears pinned. Kaidan blew out the breath he had been holding. 'Here we go,' he thought.

 

He waited until Wraith had settled a bit, then gently squeezed his legs while easing his grip on the reins. The black horse leapt forward like he had been shocked. Kaidan stayed with the abrupt motion, shortening the reins as the horse flung his head to the sky. He kept his legs on Wraith's sides, not wanting to lose contact. The horse rose up on his hind legs briefly. Kaidan pulled him into a tight circle, connecting his nose to his hip. Wraith slashed his tail angrily through the air, fighting to bring his head back around. Kaidan didn't stop circling him until Wraith performed the movement without any complaint; he was immediately released from the tight hold.

 

Shepard watched, fascinated. “Why did he do that just now?”

 

“He's trying to make the horse think about what the rider wants to do instead of what the horse wants, and to think about the rider's commands. It's simple, really,” she explained, “If the horse wants to go straight, you turn. If it wants to go fast, slow him down, that sort of thing. You always let up on them when they give you the response you want. The reward is being left alone.”

 

Wraith had started fussing again, tossing his head and prancing in place. Shepard heard Kaidan's voice murmuring to the horse but he couldn't make out the words. The ebony horse started moving forward at a walk and Kaidan loosened the reins slightly. After a few minutes, Kaidan pushed him into a trot seamlessly. Shepard was impressed. He didn't see any signal or command given. Mrs Alenko let out a sigh of relief. “That is how it should be,” she said, “Imperceptible. Fluid, like the horse and rider are of one mind and body. A partnership in the highest sense.”

 

Kaidan asked the horse to canter a few strides later. Wraith did, but he whipped his tail about again. Shepard heard the angry swish and saw the horse stop, bracing his mouth against Kaidan's hands on the reins. The strain showed in the biotic's arms. Kaidan nudged the horse with his heels, but Wraith started backing up, tucking his hindquarters underneath himself. Shepard could see the ire in the horse's face and felt the cold fingers of apprehension drag across his spine. He was certain this was going to end horribly.

 

“Oh no...” Mrs A whispered. Shepard glanced at her quickly, then snapped his attention back to the horse. Wraith had started rearing, flipping his head in a rage. Kaidan was fighting to stay balanced, shorten the reins, and grab a fistful of black, frothing mane.

 

“Keep his head up!!” his mother yelled as Wraith's front hooves slammed down in the dirt. Kaidan's arms were wrenched forward as the horse leaned even harder onto the bit, fighting to put his head between his front legs. Shepard gripped the fence. He had no idea what to expect. He saw the lieutenant's biceps flex as he yanked on one rein, trying to throw Wraith off balance and pull him into a circle once more. 

 

The black horse squealed and pawed the air. Kaidan smacked him on the neck again, trying to circle him the other way. Mrs Alenko clutched at Shepard's arm as Wraith was pulled around. The horse kicked up its heels in a small buck, then stood still, muscles quivering. Kaidan nudged him again and Wraith popped another kick, then bolted. Kaidan fought the horse for control, alternating short pulls on the reins. “Pulley stop! PULLEY STOP!!” his mother bellowed. Shepard thought distractedly that he could take lessons from the tiny woman about projecting sound. Kaidan worked his right hand closer to the bit, then hauled back, pulling his fist to his shoulder. Wraith's hindquarters flung out to the side as he was thrown off balance.

 

Shepard was surprised to see Kaidan's teeth bared in the effort it was taking to hold the horse's head to the side. Wraith fought all the way, trying to grab the bit and run. Muscles were coiled in both horse and rider; neither wanting to give in to the other. Mrs A dug her nails into Shepard's arm. He winced a bit, but let her do it. “Oh...I hope....”

 

He never did find out what she hoped because Wraith started crow-hopping, trying to shake his rider off. Kaidan managed to stay on, hands tight on the reins and legs clamped to the heaving rib cage. Wraith finally stopped dead, sweat pouring off him, breath heavy. Kaidan tossed a look at his mother.

 

“What corner of hell did you scrape him out of?” he griped at her. They stood for a bit, Wraith panting hard from the exertion. Kaidan wasn't exactly sure what to expect next. He cautiously signaled the horse to walk and Wraith instantly pinned his ears flat. “Maybe you should quit now, pumpkin. I think you both have had enough for one day,” Mrs Alenko called out. Kaidan nodded, “I think so too, but I hate to-”

 

“ _KAIDAN_!!!” she screamed. 

 

Shepard fought the rising panic in his throat; it frightened him to hear Mrs Alenko's terrified cries. Wraith had taken the opportunity to rear up again, higher than before. The biotic scrambled to regain the reins. The horse's front legs briefly touched down before launching higher still. Mrs Alenko had a death grip on Shepard's arm. “He's not going to stay on!” she yelped, shaking the commander's sleeve. Shepard felt his face pale as he watched Wraith rear perpendicular to the ground.

 

Kaidan couldn't fight the effects of gravity; he felt his feet fall out of the stirrups and body start to slide off, but his hands were still tangled in reins and mane. He made a snap decision and threw himself backwards, hauling Wraith's head with him. He hoped too late that he didn't pull the horse down on top of him.

 

Mrs Alenko screamed again as they fell over backwards, crashing into the ground with a pair of sickening thuds. Shepard darted into the arena, not sure what he was going to do; he just felt he should be there. Kaidan had landed a few feet away from the thrashing horse. Somehow he still had a hold of the reins. “Stay back!” he warned Shepard, throwing a hand up to stop the commander as he rolled himself off the ground. Shepard froze, still unsure. The black horse was writhing on the ground, trying to gain purchase in the dirt to heave himself up. Kaidan gave him the space he needed to stand.

 

Wraith struggled for a brief moment as he collected his legs underneath him. He shook the dirt off as much as possible, then stood still, glaring at Kaidan. Kaidan stared right back, walking towards him. “Are you done?” he asked. The horse was practically vibrating from nerves. “What has got you so nervous?” Kaidan muttered. He checked the saddle for damage, then leaned against it. Wraith snapped at him and received a sharp slap on the nose for his troubles. “Enough!” Kaidan growled at him. He mounted with a groan. Wraith started pawing the ground as soon as the biotic settled in.

 

“Quit!” Kaidan snapped as he popped the horse on the shoulder with his palm. Wraith stopped, ears still back. They started walking, but the horse tried to bolt. Kaidan swung him into a tight circle, front hooves barely moving from one spot. Wraith finally pulled up, head raised, flanks quivering. Kaidan sat still, waiting for the next explosion. The horse tried again and Kaidan circled him in the other direction. Wraith finally moved off of Kaidan's leg properly and was given some slack in the reins directly.

 

Shepard had quietly sneaked back to the fence. Mrs Alenko had her hands to her mouth, watching. Kaidan started walking towards the gate. “We're done,” he said wearily, “We're ending on a good note.”

 

Shepard shook his head as he held the gate open. “Do I have to order you to ride in your armor? You gave me a heart attack. And I'm pretty sure your mother wasn't happy, either,” he snapped. He couldn't help the anger; he'd been terrified the lieutenant had been seriously injured.

 

Kaidan gingerly slid off the horse. “Ugh,” he grunted, “I'll feel _that_ later...” Mrs Alenko grabbed the reins from him and smacked his shoulder. 

 

“What were you _thinking_??” 

 

“Couldn't let him win, so I called his bluff.”

 

“You could have been killed!”

 

“But I wasn't.”

 

“ _Kaidan_.” Wraith snorted, punctuating her irritation.

 

He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut. “Look, Ma, you wanted help. He's too much for you. You need to do more ground work and he needs whatever demons he's harboring exorcised. It was a good start, but there's a long way to go.” His mother shook her head, face pale.

 

“You deserved everything you got, devil horse.” Kaidan rubbed the horse's neck and Wraith looked like he was going to bite. He didn't, though. Shepard could see the wheels turning in the horse's eyes. Mrs Alenko sighed, then said, “I'll cool him out and put him up. You go take care of yourself.”

 

“No complaints, Ma.” He started walking towards the house, albeit stiffly.

 

“LT, you are crazy.” Shepard walked along side him, anger giving way to worry pinching his face. 

 

“Someone's gotta be, since you're not throwing yourself in the line of fire.”

 

“Very funny.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Shepard was debating between tea or beer in the kitchen when Kaidan shuffled down the stairs. He was dressed in sweats, hair still damp from his shower.

 

“How're you feeling?”

 

“Like I went head to head with a krogan in a brawl.”

 

“Well, you pretty much did. Can you picture Wrex headbutting that horse?” They both chuckled at the thought. 

 

“I'm not sure who would win that fight,” Kaidan said, leaning heavily on the counter.

 

“I'm going to say Wrex, but it'd be tough to call.” Shepard considered it for a moment, then said, “And you say you're not a cowboy...”

 

“Bronc buster, maybe. Still not a cowboy. Hand me an ice pack, would you?”

 

Shepard furrowed his brow as he put ice in a baggie, then wrapped it in a dishtowel for the biotic. “I don't see any swelling or bruising,” he said, handing it over.

 

Kaidan's ears and cheeks flushed. “They're not in a visible area, Shepard,” and promptly sat on the ice pack, stool scraping against the floor as he placed himself carefully.

 

 

“ _Ah_. I see now...” Shepard fiddled with the paper towel holder, not meeting Kaidan's eyes. “If you had a girlfriend, she'd be disappointed tonight?”

 

“I suppose she would be, if she existed.” Shepard nodded, filing away that little tidbit.

 

“Not to change the subject, your balls are fascinating to discuss-”

 

“ _John_! What on earth?!” Mrs Alenko entered the room, flabbergasted.

 

“Impeccable timing, as always, Mrs A,” he grinned sheepishly at her, “but I was trying to change the subject to spare your sensibilities.”

 

“Hmm. Pretty words, coming from a soldier...” she gave him an exasperated look, then focused on her son, “Abigail has been wanting to meet up with you, pumpkin. Your father ran into her today in town.”

 

“Ok. I'll shoot her a message.” 

 

“Dinner will be ready in about an hour. Clear out.”

 

“Yes ma'am!” Kaidan and Shepard both snapped a crisp salute at her and wandered into the library. “Did you ever find what you were looking for the other night?” Shepard asked, investigating an old map hanging on the wall.

 

“Oh, uh...yeah. I moved them up to my room to look through them later. Just old journals from when I was a kid.”

 

“I'll bet it's funny to read them now.”

 

“Definitely have a different perspective on what was happening at the time, I can tell you that much. It certainly wasn't the usual childhood experience.” Kaidan eased himself into an armchair, ice pack in his lap. 

 

“It's not funny, but it is...I'm sorry, I can't 'un-see' this.”

 

“Yeah, yeah...”

 

“I won't tell anybody.”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“I'm serious! I wouldn't embarrass you on the Normandy. What happens on shore leave stays on shore leave, right?”

 

“Right.”

 

“So who's Abigail?”

 

“One of my friends growing up. She and Matt were the only two left before BAaT. Matt sorta fell off the radar after it.”

 

“Did you want to see them? We could meet them for dinner if you wanted.”

 

“Maybe. I dunno, Shepard, it might just rake up all the bad shit again.”

 

“Maybe it needs to be raked.”

 

“I've accepted my past, Commander, warts and all.”

 

“Mostly.”

 

“Mostly,” Kaidan agreed.

 

“Whenever you need to talk, my door's open.”

 

“Thanks, Shep. I'll see when Abigail is free.”

 

“Anything for you, LT.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. That was exciting. And Shepard's not exactly subtle when he's digging for information, lol.


	10. Abigail Drake: Contingency Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A good way to judge a person is by the company they keep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And more flirty-fluff bits. This is supposed to be a silly, fun chapter. That being said, onwards.

_**Wish You Were**_ _**Here**_ , by potionsmaster

 

 **Chapter 9** : _Abigail Drake: Contingency Plan_

 

Kaidan slid into the driver's seat of the white truck, still achy from wrestling Wraith a few days before. The horse appeared none the worse for wear, but he suspected the animal would be moving a little more conservatively. Shepard climbed into the passenger's seat. “So where're we going?”

 

“Lunch with Abigail in town.”

 

“Neat. Where at?”

 

“Just a local sandwich shop. She's meeting us there for her lunch hour; she wants us to get a table. Want some music?” Kaidan twisted in his seat as he backed the truck out of the garage, cursing silently at the stiffness of his muscles. Shepard's keen eyes caught the hindered motion but he didn't mention it. He kept telling himself it was simply concern for his friend's well-being. He wasn't sure he believed himself anymore.

 

“Sure. Whatever's on is fine.”

 

“You say that now...” Kaidan chuckled as he shifted the truck into drive and switched on the console, “but Pop's taste in music is ancient.” Classic 21st century rock warbled out of the speakers as they started off down the long driveway. It was uncharacteristically warm and sunny out for late March, the sun coaxing the trees into allowing their soft fuzzy buds to bloom into tender green. Shepard stuck his hand out of the window, the wind playing with his fingers. “It's fine,” he grinned, “Makes it feel like home on the Normandy. Joker says all he can get when we're in deep space is stuff that plays from 200 years ago.” Kaidan nodded, eyes trained on the road.

 

“Makes sense,” he said absentmindedly. They traveled in companionable silence for a bit, enjoying the drive. Shepard glanced over at the lieutenant, eyeing his profile cautiously. The sun was catching the biotic's eyes and making them glow. It was a neat trick of the light, he thought, how they could go from inky almost-black to practically golden brown with just a little shift. Kaidan caught him staring. “Something the matter, Shep?”

 

“No. More an observation.”

 

“Oh really? Do tell.” Shepard thanked his lucky stars that he was a quick thinker, and hoped it would pay off.

 

“It's something I noticed a while back, and now I think I know the 'why' of it.” Kaidan waited for him to continue. “Did you know, that on the exceedingly rare occasions when I let you drive the Mako, you move your hips and legs when you turn the wheel?” Kaidan furrowed his brow.

 

“No...” he said slowly.

 

“And did you also know that you did the same thing the last time we drove to town?”

 

“No,” Kaidan said again, not seeing where this was going.

 

“Well, you're doing it yet again. Every time you turn, you shift your weight and now that you're not in armor, I can see your muscles flex when you do it.” Kaidan's jaw tightened. Shepard was noticing his leg muscles flexing? The man was like a C-Sec surveillance drone, zooming in on the littlest details. It was also a little unnerving.

 

“So? I'll bite, give me the analysis. Why do I do it?”

 

Shepard gave him a smug look. “You either are pretending the vehicle is a horse and you're telling it what to do, or you have it so ingrained in your behavior to shift your weight like that when changing directions, you have no clue you do it. I'm guessing....a little of both?”

 

“You may be right,” Kaidan huffed a small laugh, “But thank you for making me self-conscious about it. Now every time I drive, I'll be thinking about it.”

 

“I do what I can,” Shepard said, leaning back against the seat. “And are you sure it's just your dad's taste in music that's ancient? If you'll allow another observation, it would be more convincing if you weren't tapping your fingers and dancing to it every time we stop.”

 

“Guilty, I guess,” Kaidan laughed again, “It's rubbed off. Better than some of the stuff I have on my omni-tool, though.”

 

“Oh?” Shepard feigned disinterest.

 

“Uh, yeah...not sharing right now. And we both know you're shit at hacking.”

 

“Listen, just because I make _you_ do it on recon doesn't mean I _can't_. You just happen to do it faster.” Kaidan scoffed as he pulled into a parking spot on the main drag.

 

“If I wake up slathered in omnigel, I'll know why.” The truck eased to a stop in front of a cheery looking sandwich shop. They spilled out, locking the doors behind them.

 

“Hmm...now there's a mental image...”

 

“No words, Commander. No words.” They entered the shop and took the tall table in the back corner by the window. Shepard claimed the seat that put his back in the corner and gave him clean sight lines into the room and out the window to his right. Kaidan shook his head. “Can't turn it off, can you?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Damn. Because that's where I was going to sit.”

 

“Spectre authority. Consider it requisitioned for the mission of getting lunch.”

 

Kaidan opened his mouth to say something in retort, but was interrupted when he heard his name behind him. Shepard looked beyond the biotic, trying to see who spoke.

 

“Kaidan...is that you?” He turned and saw a slender woman in a sharp business suit, curly ash-brown hair artfully piled in a messy bun, and large expressive green eyes set in an oval face. She looked uncertain until Kaidan turned around, then her face split into a happy grin. “It _is_ you!” she exclaimed.

 

“Abigail Drake!”

 

“Kaidan Alenko! How the _hell_ are you??” She gave him a fierce hug, eyes sparkling. The biotic's face was years younger as he folded her in his arms and lifted her off the ground in a bear hug.

 

“Great! Better now that you're here. How about you, Abby?”

 

She rested her chin on his sternum as he put her down, running her fingers down his sides. Shepard bit his tongue. He wasn't sure he appreciated the familiarity she had with Kaidan, but the lieutenant did say she was his best friend. He told himself to lighten up.

 

“Shit, I think you bulked up since the last time I saw you,” Abigail said, sliding her hands under Kaidan's shirt and over his abdomen, fingertips playing over the muscle she found. Kaidan's cheeks reddened slightly as he twitched underneath her touch.

 

“It's possible. The Alliance feeds me well. Knock it off, will you? You know that tickles.” He shot an apologetic look at Shepard over his shoulder. Shepard schooled his face into being neutral.

 

“I can't help myself. Art appreciation.” She moved her hands to rest lightly on his hips, chin still tilted up as she leaned on him. Shepard thought it looked like she wanted a kiss. “I can't remember all your ticklish spots. It's been too long, you big oaf!” She finally detached herself from Kaidan and Shepard let go of a breath he didn't know he had been holding. He mocked himself; he had no reason to act like this. Not that he readily wanted to admit, anyway.

 

“Hi, I'm Abby. And you are?” she said smoothly, extending a hand out. Kaidan sat to Shepard's left so he could still keep an eye on the door and window to the right. His own left side felt exposed, but he reasoned that it was the same on the fire team. Shepard took point and had a squad mate on his three and nine.

 

“This is Shepard,” Kaidan offered when the commander failed to respond, “he's my CO.” He didn't like how Shepard seemed to close down the second Abigail made herself known. The commander gave a thin smile and strong handshake. Abigail winced slightly as her fingers were crushed.

 

“Just Shepard? Like, Sha'ira or something?”

 

“Shepard's fine. 'Commander' is also acceptable.”

 

Abby's eyes narrowed. “You're not _my_ commander. I've heard about you. You're some kind of big war hero, huh?”

 

“So they tell me,” came the dry answer.

 

“Oookay...Commander Friendly it is,” she sighed as she dropped into the last chair, back to room. “I'm alright. Keeping on keepin' on. Business is booming. You wouldn't think so, what with the big city only an hour away, but it's amazing how many people don't want to drive or take the air shuttle.”

 

Kaidan glanced at Shepard. The commander's abrupt sour mood had not been lost on him. Shepard's face was studiously blank, but he knew it was a just a front; Shepard was in full observation mode. He also knew Abigail did not appreciate being scrutinized. He sighed to himself. Maybe he should have just told her they would catch up the next time he was planet-side on Earth.

 

“So what do you do, Abby?” Shepard asked politely.

 

“I'm a naturopathic doctor. Nutrition, herbs, acupuncture, tissue and skeleton manipulation, the works.”

 

“Very interesting. I was expecting CEO by your outfit.”

 

“And I thought you were some dumb jock, based on yours,” she fired back, staring straight into his eyes. Shepard met the glare with indifference and Kaidan winced. “Ease down, Abby. He meant you're not dressed like the doctors we're used to seeing. White lab coats and fatigues, you know? Not business shark suit.”

 

She pursed her lips. “Sorry. I'm used to having people tell me I'm not a 'real' doctor.”

 

“No harm done. I don't like being judged by what's on the extranet, either,” Shepard said blandly. Abigail smiled brightly and stuck out her hand again.

 

“Point taken. Mulligan! Hi, I'm Abigail Drake. Kaidan's absolutely awful at introductions. You're looking at the future Mrs Alenko.”

 

Shepard felt a sharp stab in his gut and tried to ignore it, shaking her hand much less severely this time. He thought Kaidan said that he didn't have a girlfriend. “John Shepard, commanding officer of the SSV Normandy. Kaidan's good at being my staff lieutenant, but his introductions are terrible,” he agreed, flicking his eyes to the biotic briefly, “Congratulations on your engagement. I hadn't heard...”

 

Kaidan groaned to himself. He saw the question in Shepard's face when he looked at him a moment ago and now Shepard was avoiding looking at him. “Oh Lord...we're not engaged,” he sighed. Abby leaned across the table.

 

“Clock's ticking, Kaid...I'm holding you to making me an honest woman,” she said conspiratorially.

 

“We'll see. I still have two years. Know what you want? I'll go order the food.” He stood up, wanting that line of conversation to be done.

 

Abby watched him wolfishly, green eyes focused as he picked his way through chairs to the counter. Shepard cleared his throat. “So you're not engaged, but you're getting married in two years? How does that work?” She switched her gaze to Shepard. He felt like he was being scanned by lasers. She hesitated, then said, “He's my kinda-sorta contingency plan. When we were younger, we jokingly said if neither one of us is married or in a serious relationship by 35, we'd get hitched and pop out a kid or two.”

 

“Huh...I can't really picture him settling down. Military life usually doesn't work that well with civilian life.”

 

Abby wrinkled her nose. “Really? Growing up, he was all about finding his 'happily ever after'. Maybe that changed. Ah well. And as long as he doesn't come home in a box, maybe I can convince him to retire. Have him work in my clinic, make it a family affair.” Shepard smiled without it reaching his eyes.

 

“Then who would I have to run my marine detail?”

 

“I dunno, some fresh-faced corporal? Not my concern,” she dismissively waved a hand. Shepard snorted. He didn't like her. She was abrasive, headstrong, loud, and spoke sharper than a razor. Kaidan's direct opposite. He wondered how she got along with the current Mrs Alenko. He imagined an argument between the two women would be the stuff of legends.

 

“So,” Abby said, eyes boring into Shepard's, “What is humanity's first Spectre and N7 extraordinaire doing hobnobbing with my bestest-best friend? Shouldn't you be out saving the galaxy?” He thought he could detect a hint of scathing in her tone. He snorted again.

 

“Shore leave due to ship repairs. Can't save the galaxy without it. Or without Kaidan to back me up,” he said pointedly. Abigail looked out the window. “Really. That's interesting,” she said, her voice suggesting it was anything but. Shepard was fed up with her attitude.

 

“I don't know what you want from me, Abby, or what you want me to say. But whatever 'this' is? I'm done with it.”

 

She brought her gaze back to Shepard's face, considering him in a new light. “I don't really know either, Shepard. That's what makes this weird.”

 

“It is a bit awkward, yes.”

 

“Look....” she sighed, “I just want my best friend happy and safe. If you help with those, we're cool. If not, I will end your life.”

 

Shepard quirked an eyebrow derisively. He found the idea of her getting the drop on him amusing. “I've got his six, if that's what you mean.”

 

“Hm, that sounds dirty. I like it. I suppose that will have to do, even if I don't know what it stands for.” Abby stopped being a hardass immediately. “Want to know something funny?” She didn't wait for a reply. “If you overload on B vitamins, your pee will turn chartreuse.”

 

Shepard stared at her. He didn't even know how to respond to that. Kaidan came back with the food just then, tray laden. He set it down in front of them carefully. “What did I miss?” he asked, grabbing a fry out of the basket of poutine.

 

“Green urine,” Shepard said dryly.

 

“Gross. Topic change. Now,” Kaidan said without missing a beat. Abby dug into her turkey wrap. “I like him, Kaid. He passed inspection.”

 

“Oh goody, glad you approve.” He reached for another fry. Shepard took a big bite of his club sandwich. He didn't trust the poutine. French fries weren't supposed to have gravy on them.

 

“So when are you taking me dancing?”

 

“Uh...hadn't planned on it. Shore leave's got a variable end date. Depends on when the repairs get done.”

 

“Alright. How about tonight, then? Are you free?” Kaidan looked at Shepard. Shepard raised his eyebrows and shrugged. “I have no opinion on the matter,” he said.

 

“I guess that'll work, then,” Kaidan said slowly.

 

“Great! 8:30 at the Local Watering Hole. Be there. There's no other option.”

 

She glanced at her omnitool and sprung up from the table. Hers was civilian grade and much more sleek-looking than their heavy duty military ones. Shepard thought it looked like a kid's toy in comparison. “Mah-velous, dah-ling. I've got to get back to the clinic. I have a session in 20 minutes and I walked here. Don't want to be late!” She tucked the rest of her wrap in its bag. “Ta ta for now, kittens.” She blew a kiss towards Kaidan and dashed off.

 

They watched her leave through the window. She held her head arrogantly as she strutted away. Shepard noticed that she was wearing a seriously high pair of heeled boots. Her hips sashayed as she walked in them. Car horns honked as she crossed the street. She didn't seem concerned if they stopped or not.

 

“She's, uh...” Shepard started. He couldn't find the right words.

 

“She's a trip. And somewhat of an acquired taste. I didn't really like her at first; she picked on me a bit. But if anybody else did, she would yell at them.”

 

“She definitely has staked a claim on you as 'hers'. I don't think she likes me much.”

 

Kaidan chewed thoughtfully. “Naw, she does. You'd know if she didn't. She didn't try to arm wrestle you, did she?”

 

“God, no, I'd break her arm. Why?”

 

“Because if she didn't like you, she'd have challenged you, then torn a few ligaments in your wrist. 'Accidentally on purpose,' she would say. I told her that breaks her Hippocratic oath. I don't know if she's actually done it. Probably best if I don't.”

 

Shepard smirked at that. “No wonder why you like her. She's feisty.”

 

Kaidan huffed a small laugh. “That's one word for her. She likes shocking people. As she said, you passed her little test.”

 

“I guess that's good. I don't dance, by the way.”

 

“Neither do I, really. In her words, she likes to pole dance, but only when I'm the pole.”

 

“.....I am still eating, LT,” Shepard grimaced.

 

“You told me the other day that I had a nice ass. How is that any different? _Sir_...” Kaidan smirked at him, popping another fry in his mouth. Shepard shifted in his seat, wondering if Kaidan knew how coquettish he looked while eating just about anything with his fingers.

 

“I never said I wanted to pole dance on you, though. Let me make that perfectly clear.”

 

“Fair enough. One question, if you don't mind.”

 

“Shoot.”

 

“Green urine??”

 

“I don't know, she just came out with it.”

 

“Huh...” They finished their food in comfortable silence. Shepard balled up his napkins and put them on the tray. He still couldn't bring himself to try the poutine. “So are you in agreeance to her contingency plan?” He tried to keep the disdain out of his voice. Kaidan didn't seem to notice.

 

“I dunno...it sounded good when we were kids. 35 was an abstract, you know? We weren't really thinking that far in advance. She was helping me pick up the pieces after the latest shit storm, just like she's always done. I don't think it'd be the worst thing in the world.” Kaidan jumped as Shepard's knee knocked into his.

 

“Sorry, K.”

 

“No problem.” Neither of them moved their legs out of the way.

 

“So, I have to ask. She's so protective of you, and your dad mentioned something big happened right before you left for BAaT. What was it?” Kaidan hunched his shoulders.

 

“It's not really a good story for a public setting.”

 

“Ok. I'm ready to leave when you are.” They got up a minute later and deposited their trash in the bins, placing the tray in the return. Kaidan squinted up at the sun as they exited the shop.

 

“Should've worn my helmet...visor would help with the tinted HUD and all.”

 

“I think I saw sunglasses in the truck. Or did you want to get some while in town?”

 

Kaidan's mouth twisted while he mulled it over. “It wouldn't be the worst idea...and not having to borrow Pop's would be nice.”

 

“Alright, then. Let's hunt down some sunglasses.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Half an hour later they were trying on the weirdest pairs of sunglasses they could find when Kaidan's omni-tool pinged. He keyed the hologram up, then said, “Hey Pop...what's up?”

 

“Your mother wanted to....what're you wearing?” Shepard sniggered as Kaidan snatched the rhinestone studded cateyes off his face.

 

“Sunglasses,” he said innocently.

 

“Clearly. I think you might look a little better in something classic, though, like aviators. Those are a little flashy for your style.”

 

“What about me?” Shepard asked, sticking his head over Kaidan's shoulder so Dr Alenko could see. Kaidan shivered as the commander's ear brushed his own. Shepard didn't acknowledge it had even happened.

 

“Oh, you should definitely get those. Teal stars are your thing.”

 

Shepard grinned, “Perhaps. Though aviators go with uniforms better.”

 

“Tough decision, Commander. That's why you're in charge. Go with your gut.”

 

“Ok, ok,” Kaidan cut in, “Ma wanted to what?” Shepard withdrew from his personal space and he felt the loss of body heat. He sighed.

 

“She wanted to invite Abby to your birthday celebration. We'll have reservations on the water, then you can stay in Vancouver in the apartment that night. Or for the rest of your leave, if you wanted. You don't have to stay at the orchard.”

 

“Trying to get rid of me?”

 

“You know I'm not. I'm giving you a way out if you need it,” Dr Alenko gently chastised his son.

 

“Noted. And appreciated.”

 

“Don't mention it. Pick up more beer before you come home, will you? We'll need it for the party and somehow my stock of lager has shrunk drastically in the last week.”

 

“Sorry about that...” Kaidan rubbed the back of his hand across his forehead.

 

“Not an issue. Why do you think I keep it around? I prefer pilsners, myself.” He smiled, his son's face a dark mirror of it.

 

“See ya tonight, Pop.” Kaidan ended the transmission and almost choked on a laugh. Shepard had put on a fluffy scarf to go with the teal-rimmed sunglasses and struck a pose.

 

“Vogue, Shep. Very vogue.”

 

“What do you know about fashion?”

 

“Absolutely nothing.”

 

“Lucky for us, then, I do. And this is specially designed by House Shepard to make you smile. One of a kind.”

 

“I'm honored. Now take it off; we gotta stop by another store.” Shepard grinned as he put everything back. He usually didn't feel so carefree, but he supposed a little fun didn't hurt. He grabbed a dark pair of aviators. “That an order, LT?”

 

“Polite suggestion.”

 

“Hmm...there's a strip joke in there somewhere.”

 

Kaidan picked out a pair for himself and started towards the sales kiosk.

 

“Don't you think you should buy me dinner first?” Shepard continued as he took the glasses out of Kaidan's hand and scanned it at the kiosk. Kaidan's eyebrows arched in surprise.

 

“Consider it an early birthday present,” Shepard said as he swiped his credit chit and handed the glasses back to Kaidan. “What?” he asked, smile starting to fade. Kaidan wasn't exactly sure where the conversation was headed. “Earth to Alenko!”

 

“Sorry Shepard. I think the signals I'm picking up are a little, uh...scrambled.” Shepard's easy smile faltered a bit.

 

“Oh. I though we were just riffing.” Shepard's back started to tense up a bit.

 

“I see. In that case, I already bought you lunch.”

 

“Guess I'll have to sweet talk you for dinner, then.”

 

Kaidan was glad his new sunglasses were covering his eyes. He had no idea how to handle this brash version of Shepard. He unlocked the truck and found himself thinking, 'Aw, what the hell _.'_ He could hardly believe the next words out of his mouth. “That's definitely possible.”

 

“Good.” Shepard beamed at him. “You owe me a story, remember?”

 

“I haven't forgotten. Beer run first.”

 

“Fair enough.” The commander relaxed into the truck seat and stuck his hand out the window. Kaidan pursed his lips. Scrambled signals, indeed.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flirty Shep is flirty. And possessive. Had to give a little nod to Shepard's face model, lol. For those that read _Just Another Ordinary Day_ , this is where the "Let me know if it's green" thing comes from. FYI: From here on out, chapters will be getting longer. So what do you think of Miss Abigail? :)


	11. Neuter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you..._ ~Maya Angelou

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to let them have a good time before getting all heavy with emotional shit. Also, slight divergence from game canon: I had them go on some scan and survey missions with the Mako so the new XO could get a feel for his ground team without (hopefully) being under fire immediately.

_**Wish You Were Here,** _ by potionsmaster

 

Rating: M for Mature. Implied attempted underage non-con, sexual topics in conversation. Nothing too terrible, but there you have it.

 

 

 **Chapter 10** : _Neuter_

 

Shepard was in awe. Three cases of pilsner, three cases of lager, two cases of something red and unfiltered, and a few bottles of blush wine to top it all off. “You probably think my family is a bunch of lushes,” Kaidan grunted as they loaded it all into the bed of the truck.

 

“No,” the commander reassured him, “but it _is_ a lot of booze. And you don't think it's enough?”

 

“Way too much and not nearly enough all at once.”

 

Shepard chewed on his bottom lip, not sure how to approach the subject. He decided that being straightforward was probably the best way. “How much do you drink? On your own, I mean. Out of curiosity.” He concentrated on moving the next case of beer into the truck.

 

“Depends, really.” Kaidan closed the tailgate with a metallic thud and leaned against it, considering the question, “I don't usually have someone helping me drink beer when I'm home. Nowadays it's more a social thing than trying to forget.”

 

“Forget?”

 

“That's what story time's about, if you'd be patient.”

 

They both climbed into the truck and Kaidan started the engine. “Want to go on a trail ride?” he asked.

 

“You're not too sore?”

 

“Naw. Best way to get over it to is to keep doing it.”

 

“I was talking about the, uh... _frontal_ region.”

 

“ _Ah_. Well, I'll use a different saddle. Not going to lie, that area is still a bit tender. I'm used to working in pain, though. It'll be fine.” Shepard smirked at that. “Oh, the implications...do I want to know?” Kaidan threw him a look as he turned down a side road. “The _other_ end, Shepard. Migraines, remember?”

 

“How could I forget? Remember when you puked in the Mako? What was it, the second survey trip we ever did?”

 

“I was hoping you didn't...remember how Jenkins puked, too? He couldn't handle it. Though that might have been more a comment on your driving skills in that thing. Did you have to drive it straight off a cliff?”

 

“At least you kept it contained to your rucksack,” Shepard chuckled, “Jenkins barely pulled off his re-breather.”

 

“That helmet was never the same...”

 

“Nope. Neither was the Mako.” They both fell silent, remembering Jenkins's last mission. It was the start of everything.

 

 _Eden Prime_.

 

Kaidan coughed after a bit, music tinny in the console. “So...Think you can beat me in a race today?”

 

“We'll see, LT. Last time was a fluke; I always win.”

 

Kaidan's lips twisted in a small smile as he pulled into the driveway. “Whatever you say. I'm still beating you.”

 

“Your day of reckoning is coming.”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“Trust me, K. Your days as fastest guy under 40 on four legs are numbered.”

 

“Ouch, Shepard. That cut real deep,” he placed a mocking hand over his heart. “If I'm so old, move the beer yourself.”

 

“What is it, age before beauty?”

 

“Uh, something like that. Though I prefer 'biotics before brutes'.” Shepard was thoroughly enjoying the banter they engaged in; it gave him the illusion that the lieutenant might actually be interested. He knew he should just leave it alone, though. They each grabbed a case and left it on the porch.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Mrs Alenko watched them through the picture window in the dining room, enjoying the easy laughter between them. She saw Shepard playfully whack Kaidan on the shoulder as they walked back to the truck for another case to carry, and saw the responding sidelong glance and elbow thrown casually into Shepard's ribs. She noted with some interest that it wasn't to push the younger man away so much as it was an acknowledgment of his presence. She supposed there was a camaraderie there that she wouldn't ever be able to 'get', having never been anything but an Army wife. She couldn't help but hear Albert's words echoing back to her.

 

“ _...Do you realize this is the first person since BAaT he's brought home? Friend or otherwise...”_

 

She heard the heavy thunk of the beer on the porch and saw them shove each other some more, then Shepard dashed the rest of the way to the truck. Kaidan followed, though far more gingerly. Shepard tossed a grin at her son and grabbed another case. Kaidan lifted the last case with a blue shimmer from a few feet away. She raised her eyebrows at that; Kaidan never used biotics at home if he could help it. The commander gave it wide berth as he set the one he was carrying down on the porch, then jogged back to retrieve the floating case. At least John didn't act like biotics were something to be frightened of. She was grateful for that.

 

“ _...What are you saying, exactly?...”_

 

Kaidan was walking towards the house, carrying the wine. Shepard was waiting for him halfway between the house and truck, hands in his pockets. Mrs Alenko couldn't be certain she saw the soft look on his face. One fleeting moment, then it was gone beneath another cocky grin.

 

“ _...Just stating a fact. Nothing more...”_

 

She shook her head to clear her thoughts, then made her way to the kitchen. She heard them chuckling as they came in, some inside joke or other for sure.

 

“Boots off, please!” she yelled.

 

“ _Maaaaa_...” came the long-suffering groan, but she heard the telltale thud of boots being dropped by the door. She was wiping down the sink when she heard muffled footsteps thunder up the stairs.

 

“ _...Nothing more...”_

 

Kaidan appeared next to her elbow, kissing her on the top of her head before placing the wine gently on the island. She jumped at that, not expecting anybody. “I thought both you _and_ John went upstairs! What with that terrible racket and all...”

 

“You would never know he was trained for stealth,” Kaidan snorted, “but maybe that's why he's a sniper. He's too far away from the target for them to hear him coming.” His mother laughed at that.

 

“So what's the plan, pumpkin?”

 

“Uh, trail ride for now and meeting up with Abigail later.” She raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. “I'm using a Western,” he said defensively.

 

“Don't you think you should give yourself time to recover? That was a nasty hit you took.”

 

“Plenty of time when I'm dead.”

 

“Kaidan, that is _not_ funny. You're deployed.”

 

“Ma, c'mon. I heal faster that I used to thanks to the gene enhancers I got when I enlisted. Besides, I asked Pop to scan me with his omni-tool before he left this morning. He's says I'm intact, just bruised.” Shepard came back down at that point, having switched out his N7 hoodie for the sherpa jacket he had commandeered from Kaidan's closet, if he wasn't in sweats or his own hoodie, he was constantly in the fleece-lined gray jacket.

 

“What, your ego?” he quipped.

 

“Among other appendages, Commander,” Kaidan said dryly.

 

“I thought you told me you weren't a whiner.”

 

“Only giving my current commanding officer the sitrep. There is a difference.” He kissed the top of Mrs Alenko's head again as she swatted his arm. Shepard felt that damn twinge in his gut again as he watched the easy affection and Mrs Alenko's cheeks flush with pleasure.

 

“Just messing with you, K,” he said softly. He never knew he wished for a simple domestic existence before coming here. It was a surprising revelation, and he fervently wished he didn't have it. He figured it just wasn't in the cards. Kaidan grabbed a couple of water bottles out of the fridge and used one to point at him.

 

“You can catch and tack Cinder up all by yourself, then,” the biotic smiled at him.

 

“Challenge accepted.” Mrs Alenko winked at him and they shared their own secret smile. It just made the twinge in his stomach bloom into a full blown ache. He had a semblance of the relationship Kaidan had with his mother and it was an exquisite hurt. Shepard put the thought of missing family life out of his head and concentrated on the fact that he had tacked up Cinder the last couple of lessons on his own; all under Mrs Alenko's supervision, of course.

 

She had told him she was proud of him and Shepard felt a silly sense of pride at the accomplishment, minor as it was. The only other person he felt anything like this with was Captain Anderson after his Spectre induction ceremony. “Are we betting custodial duties and slightly fresher rations again? Or something else?”

 

“Naw. First round of drinks tonight.”

 

“I can't do that to you. I'm winning and you bought me lunch. Not to mention everything else.”

 

Mrs Alenko's brows pinched slightly at that. “Don't worry about it, John,” she said, “It's our pleasure. Our home is your home.”

 

“I feel like I'm taking advantage, though.” That stupid twinge wouldn't stop.

 

“I believe Albert said you could repay us by dragging our son home more often. That's a perfectly fine price for you to pay.”

 

Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. “Well. That got serious real fast. We're going to lose the light if we don't get going.” Mrs Alenko turned back to face him. “I don't like the idea of John's horse being loose. Pony him?”

 

“Sure, Ma. At least until he's comfortable. Something tells me I won't be able to keep him tethered for long.”

 

Shepard cleared his throat. “Um....tethered? Something I should know?” Mother and son looked at him, two sets of dark eyes glittering with amusement.

 

“Not what you think. 'Pony' means I put a lead rope on your horse and have some control of it as well as mine.”

 

Mrs Alenko added, “Freedom in an arena is one thing, but there really aren't any fences to stop you out on the trails. Humor me.”

 

“Anything for you, Mrs A,” he replied. It was true; he'd do anything she wanted to hold on to the feeling of having a family.

 

~*~*~*~

 

They decided the winner would choose first round of drinks, then figure out how to settle the tab at the end of the night. Kaidan kept half an eye out for Shepard while he tacked up Commodore and tucked the water bottles in a saddle bag. “Well, well, well...someone's a cowboy now,” he taunted playfully.

 

Shepard grinned as he finished knotting the girth around Cinder's belly. “Ready for inspection, sir.” He gave a mock salute.

 

“Ha! Yeah right, Shepard, the day I outrank you will be the day you're dead.”

 

“Never say never. You've got almost as many commendations as me.”

 

“Hmm...I doubt it, but thank you for the thought. Looks like you choose the first round tonight, though Abby might fight you for it.” He slipped a halter over Cinder's bridled head, clipped a lead rope under her jaw, and handed the whole mess to Shepard. “Meet you by the gate outside; we're going in the orchard.”

 

After Kaidan had finished tacking up Commodore, he exited the barn to see Shepard leaning against the fence, looking for all the world like he was having a serious conversation with the mare. Her ears were pricked forward attentively. Kaidan shook his head as he approached, hearing Shepard's low voice talking to her.

 

“She say anything interesting?”

 

Without missing a beat, he replied, “Oh, you know...the usual., 'Don't kick me in the ribs so hard. Give me apples. Scratch my shoulder more.'” Shepard paused, then huffed a small laugh. “She did snort when I asked her 'why the long face'. Sometimes I think she understands human speech.”

 

Kaidan stifled a groan as he mounted up. Shepard did the same, then handed the lead rope to the lieutenant. “You're terrible, Shepard. That joke is so old.” He looped the rope loosely around the horn, then said, “You're still in charge of steering her and how fast you go, but only to a certain extent. I gave you six feet of rope. Don't hang yourself with it. Try not to let her jam her head up Commodore's ass, either. He might kick.”

 

Shepard grinned, “Roger. No head-ass jamming.”

 

Kaidan said nothing as they started moving. The trees rustled in a light breeze, carrying a hint of spring warmth. The sun had stayed bright and was very welcome after the gray skies that had plagued most of their shore leave. They rode down the white fence lining the driveway until they reached an opening to the entry path in the orchard. He was glad they brought their new sunglasses with them. He glanced back at Shepard and was surprised to find he was nervous. He didn't think it was butterflies, but there was an uneasy flutter in his ribs. He was thankful Shepard wasn't paying attention to him whatsoever; he was pretty sure his face was betraying him.

 

Shepard wasn't exactly paying attention to controlling Cinder, either, but that was ok; it was partially why the coppery mare was on a lead line. He was craning his neck around, drinking in the scenery with his mouth slightly open in wonder. He looked like a kid who was taken to a theme park for the first time and told they had no limits. Kaidan thought it was almost cute. He was rewarded with another flutter.

 

'Dammit...' he thought.

 

The horses ambled along, hooves softly clopping on the dirt. Kaidan wasn't in any rush to break the silence. He didn't really know what he was going to tell Shepard; everything from his earlier years tended to blend together behind a haze he locked the memories behind. The hurt from one set of memories was indistinguishable from the others. Besides, Shepard wasn't done looking at the view: trees with green buds and white apple blossoms struggling to peek through, bright blue sky without a cloud in sight, mountains shadowing the background. It was hard to believe there was a looming threat waiting for them once they were off shore leave.

 

The path meandered through the trees, patches of sunlight dappling them and the ground. Shepard sighed.

 

“What's up?”

 

“This is all so peaceful. I've never really been able to get out and enjoy nature. It's really something.”

 

“Yeah. This is what kept me sane, growing up. My own world out here.”

 

Shepard looked at the other man. “Continue,” he prompted after a moment, “I believe I'm owed a story.”

 

“Still haven't forgotten, Shepard. I thought I'd let you enjoy the sunny weather before I brought out the black rain clouds again.” Shepard nudged Cinder to move up next to Commodore. Kaidan carefully stayed looking straight ahead.

 

“You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. But whatever you share, I will as well. Deal?”

 

That got Kaidan's attention. He raised an eyebrow and glanced at Shepard again. He was unreadable behind his aviators. Not like he was easy to read without them, though.

 

“Alright...deal, Shepard. What do you want to know?” Kaidan tried to quell the flutter in his ribs again as Shepard pursed his lips, thinking. “Everything, really, but let's start with that 'thing' your dad referred to. Before BAaT.”

 

Kaidan felt his whole face redden. “Of course you choose that one,” he groused. A minute passed, then another. Shepard patted Cinder's neck, more for something to do to break the quiet.

 

“I'll-I'll tell you, I'm just trying to figure out how far back to start,” Kaidan stuttered.

 

“I see.”

 

“Well. I didn't have many friends growing up. Lots of doctors and hospitals and whatnot. When I was ten, life was getting to be more 'normal'? I guess that's the word. I had better control of my biotics, at least, and everything was becoming more stable.” He paused, trying to articulate the next bit.

 

“Abigail was happy that I was around more and I was brought into her group of friends. That's where I met Matt. He'd been on the fringe of the group, I suppose, and was happy to have someone there with him. He seemed to take a shine to me and we became almost inseparable. The only things that really kept me apart from everyone else were my headaches. They were getting worse and worse, to the point where I started missing school again. Matt would try to help. He would collect my homework, bring it to me after school, and sit with me. Sometimes he would try to rub my head or neck, but...neither of us really... _knew_ , I suppose, what made him do it. It was just what he did.”

 

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. Shepard figured something uneasy was about to come up. He waited patiently, listening to the rhythmic footfalls.

 

“He always was more touchy-feely than I was, touching my arms or hands when talking, bumping shoulders in the halls, that sort of thing. It was more and more normal for him to rub my neck whenever the headaches hit. I was diagnosed with migraines when I was 13. Pop managed to keep me well supplied with headache meds and I could try experimental treatments if I wanted them. Perks of being a doctor's kid, I guess.”

 

“Matt always wanted to be there whenever one hit. Abby once remarked that Matt was _different_ than the other boys in our group. She also said I was _different_ in a _different sense_ , but she never specified.”

 

Shepard nodded, chancing a glimpse of Kaidan's face. The blush had faded and the lines on his forehead had deepened a bit. “Did she mean the biotics?” he asked cautiously. Kaidan scowled further. “Doubtful, Commander. That year? 2164? It was bad. Conatix had been in correspondence with my parents since I was nine, but they started actively trying to gain access to me at 13. Constant vid-calls. Pamphlets released around town stating that untrained biotics were a danger and a threat to non-biotics. Rumors were started that biotics could read minds and manipulate you into doing things you didn't want to. My parents resisted, saying I never posed a hazard.”

 

“The migraines were becoming more frequent, probably due to stress, I think. I had hit a growth spurt, too. Everything was changing.” He pulled up Commodore, stopping Cinder by proxy. He pulled a bottle of water from the saddle bag and handed it to Shepard. “Let's give them a breather.”

 

They dismounted and Kaidan tied the horses to a low branch. He sat down on a small log nearby. Shepard held the water out to him and they swapped it back and forth. He noticed Kaidan didn't try to put any space between them when he sat down. He tried not to let it get to his head as he removed his sunglasses.

 

“When I was 14, everybody in school knew I was biotic. They were afraid of me. Teachers let them move their desks away from mine. Mostly the teachers left me alone, or outright ignored me. Matt and Abigail stuck with me, though, while the rest of the group drifted.”

 

“Conatix was really leaning on my parents to send me to Jump Zero. They still refused. They wanted me to choose what I wanted to do, ultimately. How can you ask a teenager to decide something of that magnitude? At that age? Then again, it was my life that ultimately would be changed by it, so how could they choose for me?” Kaidan shook his head and pulled off his aviators.

 

Shepard tucked the empty water bottle back in the saddlebag. “No right answers in that situation,” he said, sitting down on the log again. “Sorry I'm so close; there's not a lot of room on this thing.” Kaidan had a ghost of a smile on his face. “It's alright, Shepard. You don't bother me, not in the slightest.” He nudged Shepard with his knee.

 

“I should hope not,” Shepard scoffed, “We seem to end up in some compromising situations. Like me pulling your ass away from the beacon. Or when I was sliding down that steep hill and you caught me by my pistol mag-lock harness? Or, even better, the time I had to climb on top of _you_ to get to the top of those stupid crates to take out the damn rocket drone that got stuck in the ceiling?” Shepard nudged Kaidan's leg back. “I'd say we're definitely comfortable. Communal latrines don't hurt, either.”

 

Kaidan laughed this time. “Yeah, it's always a shock to walk in with your shower gear, only to find someone else is 'in there.' I bet the brass was hoping it would cut down on fraternizing.”

 

“Oh please. You know as well as I do it happens. Plenty of dark nooks and crannies on a frigate.”

 

“I haven't heard of any happening yet through ship's scuttlebutt, but I'll be sure to let you know if I do; I'll leave it to you to discipline.” Shepard shrugged. “If I don't hear about it, I don't need to discipline it.” Kaidan shook his head. “The nosiest and most relaxed CO I've ever had the pleasure of serving under.”

 

Shepard elbowed him this time. “We're on life or death missions with no relief. People gotta let off steam somehow. I don't see why what you do off duty should be any of my business, as long as you do your job and do it well. Obvious exceptions, like drugs or excessive drinking. If fraternizing happens, I don't want to know. I _have_ to report it. It's a hard limit of mine.”

 

Kaidan raised an eloquent eyebrow and cleared his throat, casting a mischievous look at him.

 

“Hard limit, huh? Interesting, uh, term, Shepard.”

 

Shepard raised his own eyebrows in response as he turned to look at him. “I wasn't aware of your familiarity with that term, _Lieutenant_.” He leaned on his own knee, inadvertently causing their thighs to touch.

 

“I'm 32, Shepard. I know things.”

 

“Uh-huh. Almost 33. And you're also knowledgeable about side-tracking. Back to the original topic?”

 

“Right. My embarrassing, awful childhood.”

 

“I'll throw you a bone. You and the rest of the galaxy know I was an orphan, grew up in Boston. Don't know my father, given up to the state of Massachusetts at age nine. But what is never mentioned is that before that, I was on the street or living off of people's couches. The woman who is supposed to have been my mother? I have no idea if she actually was. She never called herself my mother. She was a duster, too, probably to escape the shithole we were in. Best day of my life was when the police picked me up out of the gutter.”

 

Kaidan recognized the same bland detached voice he used when describing his own experiences. Neither of them seemed to notice that while Shepard was talking their shoulders were leaning into each other. “This is the first true look at family life I have ever had. It's nice. I never knew what I missed,” Shepard murmured. Kaidan sighed when Shepard gently increased the pressure on his shoulder. His turn again.

 

“I'll never forget my 15th birthday. This is the infamous 'incident'.” He rubbed his eyes.

 

“I was laid up with the worst intractable migraine I had ever experienced at that point. Nausea, light intolerance, throbbing head, auras, dizziness...you name it, it happened. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I missed a couple of days of school. Per the norm, Matt collected all my homework and brought it to me. He didn't even need to knock on the door to come in; Ma knew him well enough. He sat on my bed and put my head in his lap, rubbing my temples. I didn't really know what to do. His touch wasn't unwelcome, but I didn't want it to be _him_. You know?”

 

Shepard kept his face carefully blank.

 

“Anyway. Matt saw I was sweaty and told me I would feel better if I took my shirt off. He started rubbing my back and tried to pull the shirt up. I told him to knock it off. Then he tried to put his hands underneath my shirt again. I got mad at that point and asked him to leave. He refused and tried to put his hands....let's just say under my clothes again. I pushed him off the bed and yelled at him to get the fuck out. My biotics were starting to move books and stuff around the room. He yelled back that I was being stupid and that I really wanted it, otherwise why did we do what we did that one time. I told him it was an experiment and he knew it when it happened.”

 

“Hit pause on the story and go back to that. Experiment?” Shepard's expression was quizzical. Kaidan sighed, shuffling his feet in the grass.

 

“We were fresh-faced teenagers, Shepard. Everything was changing. I didn't know if what was happening was normal, really, all I knew was that attention felt...nice. It never mattered who it was from. I had _thoughts_ about girls and boys. I had already kissed a few girls, but I wanted to kiss a boy just to see. Matt just happened to be it. And wouldn't you know, Pop caught us in the hay storage.” Shepard suppressed a mirthless laugh.

 

“Go figure,” he said, “Did you like it?”

 

“It was what it was. I didn't feel anything for Matt; maybe I'd've liked it better if he had been better at it. It was blazingly apparent afterwards that Matt felt something more. Pop never mentioned it to me, and I don't think he had told Ma about it, either. He did give me a big hug that night before bed, though. Told me he loved me no matter what.” Kaidan paused, fiddling with his sunglasses.

 

“Anyway. Ma came running up the stairs when she heard us yelling. She tried to open the door, but Matt had locked it. She busted the door open so hard she broke the frame. She yelled at Matt to get out. He left. I was sobbing at that point, my head hurt so bad. She didn't say anything for a while. I don't know how much she heard, and she never volunteered that information. After I had quieted down, she said he wasn't a very good friend if he didn't know the meaning of the word 'no.' I told her everything at that point. The thoughts, the kiss, everything.”

 

Shepard clenched his jaw. He had absolutely no idea about any of this; no wonder Kaidan was secretive about his past.

 

“When I went back to school the next week, everything was different. People openly stared at me, pointed, whispered. Some pretty awful slurs were used. Nobody wanted to even walk past me in the halls. If I walked towards a group of kids, they immediately flattened themselves against the lockers to get away from me. Hell, even some of the teachers were giving me dirty looks. I didn't make it through first period; I bolted. Abigail tracked me down and explained.”

 

“Matt had been angry at how it all went down, so he came back and said that _I_ had been the one to try to touch him, get him out of his clothes, and wouldn't take 'no' for an answer.” Shepard couldn't believe what he was hearing. “Then Matt said I had tried to coerce him with my biotics.”

 

“He didn't!” came Shepard's strangled outrage.

 

“He did. Administration was torn. I had a spotless record in school, but they knew about the biotics.” Kaidan restlessly picked at the bark on the log, drawing away from Shepard a little. Shepard didn't want him to leave, but didn't make any move to keep him there. He wanted to hurt something. “When I saw Matt in the hall, I sorta lost it. He made a 'kissy' face at me and flipped me off. I told him to shove it, and he said he had already tried, but I was too much of a bitch to take it.” Shepard's eyes glittered menacingly as he growled, “Tell me you knocked him on his ass.”

 

Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck, sheepish. He was leaning against Shepard's leg again. “Oh, I did more than that. Punched him in the face, broke his nose. And my biotics were out in full force...not enough to do anything other than rattle the lockers a bit. I didn't have an implant at that point. But it was impressive enough.” Shepard shook his head, staring off at the mountains.

 

“Unbelievable,” he muttered.

 

“I was arrested and expelled. The officer that took my statement said no charges would be brought against me, since I had been provoked. He said he knew my dad and wasn't going to book me, either, that it was just a misunderstanding and would get swept under the rug. He drove me home after stopping by school again to get my bag and things. I saw Abigail crying, but I didn't get a chance to say anything to her.”

 

“As soon as I walked in the door, those smug Conatix bastards were there in the living room, in their suits, looking like they had won a battle. Ma was crying. They made it clear I was out of options at this point. The only choice I had left was I could walk out with them willingly, or they would take me. Pop gripped my shoulders and said, 'Nobody can take away your pride, honor, or integrity unless you let them. No matter what, I am proud of you.' I chose to hold my head up and walked out with them. My own choice. Next thing I knew, I was stripped, shaved, and shipped out to Jump Zero.”

 

They sat in heavy silence for a few minutes. Shepard wanted to reassure Kaidan that it was alright, but he didn't know how. Their knees were barely touching at this point and he didn't want to press the issue. “That's nuts. He was a real ass,” he said lamely.

 

“Yes he was.”

 

“Forgive me for asking. I had no idea.”

 

“It's alright. I've squared away my past, Shepard, and I'm over it. I'm not looking to be 'fixed'. Besides,” he prodded Shepard in the ribs with his elbow gently, “It was worth it, since now you owe _me_ a story.”

 

“My turn to say 'later'. Just to be clear...it wasn't that he was a 'he' that bothered you?” He made himself breathe normally. Now was really not the time to start acting hopeful.

 

Kaidan drew back from Shepard, guarded look firmly in place. He looked like he was preparing to shut down. “No,” he finally answered, “Is that going to be an issue, Commander?” There was an unmistakable edge to his voice.

 

Shepard shook his head. “God no,” he said, brow furrowed, “Anybody who gives you trouble, send 'em my way.” Kaidan nodded, still unsure. Shepard thought it was ironic that Kaidan was worried _Shepard_ would have a problem with it. Well, he _was_ , it was just a different problem than Kaidan thought.

 

“I think it would be best if you think of me as 'neuter', Commander. I don't like to complicate things.”

 

“You read as very, very male to me, Kaidan.”

 

“Not what I meant,” the biotic sighed as he stood up, stretching. Shepard bit the inside of his cheek, willing himself to ignore the other man. Kaidan checked the girths on the horses, then untied them. He walked them over to the log and nodded at Cinder. Shepard mounted up and was handed the reins and his own lead rope. He grabbed Kaidan's hand before he could pull away.

 

“Say what you mean, then.” Kaidan felt a thrill go through him as he looked at their hands and Shepard let go. The biotic bounded onto Commodore and started moving, anxious to get away from his own messy thoughts. Shepard clucked to Cinder and caught up quickly.

 

“I didn't mean I _was_ neuter, just that I should be thought of as one; a non-entity.”

 

“So, asexual?” That would put a damper on things for certain. Shepard thought that would be a cruel twist of irony.

 

“What?? _No_!” Kaidan said indignantly, blushing furiously. “I can't even believe we're actually having this conversation. You remember when we were talking about BAaT and you asked what we did in our spare time? And I said we kept our clothes on, because I didn't do things like that lightly?”

 

“Yeah...”

 

“Well, I don't do one night stands. It's not that I don't like sex, I do. A lot.” The words rushed out of his mouth.

 

Shepard laughed. “What do you know, something we have in common.”

 

Kaidan's cheeks reddened again as he became more flustered. “What I meant is this: I don't do casual sex, because sex with me is never casual.”

 

Shepard gave him a half smile, not wanting to tease him too badly. “Oh, you don't have a high opinion of yourself.”

 

That was met with an exasperated sigh. “Be serious, Shepard. Meaning, it's never casual _for_ me. I tend to have very strong feelings for my partners. It's never casual because...I have a hard time separating my feelings out. You get all of me. Heart, body, and soul. So that's why it's just easier to pretend I don't exist in that capacity.”

 

Shepard gave him a considering look. Kaidan had put his sunglasses back on, presumably to hide his face as much as possible.

 

“I get it, Kaidan,” he said gently, “What do you know, something else we have in common.”

 

The biotic gave him a small smile. “Well, how about that.”

 

Another few minutes passed by in amicable peace.

 

“Hey Kaidan.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Race you to that tree?”

 

“...you're on.” Kaidan held his golden horse back a little, watching Shepard goad Cinder into a full gallop, swatting her with the ends of the reins as he leaned forward, jacket sleeves rippling in the wind. The mare's red mane licked her neck like flames. He suspected he would have some interesting images in his dreams tonight. He let Shepard pull away from him and laughed to himself when he saw the triumphant fist-pump as the commander passed the agreed upon tree.

 

“What'd I tell ya, K? I _always_ win.” Shepard swung the chestnut around and waited for the lieutenant to catch up, eyes sparkling in excitement. He grinned back at the commander as Commodore loped easily up the path. The butterflies were in full force in his belly.

 

“That you do, Shepard, that you do.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooo, the feels.


	12. Never Have I Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one in which Shepard gets friggin' hammered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gratuitous shower scene, here we come. 
> 
> LOOKIE WHAT I GOT!! ART BY ANKSHEY!! http://i.imgur.com/xMNFq6H.jpg

_**Wish You Were Here** _ , by potionsmaster

 

Rating: M for language, some more than slightly adult situations with teenagers. Mentions of assaulting civilians. And guns. And they're drinking in a bar. And mentions of adult situations while they're drinking in said bar...wonder if there's any other vice I can shoehorn in....don't answer that, I know there are plenty. :P

 

 

 **Chapter 11** : _Never Have I Ever_

 

As he washed off the barn dirt in the shower, Kaidan felt like he was scrubbing a great weight off his shoulders. He never told anybody all of it before, not even Rahna. He frowned to himself as he thought about her and what he supposed her reaction would have been. He doubted she would have been as understanding as Shepard, but she would have given him a smile anyway and said, “It's ok, Kaidan, it's over now. No use thinking about it.” He turned his face up in the stream of water, letting it wash the suds and memories down the drain.

 

Kaidan turned his thoughts to the conversation he and Shepard had before they galloped home. His CO was becoming shockingly... _human_ to him. Sure, he knew intrinsically that Shepard put his BDUs on one leg at a time, just like the rest of the crew, but the man was a living legend. It was hard not to picture him as this stoic war machine, incapable of feeling pain or fear. Just seeing him lock his armor plating in place sent a frisson of excitement through him when they geared up, though he was loathe to admit there might be a little more to it than plain old hero-worship at this point.

 

So long as he was being totally honest with himself, he wasn't exactly as comfortable with his preferences as he wanted to be. He was very grateful that Shepard didn't seem to care about...well.   _It_.  His fingers rubbed his scalp, trying to rinse out the last of the shampoo and found the amp port scar. Kaidan delicately traced it, remembering how gentle Shepard had been when he found it. Not like it hurt if anybody actually hit it, but still.

 

He shivered under the water, goosebumps playing across his overheated skin as a pleasurable shockwave flowed down to his toes. It was an unintended consequence of messing with his amp, usually unwelcome at best and inconvenient at worst. He couldn't lose the feeling of Shepard's fingers on his head, though, exploring the smooth edges of the burns. What had happened in the hay storage was definitely inconvenient; it took all the force of will he had to control it. Thank God his biotics didn't flare...

 

He blew out a shaky breath, willing that train of thought to a stop. This was completely inappropriate and he knew it, damn it. Now if only he could convince the rest of his body of that, he'd be ok. Kaidan reluctantly finished rinsing his hair; he remembered someone else touching his amp and it almost had the same result. _Rahna._ He sighed as he leaned against the cool tiles, head buried in his arms, steam roiling around him.

 

She had found him hidden away in a dark classroom after a particularly grueling lesson Vyrnnus gave. Kaidan had a migraine, a nosebleed, and a few new bruises to add to his collection to show for it. All the kids at BAaT were familiar with it themselves and had been trying to work out ways to relieve the discomfort anyway possible. What he had told Shepard was true; _he_ had kept his clothes on, but some of the other students had not been so timid. He supposed he was lucky that Rahna had the same ideals he did in that regard. But what he hadn't expected was that she might have changed her mind.

 

She sat on the floor next to him, resting her dark head against his bony shoulder. He wrapped a tired arm around her, enjoying the warmth and the company. Gagarin Station was always chilly. Rahna put her soft lips to his cheek, then brushed them next to his ear. She whispered that she had heard about something the other kids did and thought it might help relieve the pain from his migraine. She said one of the other girls had tried it and it had interesting results. He blinked at her dully; they had kissed a bit, maybe gotten a little hands-y at times, but nothing like what she was suggesting. He remembered not really caring at that moment, either; he just wanted the throbbing to stop. He told her she was welcome to try.

 

Rahna gave him a seductive smile as she slid her long fingers across his scalp and started massaging his amp port. His breath hitched as sharp tingles started to spread, warmth pooling in his stomach and lower. Her other hand was on his thigh, fingers mimicking what she was doing to his amp. It felt almost too good. She buried her face in his neck as she pressed herself against him, warm kisses ghosting their way up to his lips. His eyes fluttered closed; blue sparks were beginning to flicker around him in the dim room. His own hands clutched at the floor, sensations overloading his body. She murmured something in his ear, but he couldn't tell what; there was a buzzing in his skull that was drowning everything out.

 

Her hand slid over his pants and found what she was looking for. It was too much. Kaidan felt his whole body seize up as a brilliant nova of cerulean energy crackled around him, the world fading to white. Breathing heavily, he felt a trail of fire drip down his lips. He dragged his eyes open and touched under his nose. He saw fresh blood on his trembling hand and caught sight of Rahna sitting beside him, arms crossed. He tried to pull her back into a hug, but she shrugged him off, giving him a dirty look.

 

Kaidan quickly shoved the memory away, not wanting to continue it. That was his first 'complete' experience with anybody and he was undecided if he was ok with how it ended. He wasn't sure what Rahna had been expecting. Maybe she had gotten a nasty shock from the biotics; he didn't know at the time that _that_ was even possible. It made him very careful during any other experience he had. It seemed that whenever he lost control of himself, even in minor situations like that, it came back to royally bite him in the ass. He shifted under the water, letting it splash over him.

 

At least it had gotten rid of the headache.

 

He pondered how he had managed to convince himself that he'd been in love with Rahna. Looking back, she had been very content to receive his attentions but hadn't been so big on returning them. He tucked the memories back into their box to be examined at a later time; he was good at compartmentalizing, almost to a fault. Besides, Abigail wouldn't want to hear about his mental druthers; she hated Rahna on principle. Kaidan rubbed his hands over his face and turned off the water.

 

Shepard was apparently not going to fit neatly into a box, nor would the box stay closed. It was very confusing. Kaidan had no idea what Shepard's own preferences were, or if they had been flirting, or....only making some really suggestive jokes. And it seemed like Shepard had a bit of a different idea about personal space bubbles than most people. He guessed he had seen something similar on other ships he served on between regular fire team squad-mates. Maybe he was too uptight. Or maybe he was paranoid. He wanted Abby's opinion.

 

He toweled his hair carefully, watching himself in the mirror. It was due for a trim. At least he didn't have to keep it regulation short anymore; there were some perks to being an officer. Back in BAaT, they shaved his head for surgery and he had been all dark eyebrows, haunted eyes, and stranded ears until it grew back. It was almost the same face that had looked back at him when he enlisted and went through boot camp. Once out, he had kept a high and tight, but he still thought he looked like a cartoon until he made officer and was able to let it grow out.

 

He frowned again, looking at the lines that had recently developed in his forehead. Nothing he could do about those. He gave a small sigh and lightly applied hair gel to keep it off his face, then wrapped the towel around his waist. Once he was sure it was secure, Kaidan padded down the hall to his room and smacked face-first into Shepard's chest in his doorway.

 

“Unf!”

 

“Careful, LT!” Shepard grunted on impact, grabbing him by the shoulders to keep them both upright. Kaidan swallowed hard, feeling the warmth of the commander's hands on his damp skin.

 

“It's my room; I shouldn't have to be,” he retorted, “What're you doing in here, anyway?” His ears were burning at the contact and he hoped Shepard didn't notice. Infatuation had sunk some deep hooks in and now they were twisting. He shrugged out of the commander's grasp and pushed his way into the room. Shepard followed him and flopped on Kaidan's bed. He was wearing a crisp new pair of dark jeans and an undershirt that was rather tight. Kaidan studiously ignored him as he opened his closet.

 

“Your mother said I should raid your room again for something to wear tonight.”

 

Kaidan was frozen in front of the clothes storage, unsure what his next move was going to be. He was acutely aware that only a piece of cloth was keeping him from being totally nude in front of Shepard, not that the commander was paying any attention. He felt guilty about being self-conscious; they were soldiers serving together. It was nothing out of the ordinary for men to be naked in front of other men in the lockers or showers.

 

“I suppose you could borrow a sweater,” he mumbled, more to himself than anything as he slid hangers around, looking at the clothes. He decided he hated everything in his closet at the moment.

 

“You can't be serious,” Shepard had a dubious look on his face.

 

“Afraid so. Or this button down, it's a titch too big for me.”

 

Shepard guffawed. “Nobody uses a word like 'titch' anymore, Kaida - what's that?” Kaidan was still sifting through his closet. “What's what?” he asked distractedly.

 

“ _That_.”

 

He saw Shepard staring at his left hip, looking delighted as he pointed. Dark purple points had bloomed at the top of his towel, which had started to slip dangerously low.

 

“Oh, uh...that. That's nothing,” he faltered, tightening the towel.

 

“That didn't look like 'nothing'. Your lies are as terrible as your introductions.” Kaidan shot him a look.

 

“Pretty sure I'm not the first marine with ink, Shepard.” He matter-of-factly ignored the commander as the man crawled across the bed on his stomach with an awed expression on his face. He doubted Shepard realized what he was doing was highly flirtatious.

 

“Yeah, but I never would have imagined that _you_ of all people would have one. What is it?”

 

“Not important, Shepard.” Kaidan was dismissive as he pulled a shirt off a hanger.

 

“I want to know! And, way more important, _see_.”

 

“Not happening.”

 

“Don't make me pull rank, LT.”

 

“Off-duty, remember?”

 

“OK. Then I'll pull the towel.”

 

“You wouldn't!” Kaidan clutched at the cloth around his waist, eyes widened in shock. Shepard let a devious smirk grow on his face.

 

“Oh, I think might. It'd just be easier to show me, you know.”

 

Kaidan sighed and rubbed the back of his hand across his forehead, acquiescing. “Don't judge; I got it when I came home from BAaT. I was looking for...peace? Absolution? I dunno. Abigail got one at the same time, but she went all out. A dragon and a tiger.”

 

Shepard tucked a finger into the top of the towel and tugged gently as he ran his tongue over one of his canines. The goosebumps came back, crawling up Kaidan's arms. Maybe Shepard _did_ know how distracting he was...

 

“That doesn't surprise me at all,” he said playfully. He was having way too much fun tormenting the lieutenant. He also incredibly didn't mind the excuse to touch him, either. The goosebumps hadn't escaped his notice. Shepard briefly thought it was a good thing his stomach was pressed into the bed.

 

Kaidan slapped his hand indignantly and shot him a dirty look. “You have personal boundary issues, you know that?” He carefully arranged the towel so that the way he held it covered everything in the front but was loose enough to droop around his hips and rear.

 

Shepard nodded appreciatively, drinking in the image. He wanted to trace the outline but thought better of it. A dark purple flower that faded to yellow in the middle was nestled into the hollow of the lieutenant's hip. A few petals had fallen off and trailed down, but the towel blocked the view. He appreciated what the artist did with the falling petals; they definitely complimented the canvas they were on. “I like the colors. Is it a lotus?”

 

“I'm surprised you know what a lotus is.”

 

“Give me some credit, Kaidan. I know a tiny bit about Buddhism. But why your hip?” Kaidan knotted the towel tightly against his stomach again. “Easier to hide underneath the underwear.”

 

“That's a shame. I like it...almost wish it was somewhere else so I could see it more often.” Shepard didn't bother to hide his disappointment.

 

“I got it for me, not other people, Commander.”

 

“Fair enough.” Shepard bounced himself off the mattress, recognizing the signs of the lieutenant closing down. He was in control of himself again, anyway. “I'll just wear my N7 hoodie again and let you dress in peace. I have to check reports on the Normandy's progress before we go, anyway. Last I knew, they found some fried wiring behind a few panels. That might extend leave by a day or two if they can't get the proper gauge.” Kaidan watched him leave, still holding the towel in place as butterflies flitted in his stomach. Nosiest CO indeed.

 

~*~*~*~

 

“Just be careful tonight, John. Some of the locals can get...rowdy. Especially after a few too many.”

 

“I think we'll be ok, Mrs A. Have you ever been in an officer's club? That can be a raucous crowd.”

 

Mrs Alenko smiled, “If I ever was, I don't remember.” The doctor shook his head, “Oh, you do, you just don't want to admit it.” She flushed and swatted at his arm, impish grin tugging at her lips. Shepard was leaning against the counter in his usual spot, watching Kaidan's parents put away dishes from the dishwasher.

 

“I can always bring my pistol, but that might be a bit much,” Shepard pointed out.

 

“Probably, Commander,” Dr Alenko agreed.

 

“You'd cause another diplomatic incident, Shepard. I'd leave it at home,” Kaidan interjected. The three adults turned to look at him.

 

“You take all the fun out of life, K.”

 

Kaidan raised an eyebrow at him. “Uh-huh. Someone needs to keep you in line.”

 

“I would just claim 'Spectre business' and it'd be fine.”

 

Dr Alenko looked disgruntled. “Wait...” he broke in, “ _another_ diplomatic incident?”

 

The men shared a sheepish look as Kaidan replied, “Surprised you didn't hear about it, Pop. Shepard punched a reporter from Westerlund News. ANN and Citadel News Net were all over it.” Dr Alenko gave them a stern look and Mrs Alenko put her hands on her hips.

 

“ _John_ ,” she admonished. Kaidan bit his lower lip, trying not to laugh. “If you even want to call it a 'punch'....more like a bitch-slap. I don't think I've ever seen worse form,” he chuckled; he couldn't help himself.

 

“ _Kaidan!_ ” his mother rounded on him, “ _Both_ of you! I just-I can't even-” She was speechless.

 

“It's not like I wanted to seriously hurt her! And I was in armor; I wasn't going to throw a hay-maker,” Shepard protested, throwing his hands up in innocence. Dr Alenko cleared his throat. “I'm not sure that was the best way for you to handle the situation, Commander. That was childish.” Kaidan swallowed his laughter and tried to be serious.

 

“You're representing all of us now, to the entire galaxy. How do you think that looks?” Shepard hunched his shoulders, looking suitably chagrined. He truly hadn't thought about that when it happened. Kaidan moved between his father and Shepard. “He got a dressing down from the brass, Pop, and it released to the press for damage control. It's over and done with. Let it be.” Dr Alenko had a stormy look on his face, but bit his tongue. “We gotta go anyway; Abigail will skin us if we're late,” he added.

 

“No pistols,” came the firm reprimand.

 

“No pistols,” Kaidan agreed. Shepard rubbed the back of his neck as they made their way to the garage and into the truck. Kaidan nudged his shoulder and gave the commander a tiny smile as he backed out of the garage and headed down the long driveway.

 

“Looks like it was my turn to be the teenager,” Shepard muttered, looking abashedly out the window.

 

“It happens,” the lieutenant said, “but I believe someone told me that it only works if you let it get to you.”

 

Shepard gave a rueful snort. “They sound smart. It wasn't my proudest moment when I hit her, I'll admit.” Kaidan didn't say anything as he drove.

 

“....Felt good, though.” Shepard added after a bit.

 

“You're incorrigible.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Abigail had secured a booth in a corner of the lowly lit bar by the time they had arrived. She looked sultry with her curly hair cascading around her bare shoulders, black slouchy top revealing her tattoos on her back. On her left shoulder blade was a black and green dragon snaking between tendrils of purple smoke and on the right was a full color tiger surrounded by blue lightning. The two images met in the middle of her back and intertwined down her spine. Shepard was surprised at how soft around the edges she was as she knelt on the table to wave them over; he thought she would have been a gym rat from how severely she had been dressed earlier.

 

Kaidan whistled appreciatively. “Going for free drinks tonight?” he teased, slipping his jacket off as he slithered into the booth next to her; she had dropped back into her seat again and immediately reached for the biotic. Shepard sat across from them, feeling like a third wheel. He steeled himself for more pointed comments directed at him and Abby laying all over the lieutenant to mark her territory.

 

“Maay-be,” she said with a lilt in her voice, “You'll have to work the bar for me, though. Bartender doesn't swing my way.” Shepard glanced towards it and saw all females tending it. Lovely. There wasn't going to be any good distraction, either. He busied himself with the zipper of his hoodie, zoning out. Laughter rang out above the thumping music, allowing him to pretend he couldn't hear anything they were saying. Abigail had practically crawled in Kaidan's lap, arms wrapped around his shoulders, whispering in his ear. Kaidan was trying to extract himself from her attentions as gracefully as he could; he saw Shepard was deliberately avoiding looking at them.

 

“Abby, c'mon. Knock it off. You're making this awkward, not to mention I'm a little uncomfortable.” She pouted, but removed her arms from around him. Kaidan put a couple of inches between them and she rolled her eyes.

 

“Oh, please. Like we haven't been closer than _that_ before...” He felt the tips of his ears grow hot. Shepard was fascinated by something in his pocket, not paying attention at all. Kaidan hoped he hadn't actually brought a gun. The thought of frisking his commander floated unbidden through his head. He quashed it quickly with a sharp intake of breath.  'Highly inappropriate,' he reminded himself. Abigail narrowed her eyes at him, then glanced at the commander. She couldn't help thinking they were both being stupidly obtuse as she pieced it together; she had an idea now as to why Shepard bristled at her with every interaction. A harebrained scheme started gelling in her head.

 

“So. Commander Friendly.”

 

Shepard slid his eyes up to her green ones deliberately, bracing himself. “What're we drinking? K-dog tells me you're choosing first round. Make it a good one.” He lifted an eyebrow. “ _K-dog_??” Kaidan looked deliciously flustered at the nickname. “What do you like?” he asked, more to be polite than anything and spare the lieutenant anymore embarrassment.

 

“Bitch drinks or hard liquor. I don't do beer,” she replied as she leaned across the table, “I just can't seem to develop a taste for it.” Shepard nodded, wary of her. She traced a finger across the tabletop, staring deep into his eyes with a hard glare. He vaguely wondered if she was referring only to the beer with the last comment. It felt like she was warning him off. “Right. I'll be back,” he muttered, moving towards the bar. It was a relief to be able to get lost in the crowd.

 

Kaidan watched his retreating form and threw her a look. “Quit being such a witch,” he griped at her, “We're supposed to be having a good time.” She rubbed her cheek on his shoulder as she wound her arm with his and he was uneasily reminded of Rahna again. After a few minutes Abby sighed, “I'm sorry, I don't mean to be. I'm selfish; I miss you and want you all to myself.” He bumped her forehead with his. “Sorry, but that's not happening. I can't just leave him.” She barked out a laugh.

 

“Tell me about it. He puts up a good front, but he's like a lost puppy. Have you seen the way he loo-”

 

“Me or him?,” Shepard broke into the conversation, “he follows me like my shadow when we're on missions. Of course, I order him to, but that's beside the point.” Shepard had appeared from nowhere and plunked down six double shots of rum. Abigail pursed her lips and examined the commander. He surreptitiously looked her over, their eyes meeting in mutual challenge. She knew he had interrupted on purpose, the ass. It all but confirmed her suspicions. Kaidan gave him an incredulous look.

 

“Are we taking a cab tonight?”

 

“I can take yours if you want, but I need social lubricant,” Shepard clarified, catching and holding his gaze over the top of a shot glass, “Besides, it's early.” He downed the shot while maintaining eye contact. Kaidan felt a rush of warmth spread in his chest as he watched the commander swallow the golden brown liquid. Abigail got a gleeful look as she reached for one, elbowing him in the side. “Ooo, and he's _honest_. Let's do this.” She knocked it back, wincing at the burn. Kaidan was fighting to not think too hard about Shepard's actions or choice of words over the past few days as he pulled one towards him; it certainly implied things.

 

“I better not regret this...” Kaidan muttered before downing the liquor. “You won't,” Shepard promised, voice softer than before. Abby was reaching for another. “What should we toast?” she said loudly, holding it up. “Drinking. It's a shore leave tradition,” Kaidan quipped.

 

“Cheers,” Shepard said, swallowing his second and shaking his head as he slapped the shot-glass on the table, “Someone else's turn to choose.” Abigail shoved Kaidan playfully after she finished hers. “You're closer,” she said. He huffed a small laugh but went to go order. She fixed Shepard with a sharp stare again. “So, I need your help with something,” she stated. He eyed her cautiously. Kaidan had left his second shot untouched.

 

“Oh?”

 

“You need to help me get Kaidan drunk. He starts singing and dancing, sometimes he glows blue. It's really fun,” she purred as she leaned conspiratorially across the table, placing a hand on his forearm. He stared at it, willing her to move.

 

“You know I need him to drive back, right?” he said darkly.

 

“Fine. Tipsy, then. If you've never seen him loosen up, you're in for a treat. Did you know he giggles?” Shepard furrowed his brow and squinted through the crowd, looking for said man. He could really use that drink right about now. Abby continued with a silky tone, “And he will tell you just about anything if you ask. It's a pretty useful trick.” He focused on the slender woman again. “Why are you telling me this?”

 

She tilted her head down and looked up at him through her eyelashes, eyes smoldering. “Because he also gets _really_ open to suggestions. Could be fun....but you already think that, don't you?”

 

Shepard scowled at her. “Not interested,” he said flatly, “And I don't know what you're talking about.”

 

“Mmm, I think you're lying,” she hummed. He continued to glare at her. “What about, exactly, will come to light a little later, methinks.” He sighed. This was not going to be pleasant. She eyed the forgotten rum. “Split it with you?” she asked, running her tongue over her top lip.

 

“No offense, Abby, but you can stop with the hints. You're not exactly my type.” Her eyes warmed as she smiled, tongue still playing with her lip. _Victory_. “None taken. I get the feeling I'm a little too much 'girl' for you, since you spend more time eye-fucking Kaidan than me. I don't usually go for such hard personalities myself, but you're Commander Shepard, first human Spectre! When will I ever get another chance?” He snorted and shook his head, struggling not to react to her comments. “I'm serious! Who else can say they hit on the great man himself?”

 

“You're a piece of work, you know that?”

 

“Yep. It's a bad habit. So about that rum...” she pushed it towards him. Kaidan came back then with four more double shots of rum and a lowball three-fingers deep of whiskey on the rocks. Shepard quirked an eyebrow at the whiskey. “I can't do rum...got sick off it when I was younger and it doesn't end well,” the lieutenant explained. Abigail batted her eyes at him.

 

“And the whiskey makes you look so sophisticated,” she giggled, “especially when you _swirl_ it.” He gave her a suave look while he mockingly twirled the amber liquid in its glass with a practiced hand. Shepard stifled an eye roll and took the entire double shot that Abby pushed towards him. A warm fuzziness was starting to grow in the pit of his stomach. He rolled his head, trying to loosen up his neck.

 

Kaidan flicked his eyes to the commander at the movement. He could admit freely to himself at this point that Shepard was fairly easy on the eyes. Abigail was crawling on the table again, trying to see if the cover band was setting up. “So what's the plan?” he asked, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her back down. Shepard had a politely glazed-over expression while he watched the crowd.

 

“I either need to drink a lot more and actually get drunk or I need to go to bed,” he said lazily, locking his heavy-lidded gaze on Kaidan's, “And you, my friend, need to catch up somehow.” He leaned his elbows on the table, pushing the lowball towards the biotic, “I'll need back up to deal with this one.” He nodded towards Abigail as she started excitedly smacking Kaidan on the arm. “I know!! We need to play 'Never Have I Ever'!” she exclaimed.

 

Both men groaned. “Don't be such pansies. It'll be fun, come on! I'll go first. Never have I ever....slept on a starship before. I'll start with easy ones,” she said slyly. They shared a look as they clinked their drinks.

 

“One question is a sip. Otherwise by the fourth question, I'll be on the floor,” Kaidan specified.

 

“Fine, yeah, whatever. Drink!” came the fast response and dismissive hand wave. He heaved a sigh and looked at Shepard again. Shepard shook his head and took half a shot, refusing to cringe at the fire crawling down his throat. Kaidan followed suit.

 

“My turn,” Shepard said, “Never have I ever...hmm. Gotten a tattoo.” His eyes crinkled at the corners, amused at his own cleverness. Abby toasted Kaidan and they took their drinks. “How'd you find out his dirty little secret, Commander?” she asked, voice coy. “I have my ways,” Shepard replied with a smirk. Kaidan felt his face go hot as he remembered Shepard pulling on the towel.

 

Abigail glanced between the two of them, chewing her bottom lip. “I'm sure you do,” she said, noting Kaidan's red ears, “But I want to know how you managed to squeak it out of him.”

 

“Alright, alright,” Kaidan broke in, effectively cutting her off. “Never have I ever shoved a tampon up my nose.” He looked pointedly at Abby as she gracefully knocked back the remainder of a double.

 

Shepard froze in shock. “ _What_?!” he asked, searching Kaidan's face for an explanation. The lieutenant had a smug grin in place as he replied, “You heard me. Apparently they're good for nosebleeds.” Abby demurely flipped him the bird. “I'll save that for later,” he quipped, pretending to put it in his pocket, “Your turn.” He was starting to feel the buzz at the base of his skull.

 

She blinked at the table, surveying the mostly empty shot glasses. “We'll need more,” she complained, words slurring slightly, “Never have I ever. Huh. Slept with a girl.” Both men stared at her and grabbed a drink. Shepard caught her gaze with a mischievous twinkle as he tossed his rum down. She looked between them in surprise. Apparently she had miscalculated the commander.

 

“Really? You walked into that one,” Kaidan smirked at her. He seemed to think that Shepard sleeping with a girl was the norm; she couldn't figure out why it appeared her friend was deliberately missing all the signs to the contrary. She fixed Shepard with a beady-eyed stare and tossed another shot. Shepard had his own devious grin playing on his lips; he had a feeling Abigail was digging for intel. He was sure it was the booze taking over, but he didn't really care. He bet she had been taken aback by him drinking to her last statement; it was only once when he was in Boston and it was just to 'make sure'. He was also willing to wager that she would come out with something worse next time. Shepard was actually looking forward to it; it'd been a while since he played any type of game.

 

“I'll go get the next round,” he said. His limbs felt pleasantly loose as he stood up. He clapped a hand on Kaidan's shoulder and squeezed gently as he walked past him on the way to the bar; he couldn't help himself. He missed the wistful glance Kaidan shot him as his hand drifted away. He also missed Abigail's eagle eyes taking it all in.

 

“Hmph,” she muttered darkly, draping herself in her best friend's lap. “Well, what were you expecting?” Kaidan asked before finishing his whiskey. He noted his cheeks were starting to feel a little numb. He figured if this was the way the game had turned already, he would need more liquid courage. Abigail could be ruthless in her questions. He was glad she was, because he would never be brave enough to ask anything like she would.

 

“I dunno, K-dog. I'll have to try harder to shake him. I want him to squirm.”

 

Kaidan snorted, “You've never heard radio chatter or locker room talk from marines before, have you. We're a pretty salty bunch.” Shepard came back and carefully placed a bottle of rum and a bottle of whiskey on the table in front of them. “So we don't have to walk as much,” he said, sounding pleased. Abby detached herself from Kaidan and leaned over the table, kissing Shepard lightly on the tip of his nose. He leaned back, startled. Kaidan was refilling his glass as he watched the exchange.

 

“That's amaze-balls, Commander Friendly! How'd you do it?”

 

He rubbed his nose with a wry smile. “Special discount for military,” he said, “ My turn, right? Never have I ever...kissed a boy.” Both Kaidan and Abby started to take a drink, though Abby was glaring daggers at him. “Wait for it,” Shepard continued, holding up a hand. They paused expectantly, drinks halfway to their mouths. “In a hay storage,” he finished, eyeing Kaidan. The biotic shot him a dirty look as he took a slug of his whiskey.

 

Abigail put her shot down and stuck her fist out to Shepard for a fist bump. To his own surprise, he returned it. She clapped her hands together excitedly. Kaidan caught his eye and quirked an eyebrow. Shepard winked at him and poured more whiskey in the lowball. The butterflies were back and mixing with the liquor. 'How about that,' Kaidan thought.

 

The biotic leaned back in the booth, studying his commander sitting calmly across from him. He felt like time was slowing down and he was moving underwater. He rubbed his foot against the table leg, trying to decide what his next statement would be in the game.

 

“Never have I ever been to Boston.”

 

“Guess that's fair, considering,” Shepard said, taking a full double shot this time.

 

“Payback's a bitch,” Kaidan agreed, cocking his finger at him like a gun.

 

“Never have I ever had a crush on a coworker,” Abby said, giving them sidelong glances. Both men took a drink. Shepard let out a small sigh of relief. That question was fairly benign, considering the subject matter of choice.

 

“Never slept with a biotic,” he said, eyeing Kaidan's profile. Abigail took a shot while ruffling Kaidan's hair; Shepard was a little startled that the lieutenant didn't drink at that one. Kaidan shook her off, ears tinged pink again. To his surprise, the table leg moved back against his foot. He looked at Abigail quickly and she had tucked her legs up underneath her skirt on the booth cushion. He cautiously returned the pressure and felt a jolt as their ankles touched.

 

The commander waved a tipsy finger at them. “I knew it,” he said triumphantly.

 

“Like it was that hard to figure out,” Abby burbled back. Kaidan looked miffed. “It was years ago. Let's move on,” he said, “My turn again. Hmmm...Never have I ever....” He drummed his fingers on the table as he thought outloud, “What have I never done...”

 

He locked eyes with Shepard and decided to take a chance.

 

“I never fell for a subordinate.”

 

It was like all the warmth was sucked out of the room. Shepard's face immediately went blank as he grabbed the half-empty rum bottle. “I'm bored with the game; I don't think we should play anymore.” Abigail clutched Kaidan's thigh under the table as Shepard poured another double for himself, avoiding Kaidan's gaze.

 

Kaidan felt like a door had slammed shut in his face. He looked down at his lowball and swirled the liquor just for something to do, a sinking feeling in his gut. Maybe he had read the signals wrong after all. Abigail pried the bottle of rum out of Shepard's hands and poured a drink for herself.

 

“Well. Never have I ever had a game end like _that_ ,” she grumbled to herself. Kaidan shoved his drink back and stood up, suddenly wanting to be alone. “I've gotta go...I'll - I'll be back,” he stammered, making his way towards the bathroom. They both watched him leave, unsaid words straining the quiet between them.

 

“What the _fuck_ was that?” Abigail hissed, shoving a finger into Shepard's chest the second Kaidan's back disappeared in the crowd. Music pounded in the background, filling the silence between them. He didn't look at her. “Fuck,” she spat, throwing herself back into her booth, arms crossed under her breasts. He didn't meet her eyes. “You wouldn't understand,” he said to his shot-glass.

 

“I don't have to. That was a dick move, Commander.”

 

His head lolled. Too much rum on an empty stomach. “I can't.” Abby shot him a poisonous look.

 

“I don't care,” she snapped, “I can't _believe_ you...leading him on like that.” Shepard glared at her with just as much venom.

 

“I mean, I can't get that close. It was a mistake, alright? A big mistake.” She lifted an elegant eyebrow, offended.

 

“That is my best friend you are calling a 'mistake'. Would you like some salt to go with your foot? Because you're really shoving it in there...” He leaned forward on his elbows, room tilting.

 

“Not what I said...I would never call him a mistake; I meant I _made_ a mistake. I let it go too far. I never should have come here to begin with,” he lamented. Abigail put her face right next to his. “ _Fuck you_ ,” she snarled, “Why would you even think this was _remotely_ ok?”

 

He stared at her morosely through an alcoholic haze, noses an inch apart. “It's not. I gotta talk to him. It's really not him. It's regs.” Abigail flicked his nose and he blinked.

 

“If you break his heart, I will break every bone in your body. Just so we're clear. I'll be on the dance floor if you need me, you pompous ass.” She stalked away, hair bouncing. Shepard dragged himself up and started working his way to the bathroom, scanning the crowd for the biotic. He noticed an exit to the alley in the hallway to the restrooms and poked his head out. Kaidan was leaning against the wall under the stars, opening and closing one fist around a blue glow.

 

“Kaidan...?” He stepped outside. The lieutenant looked up, startled.

 

“Oh. Shepard,” he said dully, “What're you doing out here?”

 

“Looking for you.”

 

“Well, you found me.” He didn't look at the commander as he continued to flare his biotics. Shepard leaned on the wall next to him, barely any space between them. Kaidan didn't want to be that close, but there was no way he was going to give any ground, either.

 

“I'm sorry,” Shepard said, “I forgot myself. This is why I don't drink much, especially around my crew. It ruins the illusion.” Kaidan scoffed.

 

“Seems like there was a little more going on than just drinking tonight, Shepard. What're we doing?”

 

Shepard looked at him mournfully. “Being good little soldiers,” he replied softly.

 

“Shepard...” Kaidan trailed off, “This is why I told you-”

 

“I know,” the commander interrupted, “ 'Think of me as neuter,' blah blah blah. It's difficult.”

 

“Yeah. And frustrating.”

 

“Yeah. If I weren't your CO...or if we just met randomly on shore leave...”

 

“I hear ya,” Kaidan replied thickly, his stomach jerking. So it _was_ flirting. He swallowed hard. Good to know. He squeezed his eyes shut, not really wanting it confirmed. It just made it worse, realizing that the feelings were mutual and being unable to do a damn thing about it. Shepard sighed heavily.

 

“This was not how I pictured it going,” he muttered. Kaidan rolled his head to the side, staring at Shepard's profile.

 

“How _did_ you picture it?”

 

“I hadn't really gotten that far,” Shepard admitted, looking at him. Kaidan snorted derisively, shaking his head. He let his hand drop and it brushed against Shepard's. His CO didn't move away from the contact. “The mission has to come first,” Shepard said quietly, “Always. There's just too much at stake.”

 

“Yeah.” Kaidan's throat constricted around the word.

 

“Maybe...when it's over...”

 

“Shepard, you know as well as I do that it's probably not ever going to 'be over'; there's always going to be another mission. Either I transfer to another ship and command so it would be possible and we would never see each other, or I stay on the Normandy and we still would never be able to see each other.”

 

“I don't want you to go.”

 

“I don't want to go, either. So what do we do?” Kaidan looked at him. Shepard gave him a sad smile and hooked his pinkie around Kaidan's.

 

“Lots of cold showers,” he joked. The lieutenant's breath caught in his chest as he felt Shepard's finger wrap around his. He huffed a laugh.

 

“Yeah. And working out, I imagine.” Shepard sighed, looking at their linked hands. “I don't want to lose this. But it can't go any further. And therein lies the problem, LT.”

 

“Ok. So we just keep doing what we're doing. Wait for the mission to complete.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean we keep talking to each other, spend time together when we can. If the feelings last to the end of the mission, we'll give it a shot. If not, well....it would've been a nice idea.”

 

Shepard swallowed hard, squeezing his little finger around Kaidan's. “Sounds hard to do, but I'm willing.” Kaidan nodded, eyes still on Shepard's face. “It can't change anything with the crew,” Kaidan warned.

 

“Agreed,” he said, then shivered in the late March night air. Kaidan gave him a soft smile, “You cold, Shepard?”

 

“Maybe a little,” he admitted, “Aren't you?”

 

“No,” Kaidan smiled a little broader, “Biotics run hot.” He pushed himself off the wall. “We should go back in for Abby,” he said reluctantly. Shepard sighed and let his hand drop away from Kaidan's.

 

“Ok. And just so you know, I'm still pretty drunk. I might try to grope you. Please stop me.”

 

The biotic shook his head yet again. “I wish I didn't have to.” He opened the door and put a hand on Shepard's back, guiding him inside. Oh lord, did he wish he didn't have to...

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about you guys, but I love it when Kaidan starts sharing his personal memories.


	13. Status Quo is Bittersweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's so new, it's not even out of the box yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucky you, huh? Double post today! I don't know about you all, but last chapter was all over the map of feels for me. So here's a bunch of flirty fluff to make up for it. Shepard has a nasty possessive streak. Also, I own nothing of the songs I mention, I just like them. And more Harry Potter stuff I will never own. Book 7 spoilers.

_**Wish You Were Here,**_ by potionsmaster

 

Rating: T for language. Not nearly as much Kaidan in a towel doing naughty things with his amp. Or assaulting civilians. Or guns. Still some drinking, but safe enough to drop it back down. Abby's still vulgar, though.  Imagine that.  Evil distraction warning, too.

 

 

 **Chapter 12** : _Status Quo is Bittersweet_

 

Shepard's head was buzzing with rum and what had happened outside. Kaidan's hand was a welcome warmth on his back, but as soon as they returned indoors it dropped away. He was unsure of where they stood together. He was reasonably certain at this point that Kaidan was open to the idea of them together, if the pinkie-hand-holding was any indication. The bass from the music was throbbing. He didn't know what their 'status' was. They weren't technically dating, but they weren't 'just friends' either. Regs prevented 'benefits', so that was out. He sighed. Social media extranet sites would have labeled it as 'it's complicated.'

 

He threw himself down at their booth and stared at the lieutenant, lingering on his strong face. Kaidan looked back at him across the table, lips twisted in that knowing, not-quite-a-smile he did, dark eyes holding heat. Shepard felt something slide against his foot under the table. He pushed it with the toe of his boot and felt it push back. Kaidan chuckled, “Never thought 'footsie' was an option with you, Shepard.”

 

The commander felt a silly grin come across his face, courtesy of the half a fifth of rum he'd consumed, no doubt. “It comes standard on the 'John' touring edition, but not on the utilitarian 'Commander' model,” he said. Kaidan laughed once more. “I want to take the first one out for a test drive at some point,” he teased Shepard, dropping his voice an octave.

 

“Night's still young.”

 

“What was that about 'regs' and 'mission first'? I seem to recall something about a 'hard limit' on absolutely no fraternization, too.”

 

“Yep. I also said I would probably try to feel you up and you needed to stop me. Way to go, cock-blocker.”

 

Kaidan shook his head, looking out at the dance floor. The cover band was in full swing. It was weird, but in a way, he was _happy_. He saw Abigail with her curly hair flying, arms in the air, and dancing wildly. He reached for his whiskey again, taking a sip. Shepard slid over the booth seat, leaning his elbows on the table and sitting next to him suddenly.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hey yourself.”

 

“Come here often?” Shepard leaned his shoulder into the lieutenant's and caught his eye. Kaidan shook his head again, amused.

 

“Smooth, Shepard. Real smooth.”

 

“John.”

 

“What?”

 

“Call me 'John' tonight. Not 'Shepard'. Make me feel like I'm human.”

 

“Ok... _John_...it's weird to call you that.”

 

Shepard exhaled noisily through his nose, leaning back in the booth. He looked a little disappointed.

 

“If it's too weird, Shepard's fine, I guess.”

 

“No, no. I'll get used to it. I'm still trying it on for size,” Kaidan said quickly, pushing his knee into the other man's and leaving it there. Shepard glanced at him out the corner of his eye, reaching for the rum. Kaidan slid it out of reach. “I think you've had enough for the moment, _John._ ”

 

“You may be right. Has the room always been so off-center?”

 

“Definitely had enough.”

 

“Why aren't you more drunk? I feel like a cheap date here.”

 

Kaidan snorted, then said, “Biotic metabolism burns it off more quickly. Plus, I have a few more years experience in punishing my liver than you do.” Shepard leaned against Kaidan again, enjoying the warmth. They watched Abby for a bit. He was entertained to find that the lieutenant was fidgeting in his seat until he realized that Kaidan was really moving to the music while mouthing the lyrics. He remembered Abby saying Kaidan would dance when tipsy. He bumped his hip against Kaidan's and put his lips near his ear.

 

“Go dance with her, if you want. You don't have to babysit me. I'll hold down the fort.”

 

The biotic gave him a soft smile and said, “Maybe I'd rather stay here.”

 

“I don't know if you heard me earlier today, but I. Don't. Dance.”

 

“That's fine.”

 

“You apparently do.”

 

“It's been known to happen.”

 

“So you _were_ dancing with that pitchfork.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Interesting. Let me out; I have to see a vorcha about a varren. I'll let Abby know if it's green.”

 

Kaidan slid out of the booth and watched the commander fade into the crowd. When he sat down again, Abigail plopped into the seat opposite of him with a big whoosh of air, fanning herself. She caught his eye, smirk firmly in place.

 

“So? Did you have a quickie in the men's room?”

 

“ _Abigail!!_ ” Kaidan snapped, blushing furiously. She raised her eyebrows expectantly.

 

“Kiss, at least? Grope? Butterfly kissies? _Anything_?”

 

“It's not like that,” he said, concentrating on his drink. She rolled her eyes at him and crossed her arms under her breasts, pushing them up. “Seemed like it to me,” she retorted, “If he could piss on you to make you his, he would.”

 

Kaidan wrinkled his nose at the thought. “So would you,” he pointed out.

 

“Oh, in a heartbeat. You're a hot commodity, my lovely. I had my doubts initially, but he's totally mackin' on you. At least you're not as dumb as you look this time.”

 

“That's...that's not a nice thing to say,” he said.

 

“ _Nice_? What's this word ' _nice_ '? When have you ever known me to be ' _nice_ '?”

 

He flicked a few drops of whiskey at her and she flinched, hissing at him like a cat. “Nope, you didn't melt. Must not be full-blooded witch. Tough luck, sunshine.” She hit his arm lightly. “You're such a dick,” she laughed.

 

“You started it.”

 

“Alright, I'll own it. But seriously, though, anybody who has two brain cells to rub together can see it, Kaid. You're too buttoned up. And Shepard? I think he just doesn't know how to romance anyone. I looked him up, you know? There's hardly any dirt on him and his relationships. Minor rumors, sure, but he's disturbingly clean.”

 

Kaidan nodded, gazing at the crowd thoughtfully. “He says he's always been too busy. I can see how.”

 

Shepard reappeared next to the table and shoved Kaidan over with his hip, plunking himself down in the booth. “Budge over and stop talking about me. It's rude,” he said. He seemed slightly more sober. Abby giggled. “Right on target, Commander Friendly.”

 

Kaidan fought the grin forming as Shepard put his hand on the other man's knee. Drunk Shepard was not subtle. He found himself not really minding. “We should probably get back ...” he started apologetically. Abby shook her head. “You can't go! I requested your favorite song and it's coming up soon! I love it when you sing it!”

 

“Sorry, Abby, but we gotta go. Next time I'm home, we'll do it.”

 

“Whateves, Kaid. He'll find out what a songbird you are at some point. What's your favorite song, Commander?”

 

Shepard chewed his bottom lip, thinking. Abby didn't bother him nearly as much now that Kaidan made it clear he was only interested in a certain Spectre. Imagine that. “Dropkick Murphy. Pretty much anything by them, but 'State of Massachusetts' embodies my childhood.”

 

Kaidan snapped his fingers. “I've heard of 'em. I like their song, 'Rose Tattoo.'” Shepard gave him an appraising look.

 

“Well, well. Someone has a broad taste in music.”

 

“You have no idea, Commander Friendly. You should see the shit he's got on his omni-tool,” Abby said, poking Kaidan's wrist, trying to get it to pop up. He pulled his arm out of reach.

 

“Classified, woman. Hands off.”

 

She pouted. “You're annoyingly sober, Kaidan. You need to drink more.”

 

“No, I need to be able to drive. It's almost 0300 dark. Don't you have work tomorrow?”

 

“I took the rest of the week off. It's not every day that your best friend is home from deployment, especially for his birthday in a couple of days. Besides, your mom asked if I'd chauffeur you and Commander Friendly to the shindig and around Vancouver; she seems to think us young-ins might want to stay in the city for the night. I love your mom.”

 

He nodded, squeezing Shepard's - no, _John's_ , hand on his knee lightly to signal him to move. The commander swung his head to look at Kaidan, then heaved himself to his feet, making his way to the bar to pay the tab.

 

“See you later, Abby-gator.”

 

“In awhile, Kaid-adile. Don't have too much fun without me.” She gave him a knowing smile and wink. He started to walk away but turned back to her, struck by a thought.

 

“Almost forgot, from earlier...you can have this back.” Kaidan flipped her off while walking backwards. Abigail put on a mock-surprised face and pretended to stick it in her pocket as Shepard rejoined the lieutenant. They melted into the crowd.

 

“I”ll save it for later!” she yelled at their backs, “Not like either of _you_ will need it!”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Shepard burrowed into his hoodie in the truck, feeling the chill of the night seep in now that they were out of the stuffy bar. Kaidan gave him an amused look and turned the heat on in the truck. The commander rolled his head to the left, watching the other man drive.

 

“You're staring again...”

 

“I like the view.”

 

“I see. Careful, John, I might get distracted.”

 

“By?”

 

“I wonder...” Kaidan glanced at him, voice huskier than usual, and turned his attention back to the abandoned road before them. He shifted the gear stick as an excuse to brush his hand against Shepard's leg and was rewarded with a chuckle. “Smooth, Alenko.” Kaidan whistled innocently in response.

 

“Why don't you put on what you want to listen to?”

 

“You don't strike me as a person who would really appreciate Dropkick.”

 

“I listen to anything. Trust me on this.”

 

“If you say so.” Shepard activated his omni-tool and pulled up his play list. Kaidan hit a few buttons on the dashboard.

 

“Should be able to sync it with the speakers now.” Shepard gave him a warm look, then hit play. 'Shipping up to Boston' came through loud and clear.

 

“Oh, this brings back memories,” the commander said, “Back when I was younger and stupider.” Kaidan glanced at him and cranked up the volume. Shepard grinned, then started shouting along with the lyrics. The lieutenant shook his head, then joined in himself. They went through a few more songs, then Kaidan lowered the volume as they turned down the long driveway. The white fence shone in the pale moonlight. Shepard felt as light and free as the Normandy in FTL; he never would have pictured shore leave ending up like this.

 

Kaidan parked the truck outside of the garage so they wouldn't make too much noise. Shepard carefully slid out of the passenger's seat and quietly shut the door. Kaidan walked towards him, hands in his pockets.

 

“I don't think we should go in. I'm still pretty far gone, and I don't want your parents seeing or hearing me like this. Doesn't exactly foster confidence that I'm competent,” he whispered loudly. Kaidan gave a small laugh.

 

“What do you propose, then?”

 

“Stay out here?”

 

“And do what?”

 

“...I hadn't gotten that far yet.”

 

Kaidan rolled his lips inwards, thinking. Shepard subconsciously copied the movement, focusing on the other man's face. “I might have an idea,” the lieutenant said, “Follow me.” He headed into the barn, activating the flashlight on his omni-tool.

 

“Where're we headed?” Shepard jogged to catch up and wound up running into the other man's back. Kaidan chuckled and grabbed behind him, catching the commander's hoodie to steady him and inadvertantly wrapping his hands around the slender man's waist. He reluctantly let go when they reached the barn.

 

“Tack room for a blanket.”

 

That piqued Shepard's interest. “Oh?” Kaidan pulled the barn door open just enough for them to slip through.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Shepard wanted him to elaborate, but didn't really know how to ask. He was still buzzed enough to be bold, though. He tugged on Kaidan's sleeve when they passed the hay storage. “What's up?”

 

“C'mere a minute.” He pulled Kaidan into the room, stumbling a bit. It was darker than the breezeway, even with the orange glow from the omni-tool. He put his hands on Kaidan's shoulders, heart hammering in his chest as he looked into the dark pools of the biotic's eyes. Shepard ran a thumb over the lieutenant's bottom lip and started moving in. Kaidan gave a small sigh and squeezed his eyes shut, putting a hand on the commander's chest to stop him.

 

“Shepard...don't...”

 

It was painful; everything was in reach, but he just couldn't. Shepard began to slide his hands off Kaidan's shoulders and took a step away, face folding itself back into the schooled neutral look he always got when he didn't want anybody to read him. Kaidan hooked his fingers on the commander's belt loops, holding him in place.

 

“Let go of me, Lieutenant. Poor judgment on my part. I apologize. I'm not myself yet.” His voice was drained of inflection. He'd get over it; maybe Kaidan had second thoughts about the whole thing.

 

“We resting on rank again? Forgive the insubordination, _Commander_ , but I don't want to.”

 

Shepard was looking everywhere but Kaidan's face. Kaidan put a steadying hand to his cheek, forcing him to look into his eyes, brown meeting blue in the low light.

 

“Don't make this harder than it has to be, John. I want it just as much as you. But number one? This isn't how I want our first 'anything' to be. I want you to be completely _you_ when we do, no hiding behind a bottle. And number two...I wish we weren't serving together. Or that you would be a little more flexible on the 'no frat' regs.”

 

That was met with a quiet 'hmph' as Shepard brushed the tips of their noses together, resting his arms around the slightly shorter man's neck again. “Never thought I would hear you offer to break any rules, LT. What changed?”

 

“Maybe I never had a reason good enough.”

 

“Is that so.” He rubbed his cheek against the biotic's, feeling the beginnings of stubble. Kaidan sighed again, then stepped away, going back into the breezeway.

 

“It is.” He laced his fingers briefly through Shepard's slender ones and led him to the tack room. Shepard was impressed at the large array of saddles and bridles lining the walls; spare stirrups, leathers, and bits hanging on pegs. Kaidan rummaged around in a couple of tack boxes and chests until he found the plaid blanket and comforter he was looking for.

 

Shepard looked at him quizzically, but let himself be pulled along out to the field in the lower pasture. He wondered what would entail blankets that would also still keep regs intact. He was drawing a blank, but that was also probably helped by the lessening amount of booze still coursing through him. Kaidan decided he liked whatever spot they were in, then turned off his omni-tool. Darkness washed over them.

 

The sky was a sheet of navy blue pinned back by diamond studs glimmering in the distance, a few birds chirping lazily. Kaidan spread the comforter out on the ground and sat on it, patting beside him. Shepard flopped bonelessly down on the blanket, resting his swimming head on Kaidan's thigh. He felt a little jump in his stomach as the lieutenant tucked the plaid blanket around him. They both stared up at the predawn sky in silence. The biotic swept his hand over Shepard's buzzed hair, enjoying the soft prickly sensation against his palm.

 

~*~*~*~

 

After a long while, the sky started lightening up in the east, peachy-pink streaks shooting through the twilight, clouds glowing gold. Dew sparkled in the grass and trees. Birds increased their cacophony in the trees, shattering the tranquility while breaking in the day with the sun.

 

Shepard rolled himself up to sitting and wrapped the blanket around him like a cape, holding out one arm in an invitation to share. The fog in his brain from last night's drinking escapade had faded, but it left a roaring headache in its place. Kaidan scooched closer and the commander draped his arm and blanket around him. The sun was a radiant disc in the distance, bathing the fields with a pastel haze. Kaidan turned towards Shepard, eyes glowing honey hued in the light.

 

“How's your head?”

 

“That's usually what I ask you, LT.”

 

“So?”

 

Shepard wiped a hand across his face, rubbing his temples with a groan. “I'll live, though I might be a little rough around the edges. Too bad the birds don't have a volume button, though...How about yourself?” Kaidan shook his head, amused.

 

“I'm tired, but good. I paced myself a little better than you. What's the plan for the day?”

 

“Is sleep still an option?”

 

“You're on shore leave. You can do whatever you want.”

 

The commander snorted, “Within reason, of course.” He stood up, offering a helping hand to the biotic. Kaidan took it after a moment, bumping shoulders with Shepard while he got his feet under him. They shared a small grin as they folded up the blankets and headed back to the barn.

 

“You never realize what you miss until it's taken away from you,” Kaidan said quietly as they walked, “And I miss watching the sun rise. I'm glad we got to do this, John. It means a lot to me.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Mrs Alenko was waiting for them in the kitchen when they sneaked in the door. She did not look amused. “Do you know what time it is?” she groused, “It is 7:30! In the morning!! No call? Or omni-text? I was about to start searching for you in a ditch!” She was banging cupboard doors, pulling out mugs and setting up the tea kettle. Shepard dropped heavily onto one of the breakfast stools, resting his head on his folded arms. Kaidan put his hands up, placating her.

 

“We didn't want to wake you up by being loud, so we stayed out.”

 

“Where?” she demanded, smacking the sugar bowl down on the island next to Shepard's head. He winced and sat up, rubbing his temples. The shriek of the tea kettle made him wonder if his ears were bleeding.

 

“Watching the sunrise. We don't get that view very often,” he muttered darkly. The hard lines in Mrs Alenko's face softened a bit at that. She set out a choice of tea bags for them and leaned against the counter, fixing her son with a hard stare.

 

“Still should have let us know somehow.”

 

Kaidan rolled his eyes. “ _Ma_. We're not teenagers. Anyway, Abigail says she loves you. She's looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.” Mrs Alenko lifted an eyebrow at the subject change, but let it slide. Shepard dunked his tea bag in his mug, forcing himself to sit upright and look alert. Kaidan watched the commander over the top of his drink, watching the CO persona come back into play. It was pretty convincing, he had to admit.

 

“She's been so busy with her clinic, we hardly have time to talk to her anymore. What did you think of her, John?” Mrs Alenko asked.

 

“She's got a refreshingly unique way of looking at life.” Kaidan thought that was diplomatic of his CO, all things considering.

 

“That's putting it mildly. We thought for sure growing up she'd be a bad influence, but look at her. A doctor herself and fairly successful. Albert and I had a bit of a wager going on while they were growing up.”

 

“Oh? What of?”

 

“Yeah, Ma...” Kaidan furrowed his brow while crossing his arms, “This is the first I've ever heard about it.” His mother's cheeks tinged with color.

 

“Well...initially, it was who was going to hit puberty first. Then it was who was going to get in trouble more. Next it was just a matter of time before you started dating. I ultimately lost, since you guys never stayed together. She did manage to drag you into almost as much trouble as she got up to, though. I should have kept a scrap book of it all.”

 

Shepard eyed Kaidan surreptitiously while taking a drink. The lieutenant winked at him and mouthed, “Tell you later.” Mrs Alenko saw the exchange and pursed her lips. “I thought I might have won in the long term when you came back from Gagarin Station, but I don't know what happened there. You seemed so _good_ for each other, then you just...fizzled.”

 

Kaidan narrowed his eyes at his mother. “I needed a friend more than a girlfriend. She understood that.”

 

“I still think there's hope for you two yet. I know she was hoping to spend more time with you, pumpkin. You really should tell us the next time you're bringing company.”

 

“Ma, this really isn't the time to-”

 

His words were cut off by Shepard putting his mug down with a sharp clack on the island while he pushed himself off the stool. Kaidan noticed his jaw was tight as he stood up.

 

“Sorry, my omni-tool buzzed. I gotta take this. Normandy update. And I want to get out of these clothes. I'll be upstairs...” he said tersely as he escaped. Mother and son watched him go.

 

“What's eating him?” she asked, scrutinizing Kaidan's face. He shook his head, keeping his expression neutral as he fished for a reason in his head. “Don't know. Maybe bad news about the ship.”

 

“Does that mean longer shore leave?”

 

“I have no idea, but you'll be the first to know, Ma. I should go change, too, and get the sitrep.” He kissed her cheek and started up the stairs himself.

 

“Ok. I'll be running errands in town for the majority of the day. You boys should get outside. It's supposed to be really warm out,” she called after him. She suspected that it wasn't really the ship that was bothering the commander. She just hoped they knew what they were doing.

 

~*~*~*~

 

“Shepard?” Kaidan found him already in sweats and a tight undershirt, leaning against the headboard with his datapad. The lieutenant sat next to him, careful not to jostle the bed too much. Shepard sighed and dropped the pad, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“I don't know how to do this, K. I knew you guys had a 'thing' way back when, but I-” Kaidan cut him off this time, putting a finger to his own lips and nodding towards the door.

 

“That's a shame about the wiring, Shepard. Luckily it's an easy fix. Right?” Kaidan raised his eyebrows pointedly, tilting his head to the hallway. Mrs Alenko's faint steps could be heard on the staircase.

 

“Uh, yeah. Wiring...” Shepard said slowly, catching the drift, “It shouldn't throw us off, though. I need to send out the schedule of arrival times. Don't let me forget.”

 

“You got it, Commander.” A door closed and Kaidan breathed out in relief. “She'll be gone all day. What would you like to do?” He picked at the bedspread, watching Shepard's face. He noted that the commander had his tongue running over one of his canines again.

 

“Oh, you know, the usual. Everything that would break regs,” he said nonchalantly, “You're an evil distraction.” Kaidan huffed a small laugh. “Right back at ya. Would it be too much of an intrusion if I wanted to use your shower in here instead of the one in the hall?”

 

“Grievously reluctant, human. I would want to join you, and I don't think either of our honors would remain intact.”

 

“Oh, god. An elcor joke?”

 

“Hey, you used one first. Would you prefer a volus? 'Greetings, Earth-clan. I wish to do a 'transaction' with you whilst we bathe together.'”

 

Kaidan wrinkled his nose in distaste. “Way to absolutely kill the mood.” Shepard dragged himself closer to where the lieutenant was perched, putting his face inches away from the other man's.

 

“I'm sober again. And I intend to stay that way around you. Like I said: you're an evil distraction. I'm not trustworthy with lowered inhibitions in your presence. Last night proved that.”

 

“Would it really be so bad, Shepard?”

 

“No. That's what I'm afraid of.” They heard Mrs Alenko's door open and she started down the hall. Shepard leaned back against the headboard again, smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. Just then, Mrs Alenko poked her head around the door.

 

“Be back in the afternoon, boys,” she said, glancing between them, “Try to get some rest, and don't forget to pack for tomorrow. It will be a busy evening.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Kaidan wound up taking a shower in the hall bathroom, much to both of their disappointment and better judgement. By the time he was out and in his own comfortable sweats, Shepard had moved downstairs. Kaidan briefly wondered if he should leave his shirt off, then figured that might be a bit awkward if his mother came home randomly. With a gusty sigh, he tossed on a shirt and headed into the kitchen. It probably would have been too soon for various states of undress around each other, anyway.

 

Shepard was standing in front of the big bay window in the dining room, arms crossed and holding another cup of tea, watching the horses mill around the paddock next to the barn. He turned and gave Kaidan a tired smile when he heard him moving around. Kaidan returned it, a warm sensation spreading through him. He could get used to that view.

 

“Want some grub? I'm starving.”

 

“Sure, Lieutenant. What's on the menu?”

 

“I can attempt eggs and toast, or there's cereal.”

 

“Whatever's easier for you; I'm not picky.”

 

“Cereal it is.”

 

They ate in silence at the island, knees bumping into each other. Shepard sighed. “Normandy should be finished by tomorrow night. I'm going to give an extra three days for everyone to get back to base. We're departing early in the morning, hopefully to avoid fanfare. Maybe I can have Joker put her in stealth as we're aweigh, not that it does much good for visuals.”

 

“You think there's going to be a big crowd?”

 

“Not from civilians, I don't think. When I was filling out the repair forms at the main office, the admin seemed particularly interested. I heard the Vancouver branch of the Alliance Council is curious to get a closer look while she's docked, as well. If they're going to do an official inspection, I'll need all my commissioned officers on board to make a good show.”

 

Shepard put his bowl in the dishwasher and gestured for Kaidan to hand him his; Kaidan was a little shocked. The commander had a domestic streak, it seemed. Their fingers brushed as the bowl passed over the island between them, garnering a tiny smile from each of them.

 

“When are we heading back, Shep?”

 

“ _I'll_ be heading back the day after tomorrow to make sure everything is in order. _You'll_ have an extra day alone with your family. I need my officers back a day before non-com crew, so we should have a quiet day aboard relatively to ourselves.” Shepard stretched his arms over his head, cracking his back. Kaidan appreciated the view the lifted shirt gave him, eyeing the slight trail of hair that disappeared into the commander's loosely tied pants. Shepard caught him looking and sized him up, amused.

 

“Why, LT...I believe you're staring.”

 

“Art appreciation, Shepard. Don't flatter yourself.”

 

Shepard flattened his palms on the island counter top, leaning into them to make him eye level with Kaidan. The lieutenant felt his pulse quicken as their faces were brought so close together. He lifted his chin, decreasing the already minuscule space between them, pulse rushing in anticipation.

 

“Evil... _distraction_ ,” Shepard murmured with a heavy-lidded gaze, lips practically brushing the biotic's as he spoke, breath warm as it whispered along Kaidan's skin. He let the words linger for a heated moment between them, then shoved himself away from the counter, turning his back on the other man. Kaidan exhaled loudly, exasperated.

 

“I think I just got snubbed.”

 

“No, you got a taste of your own medicine,” the commander said as he made his way into the living room. Kaidan rolled his eyes as he got up, following him.

 

“Whatever you say, John. That was absolutely diabolical.”

 

Shepard was sitting on one of the couches, arm slung over the back while reading his datapad. Kaidan stood watching him, uncertain of what to do next. The air was thick with unsaid words and intentions. The commander didn't look up.

 

“Gonna continue 'appreciating art' over there or you gonna join me?”

 

Kaidan scoffed and dropped heavily on the sofa next to him. He still was unsure how much space between them was appropriate. He mentally cursed the 'no fraternization' regulations. Shepard kept his arm on the sofa back.

 

“Reading 'Harry Potter' again?” He leaned his head back against Shepard's arm and saw the hint of a smile pulling at the corner of the commander's mouth.

 

“Mmhm. I might not get another chance to for a while. I'm rereading my favorite parts.” He moved his arm so his slender fingers lightly grazed Kaidan's neck, gently moving up through his hair. He avoided the amp port, though. Kaidan's gut twisted in conflicting feelings over it; he wanted Shepard to touch it again, but was relieved he was abstaining from doing so. He was a little afraid of the physical response. He tried to ignore the internal dispute and focused on more mundane things, forcing himself to relax into the gentle touch.

 

“Like what part?”

 

“The part where Snape's memories are put in the Pensieve. The mask finally comes off and you see his true motivation all along. It's tragic, really.”

 

“Didn't you accuse _me_ of being a romantic?”

 

“Sure did. Never said I wasn't one myself, though. It's poignant. The saddest and truest love story is written in less than a page...here, listen to this: _'From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe: She landed on the office floor, bounded once across the office, and soared out of the window. Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears._

 

“ _After all this time?”_

 

“ _Always,” said Snape.'_ ”

 

Kaidan's eyes had drifted shut, letting the words flow over him. “The man knows how to carry a torch, that's for certain,” he mumbled sleepily, “Read some more, please?”

 

Shepard smiled, fingers still moving in circles through the lieutenant's hair.

 

“With pleasure. _'And the scene shifted...'_ ” Kaidan felt his limbs grow heavy as Shepard's calming voice flowed over him. Within minutes, he slipped quietly into sleep.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Mrs Alenko came back early afternoon to a quiet house. She had seen Cinder and Commodore out in the pasture but was surprised to still see their boots by the door. She dropped her coat in the kitchen and was about to go upstairs to look for them when she caught sight of them in the living room.

 

She shook her head at the image; Shepard was asleep with his head tilted back and mouth slightly open, arm draped over the back of the couch, datapad haphazardly in his lap while her son was sitting inches away from the commander, dozing with his chin touching his chest and arms crossed. Creeping quietly into the room, she pulled the drapes closed. Kaidan shifted and she froze, watching him. He curled up, turning towards Shepard, the other man's hand gently coming to rest on his head from its perch on the sofa back. She had the perverse urge to startle them awake, but ultimately decided to let them be.

 

Kaidan sighed softly, relaxing a bit under Shepard's touch. Mrs Alenko pursed her lips and started to back out of the room slowly so she wouldn't disturb them. Definitely an odd relationship they had. She wanted to talk to Albert about it, but she didn't really know what she would say to him. Maybe the fact that grandkids seemed a little far-fetched with the current situation and she was a little saddened by that fact.

 

She mused that Albert would simply shake his head and say, 'If we have a grandchild on the way while he's in space, we have bigger problems to worry about, don't you think?' Albert didn't seem to mind the situation nearly so much. Lost in her thoughts, Mrs Alenko stumbled and caught herself on the step. Kaidan's eyes snapped open with a sharp intake of breath, assessing the situation. His dark eyes locked with hers, then he looked almost frightened as he registered Shepard's hand on his head. He sleepily ducked out from under it, elbowing the commander awake.

 

“..the _fuck_ , LT...?” came a tired growl as Shepard picked up his lolling head, “I'll toss your ass out the airlock if you do that again.” Mrs Alenko raised her eyebrows at the gruff voice. Maybe she was reading into it too much...? Or maybe what she thought she saw was simply one-sided.

 

“Sorry, Commander. We were caught sleeping at our post.”

 

“ _Ah_. Hello, Mrs A. What time is it?” Shepard yawned as he started pulling himself together, blearily rubbing his eyes. She tutted at them.

 

“Time to get out of pajamas. Welcome back to the land of the living. Have you been there all day?”

 

“Afraid so, Ma. We must've drifted off.” She noted the lack of explanation and gave her son a hard stare.

 

“What were you doing?”

 

Kaidan looked annoyed as he peeled himself off the couch. “Going over repair reports and requisition expense sheets. Wouldn't you fall asleep, too?” He twisted from side to side, trying to loosen the kink in his back from sleeping in an odd position. Shepard grabbed Kaidan's arm without asking and hauled himself out of the deep cushions. Kaidan braced himself and didn't act like it was a surprise the commander would do that.

 

“Hmm,” she said, pursing her lips, “I suppose I would. I don't have the patience for that much dry reading.” She looked between them, sizing them up. They shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny. “You should probably think about real clothes soon; your father will be home in an hour or so, then dinner will be ready.”

 

“Right. I might just fall asleep in an actual bed while I'm up there.”

 

“Yeah...right behind you, K.”

 

They shuffled into the kitchen and back up the stairs. She watched them leave, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. _Definitely_ an odd relationship.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They apparently are intent on torturing each other. Up next, Mr Evil Distraction turns 33. 
> 
>  
> 
> *blinks* Blame Kaidan and his integrity. Don't eat me.


	14. Venez Souvent Ici?[1]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> French: the language of 'like you a whole lot'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy goodness mixes with family awkwardness. What could be better?

_**Wish You Were Here** _ , by potionsmaster

 

Rating: T for language

 

**Chapter 13** :  _ Venez Souvent Ici?[1] _

 

Abigail had all the windows down in her SUV as they drove into the city the next afternoon, curls flying in the warm afternoon breeze. She bopped around to the hip-hop/club tracks she had playing, singing loudly. She had managed to convince the lieutenant to sing along with some of them, though he was a little shy about it. Shepard was glad they didn't have a long drive. Kaidan kept catching his eye and smiling at him, though. That made it worth it, Shepard decided, and Kaidan did have a nice voice. He could see why Abby encouraged him to sing as much as she did. They pulled up to the restaurant, elaborate glass front gleaming in the afternoon light. “Quite the place,” Shepard whistled, “Thanks for lending me that button down.”

 

Kaidan looked him up and down appreciatively. “No problem. The blue suits you.”

 

“Oh, _barf_ ,” Abby interrupted, “Save it for the bedroom, boys.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder while they piled out of the vehicle. Kaidan tugged his pullover straight as Mrs Alenko greeted them in front of the polished glass doors. “Abigail! Wonderful to see you, sweetheart! So glad you could make it,” she said, kissing her on the cheek.

 

“Wouldn't miss it for the world, Momma,” she grinned, returning the affection. Shepard and Kaidan were next in the cheek-kissing.

 

“Your cousin Elise is here, and she brought Vivienne...Vivi was just a newborn the last time you saw her, do you remember? Uncle Arnie and his bunch are here, too. Luckily they were able to take a break from their farm. Plus, more of the Quebec crowd came. It's been a while since we all got together...” Mrs Alenko was babbling away as she led them to the back room.

 

Shepard nudged the lieutenant; Kaidan had a funny look on his face. “What's the matter?” he asked.

 

“Do you, uh...have your translator on?”

 

“Not unless my omni-tool has one I didn't know about. I don't have one implanted; mine's embedded in my uniform collar and another in my hard suit. Why?”

 

“Damn. Same here, Shep. Not like it'd do much good; they're defaulted to 'galactic' languages, not Earth.”

 

“What aren't you telling me?”

 

Kaidan waited for Abigail and his mother to go through the doors, then sidled next to Shepard, dark eyes glinting as he put a hand on the commander's shoulder. Shepard got a flutter in his chest as the distance closed between them. “ _Parlez-vous français? Je devine que vous ne avez pas.[2]_ ” Goosebumps ran up his arms as the husky voice whispered lowly in his ear.

 

“I have no idea what you just said, but that was...kinda hot.”

 

Kaidan stepped back and shook his head, amused. “Like that, did you? This'll be entertaining, no doubt. The bunch from Quebec speaks almost exclusively French. I used to know enough to get along, but it's amazing what you lose when you don't use it for 17 years. If they start talking to you, just say, _Je n'ais parle pas français. Parlez-vous anglais?[3]_ That should clue 'em in.”

 

Shepard couldn't believe it. “Still learning all sorts of things about you, LT.” Kaidan quirked a half-grin at him.

 

“Ready for this?” He pushed open the heavy door and they saw a large room with a long table crammed with all sorts of salads, cheeses, shellfish, meats, and breads. The entire back wall was paneled windows overlooking a private deck on English Bay. There was a small sound system and temporary dance floor in one corner of the large room. Abigail was helping Dr Alenko stock pile the beer they had bought earlier that week into coolers full of ice. Mrs Alenko saw them and waved them over. She was talking to a slender woman with sandy hair, shapely eyebrows, and the Alenko nose. She was almost as tall as Shepard and Kaidan.

 

“Elise! You're looking well. How's it been?” Kaidan kissed her on each cheek. She smiled, then said in heavily accented English, “We are doing well! You will have to forgive me if I speak slow; I have to remember the right words. _Pouvez-vous rappeler à...[4]_ ”

 

Kaidan shook his head and started hesitantly. “ _ Non, pas beaucoup plus. Seulement un peu, je ai peur[5] _ . Besides, my CO speaks English only. He'll think we're talking about him.”

 

“You mean you're not already?” Shepard extended his hand to Elise and gave her a polite smile, “Pleased to meet you. Call me John.”

 

“ _ Enchanté[6] _ . Elise. I am Kaidan's cousin, and this-” she hoisted a little girl onto her hip, “This is Vivienne. Vivi for small. Short. I am not sure. Kaidan?” Both men chuckled at that.

 

“Short. We knew what you meant,” Kaidan specified. Mrs Alenko suddenly attached herself to Shepard's arm. 

 

“Pardon me, I'm stealing him. Lots of family to show him off to.” She wrapped her arm around his, pulling him towards a large group. He gave widened eyes to Kaidan and his cousin, letting himself be dragged away.

 

“I want to go, too!” Vivi said. Elise let her down and the little girl disappeared after Shepard. “The sad thing is, she speaks better English than I do. But that will only help her later in life,” Elise said wistfully. Kaidan was thrilled to see his cousin; they had spent many summers together when they were younger. He viewed her like the sister he never had; he used to be able to tell her anything. Once they became teenagers, they weren't able to stay in touch as much and Kaidan had felt the loss. He regretted not being able to see her before he got hauled in to Brain Camp; things had changed between them when he returned.

 

Elise seemed intent on catching up and trying to regain the closeness they once had. She was briefing him on the milestones Vivi had been making, funny stories about seeing his parents, and how they were coping with her husband being deployed. Kaidan was only half-listening; he was keeping an eye out for Shepard and his mother. They were making their way around the room, Shepard getting salutes and pats on the shoulder, Vivi a blonde shadow tugging on the commander's pant leg. Kaidan wondered how long it would take before someone recognized exactly who Shepard was.

 

Turns out it was a little under an hour. Uncle Arnie had made it personal mission to quiz Shepard on his military background, and subsequently discovered Shepard was proficiency ranked N7. Uncle Arnie had put two and two together, then bellowed across the room at Kaidan for keeping it secret that he was serving under the first human Spectre. From there it went pear-shaped; someone had scoured the extranet and was projecting the induction ceremony on one of the blank walls, much to everyone's amusement. Kaidan felt his ears burn in a mixture of humiliation and pride as he caught sight of himself standing at parade rest behind Shepard in the vid.

 

Abigail slid next to him and leaned her head on his shoulder. “You look sexy in armor. Anybody ever tell you that?” she teased him. He felt the heat from his ears travel down his neck. “And Commander Friendly... _unf_! He has a very _big_ , what is it? 'Weapon load out'? I think I heard you call it that, once upon a time.” Kaidan shot her a furious look. “Just calling it like I see it. And hey! Looks like you had the best seat in the house to appraise his 'war assets'.” He was debating the various ways he would be able to silence her that were actually available in the room; choices were limited.

 

“Why does he have a red stripe on his arm and you don't?” Kaidan rolled his eyes, but was happy for the topic change.

 

“That plus the emblem on his chest plate and helmet shows the N7 designation. Alliance doesn't allow any other one to show for decoration. I have no idea why. Maybe it's an intimidation factor.” Abigail watched Shepard deftly navigate his way through questions and people alike, Vivi trailing behind him. “He's certainly different when he's 'on duty',” she remarked. 

 

“Yeah. He's very careful to keep up the image. The majority of the crew don't even get to see him relax. Feel special that you did.”

 

“Think he'll cut loose again tonight when we get to the club?” She never got an answer. 

 

“Abigail, it is good to see you again. You are looking well,” Elise had managed to sneak up on his other side. Abby nodded at her, then excused herself; she found Elise stuffy. Kaidan glanced around for Shepard and saw him talking to Dr Alenko, beer in hand. That was an acceptable safety net. He turned back to Elise.

 

“I can't believe how big Vivienne has grown. I feel like I blinked, and she's already a little person.”

 

“It has been about five years since you saw her. She does not remember ever meeting you, but she loves hearing stories about her 'spaceship-cousin'. She was so excited to hear that _Commandant[7]_ Shepard was going to be here, too...she also loves hearing stories about _him_ ever since they did a brief section on him at her school after he was made a Spectre. Watch, she might try to follow you to the stars.”

 

Kaidan shook his head and smiled at that. “He's a good role model, that's for certain,” he said softly.

 

“ _Tante[7.1]_ Mina keeps us up on your adventures as much as she is able to. We have been worried; the last we knew you had been assigned to the Normandy and had been sent to a human colony that had been attacked by geth. Geth! Can you beli - oh. I guess you can,” she said uneasily, “You were actually there.” 

 

He nodded, observing Vivienne dogging Shepard's movements. She had grabbed his pant leg again and he clearly didn't know what to do about it. Abigail had decided to attach herself to Shepard's arm, as well. Kaidan could see Shepard's back stiffening with all the unwanted attention.

 

“Yeah. It was, uh, it was pretty intense...I should go rescue Shepard; I see Uncle Arnie trying to talk to him again.” Elise giggled, “ _Oncle[7.2]_ Arnie does not give up easily, does he.” Kaidan squeezed her arm, then moved towards the other group. 

 

“Excuse me for interrupting, but I need to speak with my CO; one of my marines has a question and I need clarification myself,” he said apologetically. “Commander. Shall we?” He lifted an eyebrow and nodded towards the deck. 

 

“Uh, yeah. Lead the way, Lieutenant. Pardon me, but duty calls.” Shepard nodded at Arnie and Dr Alenko while extracting his arm from Abby, then followed Kaidan. Abby smirked at them. He breathed a sigh of relief as soon as they stepped outside onto the deck. “Vivi, you stay here!” they heard before the door shut them into their own little haven, a warm breeze coming in off the bay. 

 

“Well... that was fuckin' brutal. And you are scarily competent at coming up with official sounding bullshit.” 

 

Kaidan laughed. “Comes with being a career man,” he murmured, leaning on the railing over the water, “I thought you might want a break. But hey! At least you got the awkward meet-the-family thing out of the way early.”

 

Shepard leaned on the rail next to him, wishing they didn't have to have that much space between them.

 

“Did they have to show the video? I hate the way my voice sounds on audio.”

 

“Yep. Don't worry, they're looping it to make it extra embarrassing for us. Happy Birthday indeed. Welcome to the family, Spectre-Commander Shepard.”

 

“Huh. I'll have to mark March 21st as the day I was accepted into the Alenko clan as a native. Not to mention the more important event of it being your birthday. 33 years old, but still as good as ever,” he wryly shook his head, “...switching topics completely, what else do you know how to say in French? I want to explore this.” 

 

“Uh...I dunno. It's hard to think of anything if I don't have a conversation going.”

 

“Just say anything. First thing that pops into your head.”

 

“ Okay... _ Le fromage c'est beau au jour-d'hui, n'est pas?[8] _ ”

 

Shepard looked him up and down out the side of his eye, appreciative look on his face. “Still have no clue what it is you said, but damn...you make it sound good.”

 

Kaidan chuckled. “I said cheese was pretty today. Because I don't know.”

 

Shepard laughed himself. “Sounded pretty, that's for sure.”

 

Kaidan leaned slightly closer to Shepard. “Try this one,” he said softly, “ _ Je rêve de toi ce soir, Commandant.[9] _ ”  The lieutenant's husky voice sent a thrill gliding down his spine.

 

“And what does that one mean?” he asked warmly. Kaidan glanced at him, soft look on his face. 

 

“It means-”

 

“Shepard, are you Kaidan's girlfriend?” a little voice popped up behind them. They both whipped around, taken aback, to find Vivi standing there.

 

“Do I look like a girl?”

 

“No.”

  
“Then I'm not his girlfriend.”

 

“Are you his boyfriend, then?” He glanced at Kaidan and received an almost imperceptible shake of the head in return.

 

“Only that I am a boy and his friend.” Kaidan scrubbed a hand down his face. “Too complicated a thought for a five year old, Shep,” he groaned, “No, he is not my boyfriend, he is my boss.” Elise came out on the deck at that point. “There you are!” she exclaimed, “What were you doing, naughty girl?”

 

“I wanted Shepard to dance with me, but I think he wants to dance with Kaidan instead. They're boyfriends and bosses.” Elise raised her eyebrows at that, looking between the three of them. Shepard rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. Kaidan's cheeks were lightly flushed.

 

“My little sparrow, I think the commander would love to dance with you. He will take you inside.” She gave Shepard a pointed look and he took Vivi by the hand, leading her back inside. Kaidan exhaled noisily, avoiding her eyes. “I think you need some wine, cousin, and so do I,” she said gently. They made their way back in and poured a glass for themselves.

 

“So. What was that about?” she continued.

 

“Kids say the darnedest things.”

 

“ Not without reason, usually. Did she overhear something? Be very careful, because she repeats everything. French  _ and _ English.”

 

Kaidan shook his head and led them to an empty table to sit. “I don't know what she might have heard. I don't think we were acting any different than we would in other public places.”

 

“How do you act in private?” Kaidan glared at her, “Sorry, just a question. Is she right? Is there something between you two?”

 

“Not officially. There's definitely mutual attraction,” he said, then explained the situation; it surprised him slightly how readily he was willing to do so, but Elise had been there almost as much as Abigail and he valued her opinion. She tended to be a little more pragmatic and objective than his best friend. He tried to keep it mostly French, but had to use English when he couldn't remember. He never needed to know the words for wanting to date a superior officer and why they couldn't until now. Elise listened carefully, sipping her wine as she absorbed the information. When he finished, she gave him an uncertain look.

 

“Kaidan, that...that is terrible. A terrible position to be in, for both of you. Have you told anyone else?”

 

“No. And I don't plan to. Abby figured it out on her own, though.” They sat in silence for a moment.

 

“What would happen if your relationship did go public? He is a Spectre. I thought that meant he was a Council toady. Alliance regulations would not matter.”

 

“Not quite. He's still a ranked Alliance officer with an Alliance ship and mostly Alliance crew, but Council orders take precedence.”

 

“I still do not see-”

 

“ _Gardez le secret! Nos carrières pourraient être ruinés...[10]_ ” he interrupted, pleading with her, “This has to stay between us.”

 

“Oh, Kaidan...” she looked at him sympathetically, “ _Le coeur a ses raisons, que la raison ne connait point_. _[11]_ ”

 

“ _C'est vrai_. _[12]_ ”

 

Kaidan and Elise clinked their wine glasses together and took a sip, gazing out over the rest of the party and seeing Shepard dancing with Vivienne; she was stepping on his feet and hanging onto his arms, letting him slide them around their little corner of the dance floor. Somehow, after all this time, he still felt better after talking to his cousin.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Shepard managed to convince Vivi to sit still and eat her meal like a good soldier would eat rations, much to Elise's amusement. The little girl was in love. Abigail kept making jokes about how the commander was going to be a good father one day, much to Shepard's embarrassment. It hadn't escaped Mrs Alenko's attention from another table, either. She waited until their table companions left, then turned to Dr Alenko.

 

“I swear, something seems 'off' about their relationship.”

 

“Leave them be; they've clearly became close friends.”

 

“To the point where they're sleeping on top of each other? I found them yesterday on the couch. I haven't seen him act this way with other men before.”

 

Dr Alenko took a sip of his pilsner. “I've seen troops sleep on each other before. You catch zzz's wherever you can when on the ground. Weren't they out all night?”

 

“Yeah...watching the sunrise. That sounds like a date.” She sounded a little bitter. 

 

“I used to miss it when I was ship-side, too, Mina. I don't blame them for wanting to see it again.”

 

“Seriously! Do you think it's the same situation as Matt?”

 

“I really doubt it. Do you think Shepard is like that? I don't see it. Even if they _were_ in a relationship, I think they both have a healthy respect for the other. _And_ I think if either of them was on the receiving end of it from someone else, the aggressor would get their rear ends handed to them by both.” Dr Alenko made a mental note to pull his son aside as he watched him lean close to Shepard and say something in his ear. The commander gave him a warm smile in return, both of them with a rosy look on their faces. Abigail was looking bored on Kaidan's other side, giving them a sidelong glance every once in a while. 

 

Mrs Alenko knocked the rest of her wine back with a graceful flick of her wrist, also looking at them. “I'm not sure what I think,” she continued, “John doesn't show up on my 'radar', but every once in a while he says or does something that makes me think he's jealous if someone else has Kaidan's attention. Like Abby.”

 

“He more than likely didn't get much individual attention while he was growing up; he probably doesn't even realize he's doing it. Besides, we've discussed this: Kaidan can make his own choices.”

 

“I know, but I want him to make _good_ choices.”

 

“Such as?” 

 

“Finding a nice girl to settle down with. I'm not giving up the dream of having grandbabies.”

 

“What if he winds up with a nice man? Would that be so terrible? I know he doesn't care either way, as long as they make him happy. And I'm inclined to let him decide who, and what, does.”

 

She heaved an impatient sigh. “You know I don't care about that so much...dating is one thing. Marriage another. But I think you also know it's physically impossible to have children with the same gender. _Doctor_.”

 

“Adoption, honey. I have a feeling there will be many orphaned children in the coming years, depending on how this conflict with the geth turns out. Now, enough. It's his birthday. I want to have happy memories today, not an argument on his companionship preference.” He put his pilsner down, finality in the 'thump' as it hit the table. 

 

His wife pinched her lips together, watching their son get up from the table and lift Vivienne over his head. The little girl squealed in delight, kicking her legs. Shepard was still seated, Abigail draped over his shoulders, curly hair cascading over the two of them. He looked distinctly uncomfortable as she spoke in his ear. The rest of the guests were moving around the room and talking in small groups, or dancing a little in the corner next to the sound system.

 

“One last point, Mina,” Dr Alenko said as he got up, putting a hand on her shoulder, “Maybe he would be inclined to be in contact more if this wasn't the only topic of conversation you brought up with him.” He kissed the top of her head gently and went over to the sound system.

 

~*~*~*~

 

After a slightly embarrassing speech from the doctor thanking everyone for coming to celebrate with them, and wishing both Kaidan and Shepard many happy returns, the cake was brought out. Choruses of “Happy Birthday!” and “ _Joyeux Anniversaire[13]_!” rang out as Shepard held Vivienne up to blow out the candles. Kaidan caught his eye and winked at him. Shepard had a feeling they shared the same birthday wish. He slipped outside onto the deck with a beer in hand as soon as he could, seeing the flames of the sunset reflecting in the water. The muffled music thumped in the background as more of the alcohol was consumed and the lights dimmed to keep up with the increasing dusk. He heard the door open and soft footsteps approach. The commander grinned into the sun, and said, “Can't keep away, can you, LT?”

 

“I don't blame him; your N7 suit just won't quit. I might have to change your name from Commander Friendly to Commander Sex-o-pants.”

 

“Abigail?” He twisted around, watching her approach.

 

“Who else, dippy?” She linked her arm with his and joined him on the rail. He huffed a sigh but didn't try to move. “I wanted to do a sanity check. And by that, I mean remind you that I will castrate you with no pain meds if you hurt him.” She sounded blasé.

 

“You're losing your touch, Abby. I'm not sure I believe you.”

 

“Stuff it. I don't know what you did or said the other night, but it made him happy. That makes you ok, I guess.”

 

“Good to know,” he snorted, “We came to an understanding. Much as it would be nice, it has to remain strictly professional.” Abby sighed, green eyes blazing in the sunset.

 

“ _Lame_.  I still don't see why you guys can't find a hidey-hole and make a love nest. Kaidan says it happened pretty frequently on other postings he's been on.”

 

“Depends on the ship, the crew, and the mission. We have a pretty small frigate, about 30 crew altogether. It technically is against regulations. Ever hear the phrase, 'If it happens ship-side, it's known ship-wide'?”

 

“No.”

 

“How about, 'Loose lips sink ships'? That ring any bells?”

 

“That's about sailors on shore giving away plans and positions.”

 

“Yeah, but if you broaden the context, it can also mean any gossip can hurt the ship or the crew, not just location. So if we _did_ happen to act on anything, it would be pretty difficult to keep it quiet. Small ships are like small towns; everybody knows everyone else's business. If it got out that I had relations with any of my crew, it would not be good. I would be stripped of command for abusing power and we'd both be court martialled. And then we couldn't save the galaxy anymore.”

 

She blew out a long breath, leaning into him. Shepard refused to move, figuring it was some sort of dominance display. “That's some heavy shit. But you both deserve some sort of happiness. Surely the rest of the crew can understand that?”

 

Shepard patted her hand on the rail. “I appreciate the thought, but it's bigger than that...” he said quietly.

 

“How so?”

 

“It's not about what I want personally. It never has been and never can be.”

 

“You're Commander fucking _Shepard_. You thumb your nose at authority and do what you want! _And_ you're a damn Spectre! Doesn't that count for something??”

 

“Not in this instance. Tales of my rebellious nature are greatly exaggerated, I'm afraid. Please try to understand, Abby. It doesn't hurt just me if we're caught. It hurts Kaidan, too. I would never do anything to jeopardize him or his career.”

 

“How noble,” she sneered, “But ideals don't keep you warm at night.” 

 

“Maybe not, but at least I'll know I can keep him safe, the best way I know how.”

 

“I still think you both are being stupid. You need to get laid. Then maybe you'd loosen up a bit on the regs.”

 

“Abigail...” He pinched the bridge of his nose.

 

“You're on shore leave!! Just one night, right? Work off some stress? Here's one for you: 'What happens on shore leave stays on shore leave.' I _know_ you've heard that one before.”

 

“Try to see it from this perspective, then, if 'completely against the rules and we could lose our jobs' isn't a good enough reason...” He dropped his hand from his face. “Say we did spend the night together. Now we have to get back on a tin can with 28 other stressed out people itching for gossip and hardly any personal space, and act like nothing ever happened. That it didn't matter to me and that he didn't mean anything. I can't do that; I'm not that good an actor. Nor _would_ I want to act that way. It's cruel. It wouldn't be fair to either of us.”

 

Abigail scoffed, mulling it over. Shepard sighed as another thought came about.

 

“Not to mention the 'look, don't touch' factor...having to go from being able to touch each other whenever we wanted to keeping a foot minimum distance between us at all times so we don't raise suspicion...I don't think I would handle it very well. Better to just not do anything in the first place.” 

 

She shook her head, curls bouncing. “Biggest boy scout I ever met. Was the night before last your first time drunk, too?” He nudged her with his elbow.

 

“Not hardly. But I am a little rusty on it.”

 

“You can practice again tonight at the club.”

 

“We'll see. Which one are we going to?”

 

“ _Le Chat Gris[14]_.” She dropped his arm and turned, gesturing for him to come inside. “It's getting cooler, Commander. We should start saying good bye and then head to the apartment to drop the bags off. I want to change into something a little more club-appropriate, too.”

 

“If it's all the same, I want to finish watching the sunset.”

 

“Suit yourself,” she tossed over her shoulder as she opened the door. 

 

~*~*~*~

 

Kaidan watched Shepard and Abby through the window, wondering if he should interrupt or not. He was a little leery of Abigail pinning Shepard down and them both getting pissed, but it seemed ok for the moment. He could tell by the tell-tale stiffness in the commander's back that it was only a matter of time. He collected a beer from one of the coolers, then decided to bring Shepard another, too.

 

Dr Alenko put a hand on his son's shoulder while Kaidan rooted around for the bottle opener.

 

“Hey, Pop! Thanks for doing this; it's really great to see everyone again.”

 

“Glad to hear it. Hey, uh, listen. Your mother...she's been, um, questioning a few things.”

 

“Oh? Such as?” Kaidan popped the bottle caps off.

 

“Not a whole lot. I've been telling her she's nuts. But you might want to be less obvious here.”

 

“Pop?” 

 

“You are standing incredibly close to Shepard every chance you get. And you're deliberately seeking him out. She's uncomfortable about it and hasn't figured out why just yet. I'm not about to tell her, either.” Kaidan went still at that, not trusting himself to speak for a few moments. 'Damn,' he thought. He exhaled noisily, then straightened his shoulders and looked his father in the eye.

 

“....look, John and I-”

 

“ _John_?” Dr Alenko quirked an amused eyebrow. Kaidan blushed lightly.

 

“ _Shepard_ , I mean. We just...We're not...”

 

“Kaidan, you must think I'm a blind fool. I can see the writing on the wall, and your mother is picking up on it. Please be careful. I'd hate to see you, _both_ of you, in trouble.”

 

“That makes two of us, Pop. We're aware of the regs, and we'll abide by them.”

 

“Ok. We'll talk more later; this is neither the time or place.” Kaidan gave his father a one-armed hug.

 

“You're the best.”

 

“I try.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

“Shepard. What've you been up to?” Kaidan made his way outside on the deck in time for the last bright moments of the sunset. Shepard gratefully took the beer extended to him. 

 

“Talking to Abigail. This time she threatened to take my manhood, but her heart wasn't in it. Then she proceeded to tell me I needed to get laid.” Kaidan laughed as he stood next to him.

 

“She's been hounding me all night, too. We'll be heading out soon, I imagine.” The sky was a deepening purple now, the sun a ball of orange fire sinking in the water. The biotic's eyes caught the eerie light and looked golden again. Shepard liked it when they did that.

 

“So what did you say to me? Before Vivi interrupted...”

 

Kaidan gave him a secretive smile behind a sip. “I might let you figure it out on your own,” he teased, “But I can definitely tell you it deals with sleeping and you.” Shepard raised an eyebrow, intrigued.

 

“Interesting. Is there anyway I can work it out of you?”

 

Abigail poked her head out of the door just then, whistling at them like she was calling a dog.

 

“Come say good-bye! Your ride is leaving, unless you want to stay here and 'mingle'.”

 

“We're good. Be right there,” Kaidan promised. Looming shadows played across the deck as the sky deepened into midnight hues, warm lights spilling through the windows. Shepard looked at the other man, small smile playing his lips. The lieutenant caught his eye and tipped his head back, downing the whole bottle of beer with no breaks. Shepard was amused and tried to quell a by-now familiar flit of nerves in his stomach. That was a neat party trick Kaidan could do. It also left the door open for some other ideas, too.

 

The biotic seemed to know what ideas his little antic had caused; his dark eyes were glinting with heat as he watched Shepard. The other man swallowed hard.

 

“Ready to go, Shep?” he asked, voice husky again.

 

“Evil, _evil_ distraction, LT...”

 

Kaidan laughed heartily as they went back inside. This definitely was one of the better birthdays he'd had.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All French mistakes are mine and mine alone. The quote 'The heart knows its reasons, whereof reason knows nothing' is Blaise Pascal. Glossary as follows:
> 
> [1] Come here often?  
> [2] Do you speak French? I'm guessing you don't.  
> [3] I don't speak French. Do you speak English?  
> [4] Can you remember how to...  
> [5] No, not very much. Only a little, I'm afraid.  
> [6] Enchanted  
> [7] Commander  
> [7.1 & 7.2] Aunt and Uncle  
> [8] The cheese is beautiful today, isn't it?  
> [9] (nee-ner, nee-ner! I agree with Kaidan; we'll let you all figure it out ;P)  
> [10] Keep it secret! Our careers could be ruined  
> [11] The heart knows its reasons, whereof reason knows nothing  
> [12] Indeed, or literally 'it's true'  
> [13] Happy Birthday  
> [14] The Grey Cat


	15. All Turians Are Gray in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one in which Kaidan gets thoroughly soused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Party on, Alenko. Party on, Shep. Again, I don't own the song mentioned. “Glad You Came” by the Wanted. I think it goes without saying that I don't own anything from Mass Effect. Kinda late for the disclaimer, but oh well, lol.

_**Wish You Were Here** _ , by potionsmaster

 

Rating: M for language, adult situations (derogatory remarks/slurs/cussing). Heavy drinking again. C'mon, it's shore leave....

 

 **Chapter 14** : _All Turians Are Gray in the Dark_

 

Shepard and Kaidan were out on the balcony of the high rise, enjoying the fresh night air before heading out. The city lights twinkled below them off of the water of English Bay. A light breeze was playing with Shepard's sleeves; he was amused that Kaidan's hair was slicked back in its meticulous style and was largely untouched by the wind. He suspected even a grenade wouldn't budge it. Not that he ever wanted to find that out in truth; explosions going off near his squad (and Kaidan in particular) were something to be avoided at all costs.

 

Abby called them back into the great room at that point. She had changed into a rich purple top that was backless again to show off her tattoos, paired with a short black skirt and shockingly high strappy heels. She had smudged black and purple around her eyes to make the green stand out. Kaidan had changed his pullover for a simple black t-shirt that showed off the benefits of physical training from being a marine, black slacks and a black belt with a sleek silver clasp. Shepard switched the blue button down shirt for his N7 hoodie again, opting for the darkest pair of jeans he had. Abby gathered them all in front of the floor length mirror in Kaidan's bedroom, positioning them on either side of her. She had an absolutely predatory look as she grasped one of each their hands in her own small ones. Shepard caught Kaidan's eye over Abigail's head. The lieutenant winked back at him, an amused smile twisting his lips.

 

“Let's go raise some hell, boys.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

 _Le Chat Gris_ was a study in modern glam: all smooth surfaces, clean lines and huge chandeliers that would have been tacky in any other lighting. The dance floor was on the first level, bathed in purple, blue, and red lights. It gave the illusion of being darker than it was. A sweeping staircase on the right led to the upstairs lounge, which allowed patrons to lean over the half wall and look down at the people dancing. The bar was the entire length of the wall facing the dance floor and the DJ booth was tucked under the lounge balcony. Small tables and booths lined the walls around the dance floor. Somehow it all worked in the dim, pulsing light.

 

Abigail had secured one of the tables close to the wall and was working on something blue and glowing in a giant martini glass. Shepard meant to keep to his self-imposed sobriety around Kaidan and had a bottle of light beer to nurse. Kaidan pressed his knee into the commander's under the table, sipping on three fingers of whiskey dirty again.

 

“You promised you'd take me dancing, K-dog. And you _totally_ left me high and dry the other night.”

 

“I had more pressing issues to deal with, Abigail,” he said, eyeing Shepard. The commander returned the nudge against his knee. Kaidan had a frisson ripple down his spine at the contact. Abby glanced between the two of them.

 

“So what's the plan? I want to dance and I want you drunk. Should we play 'Never Have I Ever' again?”

 

“Ugh, no! I'm good, thanks...” Shepard broke in, “Once was more than enough for me.”

 

“I think it worked out pretty well when it was all said and done, Commander Killer-Ass...” Abigail said slyly, fingering the rim of her drink. Kaidan noted with a bit of satisfaction that Shepard's ears tinged with color on the edges. It was the only clue he gave that Abby's nickname bothered him.

 

“I, for once, agree with you. It's my birthday. I want to get drunk.”

 

They both looked at the lieutenant in surprise. Abby perked up, excited at the prospect. Shepard was slightly stunned. “Well, hurry up and finish that one! I'll get you another,” she promised, “The sooner you loosen up, the sooner I can get what I want.”

 

“It's _always_ about what you want...”

 

“Damn straight, skippy. Glad you finally picked up on that; we've only been friends since forever.” She slapped the table. “Drink up, buttercup.”

 

Kaidan glanced at Shepard apprehensively. “Put your money where your mouth is, Alenko. You said it yourself: it's shore leave, you can do what you want.”

 

“You ok with it?”

 

“Kaidan, you already got to see me half in the bag. The polite thing to do would be to return the favor so we can at least blackmail each other back on the ship.” He squeezed Kaidan's knee reassuringly. “Besides, I'll pay for half your drinks for your birthday present. A cheap pair of sunglasses doesn't really cut it.”

 

“That's sweet, Shep.” He downed the whiskey and cringed as he felt the burn all the way down. “Whew...That was a bit rough.”

 

“How about tequila? I know you don't do rum.”

 

“As long as there's no worm, we're good.”

 

Shepard got up. “I'll bring back a few rounds for you and some limes. How 'bout yourself, Dr Drake? You want anything?” Abby shook her head. “Didn't know you cared. I'm fine. My turn to be the DD. What a drag, but it's well worth the sacrifice,” she sighed. Kaidan rolled his eyes. “Poor baby,” Shepard heard the biotic say as he pushed his way through the crowd to the bar. He leaned against the shiny silver surface, trying to catch the bartender's attention. He was surprised to see there were a few turians mixed with the human servers.

 

“You'll be waiting for a while if you don't whistle at 'em,” a voice drawled on his left. He looked at the source sitting on the bar stool. A blonde man was staring back at him, a warm look in his hazel eyes. Shepard felt vaguely self conscious.

 

“Thanks for the tip,” he said, raising a hand to flag one of the barkeepers. “Here's another,” the man said, “Don't eat anything from the black bowls; those are dextro snacks.” He took a sip of his drink.

 

“Thanks again,” Shepard said, sparing him another glance. A turian came over, throwing a clean towel over his shoulder.

 

“Six shots of tequila and a cup of limes, please.” The barkeeper lined them up and started pouring.

 

“Salt?”

 

“Please.”

 

He'd forgotten about that; that could be an interesting game of finding places for it to be licked off. He mentally shook himself; that line of thinking was not helping if they were trying to keep it professional. Still a nice thought, though...

 

“Looks like a right ol' party you got going there. What's the occasion?” the stranger asked. Shepard concentrated on gathering everything up in his hands. “It's my buddy's birthday,” he nodded at his table's direction. He gave up and asked the turian for a small tray. The man looked over and saw Abby and Kaidan laughing.

 

“Well, wish him a happy birthday for me.”

 

“I'll tell him...” Shepard finished arranging the tray and fought his way back to the table. He managed to set everything down without spilling and was rather impressed with himself. Abigail applauded, throwing her curls over her shoulder. “Service with style,” she teased.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Drink up, LT.” He took a sip of his beer.

 

Kaidan picked up a shot and flicked his tongue across his wrist. “Hey, genius, you're supposed to lick _salt_ off your wrist _after_ you drink,” Abby said. “Makes the salt stick better. It isn't rocket surgery, _Doctor_. Thought you were supposed to be smart or something...” he shot back, sprinkling white granules on the damp spot.

 

“Woof.”

 

“Girls, girls, you're both pretty...” Shepard broke in. Abigail smirked behind her drink as Kaidan tossed the golden liquor back. The commander held out a lime for him. “Blech,” the lieutenant grimaced, grabbing the fruit. Shepard chuckled and pushed another shot towards him.

 

“That's the price you pay. You want to get hammered? This is the way to do it.”

 

Another shot, lick of salt, and lime. “I suppose the good thing is that my taste buds will be dead by the end of it.” He deliberately brushed his hand against Shepard's while reaching for another shot glass and received a soft smile in return.

 

Abigail sipped her blue concoction, scanning the crowd. “Why's that guy staring?” she asked. Shepard followed her sight line and saw the blonde man at the bar. The man saw Shepard and raised his drink in a toast.

 

“I dunno. He was talking to me while I was ordering. He wished you a happy birthday.”

 

Kaidan's face was still scrunched up from the third shot. “That's nice of him...” he managed to get out. Shepard snorted; the lieutenant's reactions to the tequila were downright cute. Kaidan's face started smoothing out after a moment as he prodded his cheeks.

 

“Starting to get numb. Music's getting better, too....” he said. Abby snickered. “Keep going,” she said, “You gotta stay ahead of your biotics.” Shepard pushed the fourth to him and Kaidan grabbed his wrist and put his lips next to the commander's ear.

 

“Can I just say, off the record, sir, that you being a hard ass about no fraternizing _really_ stinks?”

 

Shepard quirked an amused eyebrow as he glanced at him. Kaidan didn't move away.

 

“You can. Noted, Lieutenant. You starting to feel it?” He could feel the other man swaying a bit as Kaidan still held his wrist. The techno/dance music had gotten slightly louder as the night got later.

 

“Maybe a little,” came the reply.

 

“ _Driiiiiink_....” Abby interjected, “If you stop now, you're just going to be sleepy.” Kaidan released the commander's wrist and took the shot. “Less blech,” he said behind a lime wedge, “More fuzzy-feeling.” He downed the fifth. Shepard rattled his empty beer bottle.

 

“Need me to get another round?” Abigail shoved her martini glass to the middle of the table, indicating she wanted another. Kaidan shook his head.

 

“Not yet...this should be fine for now. Certainly enough to start the evening with.” He was moving in his seat to the bass. Abby pushed the last shot to him, then licked her own wrist, scattering a bit of salt on it.

 

“Last one, then we'll hit the floor. Them bitches won't know what hit 'em.” She held out her wrist expectantly. Kaidan narrowed his eyes at her as he took the shot.

 

“I think this starts the 'poor judgment' section of the evening...” he said slowly, then licked the salt off her wrist, meeting Shepard's eyes. Shepard snorted, shaking his head.

 

“You don't say, LT. Don't look now, but she's got your lime.”

 

Abby had the predatory look back on her face. Kaidan furrowed his brow, looking for the fruit. She grinned, then stuck out her tongue. The lime slice was stuck to it. The lines in the biotic's forehead deepened.

 

“Not nearly drunk enough for that to even be a thought,” he said, “Why would you waste a perfectly good piece of citrus?”

 

“If it was on Shepard's tongue, would you do it?” She disposed of it in her martini glass.

 

“Do I really need to answer?” Shepard felt his neck grow warm.

 

“I suppose not....” she replied as she held out another lime to him, “Would you do it now? That'd be so fuckin' hot.”

 

“ _Abby_...!”

 

“Do I get a say in what happens to me tonight? Because no, that's not happening,” Shepard protested at the same time as Kaidan.

 

“Fine, fine, spoilsports...Let's go, Kaid! Dance floor's a-waiting!” She grabbed his hand and pulled him stumbling behind her. He threw a look over his shoulder at Shepard. The commander smiled and waved. He could throttle Abigail right about now. Maybe if/when they actually had a chance, they'd remember the lime and salt thing for behind closed doors. 'Could be fun,' he thought.

 

He watched Abby start to move sinuously to the music, hands on Kaidan's hips as she faced him. He was a bit surprised at how well the lieutenant moved. His eyes were closed as they gyrated to the beat, writhing bodies around them. Shepard kept an eye on them as he made his way back to the bar. He needed another beer if he was going to watch the display; it was making him curse himself for being such a stickler for the 'no frat' regs. The blonde man was still at the bar as he flagged a bartender down.

 

“Your boy looks like he's havin' a good time with his lady friend.”

 

“You could say that,” Shepard said disinterestedly, leaning his back on the bar. He found them in the crowd. Abby had placed her arms around Kaidan's neck and had molded herself against him, his hands resting lightly on her lower back. The bass throbbed, bodies undulating. Shepard exhaled through his nose slowly. He wondered how much of Kaidan's dancing was due to the booze and how much of it was how he actually danced. They were getting stares from some of the other people on the dance floor; some awed, some jealous, and some appreciative. Shepard had to admit they looked good with each other.

 

His beer appeared next to his elbow and he took a swig. Kaidan looked towards the bar and locked eyes with him. Shepard felt a stirring in the pit of his stomach. 'Oh, that's just not playing fair,' he thought. He felt the heat behind the gaze. “You know, I got some friends on the dance floor. Maybe we'll all run into each other out there and share a round.” The man had turned on his stool and was watching the dancers.

 

“Maybe,” Shepard replied, not really paying him much mind. Kaidan had pushed Abigail's hips to turn her around, his hand splayed on her stomach to hold her in place next to him. She looked more than happy with the arrangement, one arm in the air and the other clutching behind her at his waist to press him close. She ran her free hand through her curls, tossing them all over one shoulder. The lieutenant brushed his lips against her bare neck, heavy-lidded gaze still on Shepard. The commander was running his tongue along one of his canines, trying to subdue the warmth that was racing through him.

 

 _Evil_ fucking distraction...

 

“Y'all come here often?”

 

“I'm not from here; just passing through.”

 

Shepard swallowed hard as he watched their hips grinding together. 'Uncool, Alenko...uncool,' he thought. The song changed and Abby twirled around to face Kaidan again, skirt flaring in the motion, putting one of his thighs between hers as she moved. Kaidan had his eyes closed and his head tilted back at this point. Shepard could see that all the shots he had taken in quick succession had loosened him up incredibly. He briefly wondered if anybody else on the Normandy had seen the lieutenant like this before. He wouldn't believe it himself, except that he was watching it right in front of him. He took another pull from his beer.

 

“Interesting. What brings you to these parts?”

 

Shepard glanced at the blonde man, not wanting to say. “Visiting family,” he decided. It was true for at least one of them, he figured. Another guy came up next to the one on the stool. “Hey! How's it goin'?” he greeted the blonde.

 

“Good! Meet my new friend...What's your name?”

 

“Shepard.”

 

“I'm Dylan,” the blonde said, “And this is Rob.” The new man had brown hair and watery-colored eyes. He stuck out his hand. “Nice to meet ya.” Shepard nodded at him, giving one brief shake. He turned his attention back to the dance floor and was surprised to find Kaidan almost on top of him. Abigail had found another person to attach herself to on the dance floor for the moment.

 

“Hey Shep!” he said, sliding an arm around the commander in a pretense of leaning on the bar, “Makin' friends?” Shepard gave him a half-grin.

 

“Hey yourself. How're you feeling?”

 

“Almost ready for the next round. Dancin' is thirsty work.” Shepard chuckled. He hadn't noticed Kaidan dropped his 'g's' when he was buzzed until now.

 

“So you're the birthday boy, huh? Many happy returns,” Dylan said. Kaidan focused on him for a moment.

 

“Thanks. You keepin' an eye on Shep for me?”

 

Dylan laughed, “I guess. Do you want me to?”

 

“Couldn't hurt. He seems to get into trouble a lot.” Shepard put his beer down on the bar and turned around to face Kaidan.

 

“Oookay, that's enough out of you. Do you want a shot now? Or wait until we get back to the table?”

 

Kaidan gave him a sultry look. “Depends. Can I lick the salt off you?”

 

“Table it is. Go sit down. I'll get Abby. You take this,” Shepard gently pushed the biotic towards their table, pushing his beer into his hand. Dylan gave him a considering look.

 

“I'll send the next round to your table. Our treat, birthday boy.”

 

Kaidan beamed at him. “Thank you!” His words were a little slurred. Shepard ordered another blue drink for Abigail and shooed Kaidan towards their table again.

 

“Had no idea he was a twink,” Rob said, “The way he was grindin' all up on that girl and all.”

 

Shepard clenched his jaw and gave him a hard look. “He's not a 'twink',” he growled.

 

“Easy, fella. Nothin' wrong with it. You his boyfriend or somethin'?”

 

Shepard shook his head. “If I was?”

 

“Just curious, that's all. Don't mean nothin' by it. Fags are cool in my book.”

 

The commander lightly punched his fist into the bar top. One of the turian bartenders looked up.

 

“Do we have a problem, gentleman?” the sub-vocal purr had menace in it. Rob and Dylan widened their eyes.

 

“We're fine,” Shepard said tersely, “I just need that drink and I'm leaving.” The turian handed the martini to him and looked between the three men. Dylan looked at the commander. “We'll still send a round your way. Consider it an apology.” Shepard grunted, then pushed his way through the crowd, looking for Abigail. She was back at the table and bouncing in her chair. Kaidan was still dancing in his seat, rubbing his fingertips together and against his palms.

 

“What are you doing, LT?” Shepard asked as he pushed the martini to Abby.

 

“It feels cool,” came the tipsy reply. Abby snorted in her drink.

 

“Forgot to tell you. He's a total tactile junkie when he's drunk, too. Keep him away from soft and fuzzy things. He'll just keep petting them.”

 

Shepard sat next to him and pinned his hands to the table with one of his own.

 

“Stop,” he said, faintly amused, “You're making me fidgety.” Kaidan pulled his left hand free and ran his hand over Shepard's head, almost giggling.

 

“It's all prickly-velvet-y,” he mused, rubbing his palm back and forth. Shepard sighed.

 

“What'm I going to do with you?”

 

“I can think of a few things.”

 

“I bet you can.”

 

“Hey, me too,” Abigail broke in, “And most of them include you two _not_ being nauseating in front of me.”

 

A waiter brought another tray of six tequila shots with limes to their table. Shepard threw a dark look over at the bar and saw Dylan and Rob toasting them. He took a draft from his beer, staring at them. They turned back to the bar.

 

Kaidan reached for one. “So can I lick the salt off you, Shepard?”

 

“Not tonight, Kaidan,” he said as he turned back to the table. Kaidan was practically pouting.

 

“But it's my birthday.”

 

“So drink up.” Kaidan tossed it back and winced.

 

“Never mind about the salt. Tastes like it was already in there.” He stuffed two limes in his mouth. Abby sipped her drink, eyebrow raised.

 

“Or you're just drunk enough that you think it's salty.” Kaidan shrugged and took another in hand.

 

“Test number two...” He shook his head as it ran down his throat, “Still salty-tasting. Blech again.” He pushed the tray to the middle of the table. Shepard nudged him with his elbow.

 

“Slowing down?”

 

“Not hardly. I don't want to take another one just yet, though, I should probably let these settle. But I have a request, if you won't let me lick the salt off you.”

 

Shepard furrowed his brow. “Oh? And what's that?”

 

“Take a shot with me when I come back.”

 

The commander sighed. He was nursing the beer for a reason. And Kaidan acting the way he was would prove incredibly detrimental to keeping regs intact if Shepard let himself get buzzed, too.

 

“One shot. That's all you get out of me.”

 

“Just one,” Kaidan promised, “I won't ask anything else from you.” Shepard had a sneaking suspicion the lieutenant was lying.

 

“Deal.” They shook on it, Kaidan's fingers lingering in Shepard's palm. The commander squeezed them lightly, then let go. Kaidan smiled at him.

 

“Let's go dance, Abby.” He took her by the hand and they wove their way through the crowd. Shepard watched them dance for a few minutes, then busied himself with trying to contain the salt and lime mess on the table. He didn't really feel like watching the equivalent of soft core porn on the dance floor. He would have preferred a private show minus one of the dancers. He was surprised when a small hand grabbed his and pulled him around.

 

Abigail had his left hand in hers and she was trying to pull him onto the dance floor. Shepard planted his feet and didn't move. “I. Don't. _Dance_ ,” he said over the music.

 

“I. Don't. _Care_ , Commander. It's his birthday and he's just asking for you. If you're so intent on trying to hide, you can put me between the two of you. _Really_ get people's tongues wagging.” Shepard thought about it, then heaved another sigh as he nodded. Abby squealed in delight, then turned around, pulling him with her. This was probably going to not end well, he figured, but there were only so many times he could say no.

 

When they reached Kaidan, the biotic had his eyes closed and was halfway reeling in place. He wasn't so much dancing as he was swaying on the spot. Abby grabbed him and gave him a shake.

 

“Hey! Look who I found!”

 

Kaidan's eyes opened blearily and he looked disoriented. His eyes finally found Shepard's face and he smiled, leaning heavily on Abigail.

 

“Hey Schep. I can't feel my lipsch...” he slurred. Abby tossed a look over her shoulder at the commander. “He's too heavy for me to hold up. A little help...?” Shepard moved next to him, but he batted away any attempt at support, trying to stand on his own.

 

“ M'm alright,” he mumbled, hooking his hands on Abigail's hips, “Schtill want to dance.”

 

“Uh-huh...Maybe you don't need anymore for the moment, Kaid. This isn't really like you,” she said, a thread of worry in her voice.

 

He seemed to gather himself a little and started to dance, but it wasn't nearly as coordinated as before. Shepard did some kind of shuffle in one spot, brow furrowed as he observed the lieutenant; he felt stupid as hell, and worried. Somebody knocked into Shepard and apologized, then asked, “Is your friend ok? He seems wasted.” Shepard looked at them, annoyed.

 

“It's a nightclub. What's your point?”

 

“Sorry again, man,” the guy said, putting his hands up in innocence, “My pal and I were goin' to take him to the bathroom and make sure he was alright; we thought he was alone.” Another guy nodded his head, looking at the first one. Shepard noted with distracted interest that the two of them were significantly less drunk than the rest of the crowd; he was more concerned about keeping track of Kaidan. The second man had moved closer to Kaidan and put a hand on his shoulder, saying something in his ear. The lieutenant apparently answered in the negative and threw the hand off his shoulder. He missed the dark look aimed at him as he slithered closer to the commander and Abby placed herself between Kaidan and the two strangers. She was dancing up a storm to try to block them.

 

Shepard saw Kaidan's mouth moving but couldn't hear anything over the music. “What?” Kaidan shook his head, frustrated, and tried again. Shepard laughed to himself, then said again, “What? I can't hear you...you'll have to come closer.” He cupped a hand around his ear towards the biotic, grinning. Kaidan returned the smile and closed the distance between them, putting his lips next to Shepard's ear.

 

“I _schaid_ , the schong is true,” the lieutenant said through muddy words. “Oh? About what?” Shepard prodded, leaning closer. He felt warm breath on his neck and cheek as Kaidan huffed a quiet laugh. “Lischten to it,” he said.

 

_The sun goes down, the stars come out/ And all that counts is here and now/ My universe will never be the same/ I'm glad you came..._

 

“I am. Very glad,” Kaidan said. His voice was huskier than usual. Shepard felt warm flutters spread from his stomach as the words caressed his ear.

 

_You cast a spell on me (spell on me)/ You hit me like the sky fell on me (fell on me)/ And I decided you looked well on me (well on me)/ So let's go somewhere no one else can see/ You and me..._

 

“Really?” Shepard asked, deciding right then and there he would not drink another drop all night if he had any hope of resisting. Kaidan managed to pull the same move Abby had earlier, hooking his fingers in Shepard's belt loops while he slid himself against the commander's thigh. Shepard closed his eyes as he fought not to respond to the contact. It was a losing battle for both of them.

 

_Turn the lights out now/ Now I take you by the hand/ Hand you another drink/ Drink it if you can./ Can you spend a little time?/ Time is slipping away/ Away from us, so stay/ Stay with me, I can make/ Make you glad you came..._

 

“Really...” Kaidan responded, voice like smoke. Shepard couldn't help resting his hands on Kaidan's hips at that point, dragging his eyelids up. Smoldering brown eyes locked onto his. Maybe he wasn't as bad at dancing as he thought he was. Kaidan was forcing Shepard to move with the music simply by holding their bodies together as he danced. Evil, evil, _evil_ distraction...

 

Abigail gasped; he lost his balance and fell into the commander just then. Shepard put one of his arms under Kaidan's shoulder, supporting him.

 

“Help me get him back to the table,” he grunted at Abby. She ducked under Kaidan's other arm and they made their way back. Kaidan flopped bonelessly into the seat, eyes closed.

 

“I don't like this...he's never acted that fuckin' wasted on so little before...” Abby muttered, rummaging through her hand bag. She pulled out a penlight and lifted his lids, checking his pupils. Shepard picked up one of the shots absentmindedly, watching as Abigail moved on to checking his pulse.

 

“You consider the amount he's had 'little'?” he asked incredulously, “What's 'a lot'?”

 

“He's biotic, Shep. You've seen how fast his metabolism is. Usually a full fifth gets him for the night and he's only had eight shots and a glass of whiskey...the beer from earlier probably was already out of his system by the time we got here. That's peanuts compared to what I've seen him do.” She easily fell into lecture-mode as she worked on her friend.

 

Shepard whistled, “Remind me not to challenge him to a drinking game...Or at least have him on my team if we play one.”

 

She ignored him as she pressed her fingers to Kaidan's wrist, counting seconds. “Wish I had my stethoscope. Shit, that's slow...” Kaidan stirred a bit, then went still again. “He's clammy. He's never like this, _ever_....” She chewed at her bottom lip, eyes darting around.

 

She caught sight of the shot in Shepard's hand. “Didn't he say it tasted weird?”

 

“If salty tastes weird, yeah.”

 

“Shit-fuck-damn. Tequila ain't salty.” Comprehension dawned on her and she slapped the shot out of his hand.

 

“What the fuck?!” He threw his hands up as it splashed on the table. She quickly knocked the rest over on the tray.

 

“Don't fuckin' touch that, any of it. I think he was roofied.”

 

“ _What_?”

 

Kaidan struggled to sit up, face haggard. “...gonna be sick,” he said in a shaky voice. Abby jumped up. “Get him to the bathroom!” she demanded. Shepard slung Kaidan's arm over his shoulder again, helping him up and pushing through the crowd. Abigail was trying to clear a path as best as she could.

 

They reached the toilet in time. Nobody questioned Abby's presence in the men's room after she gave them a hard stare. Kaidan had passed out again, leaning against her on the floor. Shepard paced the small room, trying to piece it together. The only thing he could think of was Dylan and Rob.

 

“I'll be back,” he muttered.

 

“We'll be here,” she quipped, “Bring water if you think of it.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

“Hey!”

 

The two men turned. The two strangers from the dance floor had apparently joined them.

 

“What the fuck was in those shots?”

 

Rob put on a mock concerned face. “Birthday boy can't handle his liquor? That's a cryin' shame.” Dylan stood up as Shepard got in Rob's face, jaw set. “You're pretty upset if you're not the twink's boyfriend,” Rob continued, “Though I think you are. Nice dancing, by the way.”

 

“You fucking drugged him! What the hell?” He was an inch away from throwing a punch. Dylan gave a mirthless laugh. “We could have _all_ drank that shit!”

 

“Now, Shepard, you don't know that. We didn't do anything to those shots. We simply ordered the drinks and had them delivered, just like we promised,” Dylan said, explaining it like Shepard was five.

 

“You goddamn cocksuckers know what the fuck happened. I want to know what was in them and why. NOW.”

 

The other two men were rolling their shoulders, preparing for an altercation. The crowd had gone quiet, making a circle around them. One of the barkeepers was on the phone with security.

 

“Like I said before, fudge packers are cool in my book...especially when they're so limp I can just ram-”

 

Rob's nose exploded in a shower of liquid rubies as Shepard's forehead smashed into it. “How's that for ramming something?” he spat, sinking into a boxer's stance, “Don't mess with my fucking crew.” Rob was on the ground, reeling from the impact. The crowd scattered to the edges of the room, widening the circle. Dylan was crouched over the mewling man.

 

“That's fuckin' assault! We're pressing charges, you fucker!” The other two men had put their fists up. Shepard flicked his eyes between both of them, trying to suss out who would swing first. They were advancing on him. “Like we're not going to press charges right back? You fucking _drugged_ my _friend_!” he yelled as he backed up slowly, trying to move into more open space. He didn't like his odds; it was four against one and his head already hurt. Headbutting was a lot easier with a helmet. The approaching men got an uncertain look and stopped moving, looking past Shepard.

 

“What's the matter, fuckers? Think you can't handle it? You have _no_ fucking idea the shitstorm you just brought down on yourselves.”

 

They stayed silent, still focusing beyond him. The crowd tittered.

 

“Need some back up, Commander?” a familiar voice said quietly. Shepard bared his teeth, heart leaping for joy.

 

“Nice timing, Vakarian. Fancy seeing you here.”

 

He didn't dare take his eyes off the men. Garrus stepped next to the commander, his clawed hands in loose fists by his side. “I _did_ tell you I was the top ranked hand-to-hand combat specialist on my last tour, didn't I?”

 

“Damn useful skill.”

 

“Yes it is. Especially against you humans. Your flesh is so _soft_ , it splits open like a melon after a few well placed hits.” The men paled at that, Rob's pained noises the only sound in the joint.

 

“Wait...you're military?” Dylan asked.

 

“You're goddamn right, we're military. Commander fucking Shepard of the SSV Normandy, and you roofied my staff lieutenant. Bring it, bitch.”

 

“You're forgetting the Spectre bit, Commander,” Garrus helpfully added, “Particularly the 'rules don't apply' part.”

 

“Hands up, the lot of you!” Club security descended on them with flex cuffs.

 

“Damn,” Garrus said as they slowly spread their palms above their heads, “And I didn't even get to show you my favorite move...”

 

~*~*~*~

 

An hour later Shepard, Garrus, and Kaidan were seated in the club's office while Abigail was conferring with an EMT outside the door. Kaidan was wrapped in a blanket and had an IV drip going. The chief of security was writing the incident reports and taking their statements simultaneously. Vancouver PD had been called and discovered remnants of the drug in Rob's pocket and a text log between the four men coordinating their movements to target them. Shepard was livid while he issued gag orders on the club and VPD. Extra paperwork wasn't helping the monster headache he had.

 

“So we're free to go?” he asked again; the last time he asked they needed more details of the night. The chief of security steepled his fingers. “As far as I can tell. The assault charge won't stick, and you're a Spectre. Boy, did they pick the wrong group...Abigail, you and Kaidan seem to get mixed up in a lot of shenanigans.”

 

Shepard looked at her; she had slipped back into the office unnoticed. She had a stony look on her face as she adjusted the drip line. Kaidan was fading in and out of consciousness. “Officer Jensen, you always seem to be around to pick up the pieces.”

 

“This one just happened to be a doozy...we've had a rash of reported druggings and sexual assault here, but nothing solid. Until now,” he said, then after a pause, “I'm not an officer anymore, as you can see. Please tell Dr and Mrs Alenko I say hello.”

 

“Will do, sir. We'll be leaving, if it's all the same to you.”

 

Shepard and Garrus supported Kaidan while walking. Abby held the IV bag and led them to her SUV. She hung the bag on the garment hook in the back seat and had Shepard get in the back to hold the biotic steady. Garrus sat in the front, quietly taking it all in.

 

“Not that I'm complaining in the slightest, but...what the hell were you doing in the club, Garrus?”

 

“I'm staying at the turian embassy and felt like getting out, seeing the sights. This is one of the nicer places you've taken me. The concierge recommended that club, as it is one of the few in Vancouver that caters to the dextro population. I watched everything from the second floor lounge. I didn't recognize it was you, though, until I saw you dragging Kaidan to the bathroom. I'm not used to seeing either of you out of uniform.”

 

Kaidan's head dropped to the side, resting on Shepard's ribcage; the commander wished he could cradle him in his arms and not let go. Kaidan seemed fragile at the moment. Garrus looked at the lieutenant's head lolling on Shepard. “Think he would care if he knew how much he was touching you? He's so closed off on the ship...” Abigail covered a laugh with a cough.

 

Shepard sighed as he propped the other man back up. “I don't think he cares at the moment. Damn lucky you were there, that's all I have to say...I don't think I would have walked away quite so easily otherwise.”

 

“Mm. Maybe. But that doesn't explain what _you_ were doing there.”

 

“It's his birthday and I was in the area. I figured why the hell not...”

 

“Is that why you haven't been on base? Wrex took a merc job and wanted to run it by you. We couldn't find you.”

 

“Wonderful...” Shepard muttered darkly. Garrus faced forward as they approached the high-rise building.

 

Abigail pulled into the parking garage of the appartment. Shepard hugged Kaidan to him as the SUV went over speed bumps; he knew first hand how uncomfortable IV's were when they were jostled. Kaidan's eyes flickered open and he tried to get his bearings. He gave a slow smile as he looked at Shepard's face. Shepard found it hard not to smile back.

 

“Either the best dream I've had in a while, or the best way to wake up from one...” he mumbled. Shepard hoped to high hell Garrus's hearing wasn't as good as his eyesight, but suspected not a lot went past the turian.

 

“G'morning, _Lieutenant_ ,” Shepard said pointedly, “Say hello to Vakarian; you gave us a fright.” Kaidan blinked again and saw the turian in the front seat.

 

“Garrus...what're you doing here?”

 

“Pulling Shepard's ass out of the fire, what else?” The lieutenant huffed a small laugh and leaned his head back against the car's headrest, moving away from Shepard reluctantly. “Happy birthday, by the way. Looks like it was an exciting one.”

 

“You could say that...I don't really remember the last part.” Abigail had a stormy look as she parked the car.

 

“It wasn't worth remembering. Trust me,” she muttered as she opened the backseat doors and grabbed the IV bag. Garrus piled out of the vehicle and stretched, looking down the rows of other cars. Shepard figured the turian was looking for potential threats as he gave Kaidan's hand a little squeeze. He received a tired smile and a squeeze back in return. The biotic dribbled out of the seat and leaned on Garrus' offered arm once he was out. They made their way to the elevator.

 

“I don't understand something, Shepard. Perhaps you can illuminate it for me.”

 

“What's that, Garrus?” The elevator pinged as they flew past the other floors.

 

“Why was the club called ' _The Grey Cat_ '? There were no cats and it decidedly wasn't gray at all.”

 

“....It's a human joke. It doesn't matter what color you say a cat is; they're all gray in the dark.”

 

“But why name a club that?”

 

“The idea applies to other situations. Please tell me I don't have to spell it out.” Garrus flexed his mandibles as they went down the hall and Abigail opened the apartment. They gently deposited Kaidan in the closest bedroom. Abby finished the bag of fluids, then removed the cathater. Kaidan drifted.

 

“If it's referring to people, I don't see why it would be funny.”

 

Shepard sighed. “Any port in a storm? If all you're looking for is a night, it doesn't matter what the other person looks like...”

 

Comprehension bloomed on Garrus' face. “Ahh. A mating joke. I'll have to remember that one; it's quite good. It definitely applies to turians.” Shepard tutted, shaking his head wryly.

 

Abby stood there with her arms crossed. “I don't want to move him, but he's in the guest bedroom. I was supposed to stay in Kaidan's bedroom, and I suppose Garrus could take the master...” Shepard furrowed his brow. “Why were you going to stay in _his_ bedroom?” he asked.

 

“Because he's my best friend. That's why. Where are you sleeping tonight?”

 

“In _my_ bed.”

 

“I just said _Kaidan's_ in it.” She glared at him.

 

“I'll be watching him to make sure he doesn't, I dunno, die? I can make sure he gets to the bathroom in time if he has to puke again, too.”

 

“Hmm...”

 

Garrus watched the exchange uncomfortably. “I'll just stay on the couch...I wouldn't know what to do with a big bed, anyway. Couch is more like a field bed.” He made his way out to the great room.

 

“Garrus!! Keep your boots off it! Kaidan's mother will kill you if you put your boots on it; it's white!!” Shepard called after him. Abby rolled her eyes and went across the hall, closing their door. Shepard looked at the lieutenant and shook his head. Their first night in the same bed together, and it was probably the most ridiculous scenario anybody could ever have imagined.

 

Shepard crawled onto the mattress next to him, tucking the covers around Kaidan's chin. He pulled a loose blanket over himself, making sure he was on top of the bedclothes. He sunk into a deep, dreamless sleep, Kaidan's even breath a lullaby.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday, Kaidan!! Ok, I'm sorry it all went down like that...seems that he's got kind of a target on him some days, doesn't it? *ducks* And poor Shepard just can't catch a break. Let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> Oh!!!! I have a tumblr, now. It'll be a drabble/art/fanfic dump for me. Little blips that don't warrant a one shot will go there. Next, I might be brave enough to go use the Twitter, lol. https://www.tumblr.com/blog/nightmarestudio606


	16. Knight in Alliance Armor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Cuz I'm coming at you like a dark horse... Are you ready for a perfect storm?"_ ~ Katy Perry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a little more back story between Kaidan and Garrus, look at “Turian Boogeyman.” You don't have to, but it fleshes it out a little. Also, this is the trail ride from hell. Now with fantastic art from Ank-Shey! Go visit her tumblr and let her know how amazing she is!! http://ank-shey.tumblr.com/

_**Wish You Were Here**_ **,** by potionsmaster

 

Rated: M for language, underage kids in adult situations, not _exactly_ non-con but might as well be....this little part is squicky. Well...squickier than the last chapter. I don't know how I come up with these awful things.

 

**Chapter 15** : _Knight in Alliance Armor_

 

Shepard woke up with his face smashed in his pillow, blankets in disarray, and a tiny foot shoving him in the ribs. He slapped at it with a growl, glaring balefully at Abigail. She was standing next to the bed wearing an oversize robe, make-up from last night still smeared around her eyes. He wondered if it was a Canadian tradition to wake a sleeping person up by jabbing them in the torso with sharp body parts.

 

“Can I help you?” he ground out from behind his gritted teeth.

 

“What do you do when a turian wants breakfast and you have no idea what to feed them?”

 

“Toss a raw steak at them. It's cool when they catch it in their beaks.”

 

“Really?”

 

“ _No_ , not really! We have to find a store with dextro based foods.” He rolled onto his back, rubbing the grit from his eyes in exasperation. He noticed he was the only one in the bed. “Where's Kaidan?”

 

Abby smirked at him. “He's in the kitchen with Garrus. You always this grouchy when you wake up? Or is it just my winning personality?” Shepard didn't answer as he heaved himself up. Apparently he forgot to change last night.

 

“It's the poke in the ribs that I don't like. I snapped at Kaidan when he did it, too.”

 

“ _Did_ he, now? Do tell...” she quipped and followed him out to the great room. Garrus was standing in front of the wall of windows facing the bay, gazing at the water. Kaidan was on one of the island stools, clothing from the night before decidedly rumpled. He had dark circles under his eyes as he gave them a tired smile when they entered. He pushed a mug of tea towards Shepard.

 

“Garrus tells me you pretended to be krogan last night. How'd _that_ feel?”

 

“Like the morning after shore leave,” Shepard wisecracked, picking up the mug and sipping. Garrus turned towards the little group. He cut an impressive silhouette in the bright morning light streaming through the windows.

 

“Wrex would have been proud,” his distinctive voice purred as he made his way towards them, “He should be back from his extra-curricular business by tomorrow. Then you can regale him.” Abby's large eyes widened even more as the tall alien made his way to the kitchen area.

 

“You'd be rich if you could bottle that voice,” she said. Garrus blinked at her and Kaidan shook his head.

 

“Don't mind her, she's just in heat.” Shepard rolled his eyes.

 

Abigail started laughing at that. “Oh, ouch! I need some salve for that burn,” she said, “And here I thought you had absolutely no sense of humor, Commander Friendly.”

 

Garrus whispered to Kaidan, “I didn't think humans went through heat cycles.” Kaidan pinched the bridge of his nose and whispered back, “We don't call it that. That's the joke.”

 

“Ah.”

 

Kaidan's omni-tool pinged with a message. “Parents are on their way and they'll be here in an hour to take us to breakfast,” he said, reading the message, “I suggest we try to clean up as much as we can. Let's not mention what happened last night, if at all possible.”

 

“That might not be doable. Look at Shepard,” Abby pointed out, “He's got an egg on his head. I'll try to reduce it, but it's not going to be pretty for the next couple of days.” Shepard gingerly prodded the swollen spot. 'Yep, still sore,' he thought.

 

“Nothing that some medigel won't fix...” he muttered, “I'll put some on after I shower.” He finished his tea quickly and left the others in the great room.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Kaidan's parents came in the door to find their son leaning against the counter, hair still damp from his own shower, watching Abigail dab some civilian-grade medigel they found on Shepard's forehead. Shepard was cursing darkly at her, much to Garrus and Kaidan's amusement.

 

“ _John_!” Mrs Alenko exclaimed as she entered the room, “What on earth did you do?”

 

“I hit my head getting into the car last night,” he lied, “OUCH. That _stings_ , you know.”

 

Abigail leveled him with a look. “You'll live,” she said dryly, “You big baby.” She gathered up the materials and disposed of them. “How do you survive on the battlefield if a little scratch like this has you so upset and whiny?” she wondered aloud.

 

Kaidan snorted, “He complains more. Luckily the hardsuits have localized medigel distribution subroutines so I don't have to pin him to the ground every time.” Garrus nodded in agreement. “That _would_ be a sight to see, though....Commander Shepard taken out of action by the field medic holding him down, no less. The geth might laugh themselves into surrender.”

 

“How did you know that was the ultimate strategy, Vakarian? Stay out of my datapads.” Shepard got up from the stool and rolled his neck. Mrs Alenko slid an arm around Kaidan, leaning against him and staring at the turian. Garrus was politely ignoring the attention. Dr Alenko offered a hand to him. The tall alien cocked his head at it, but cautiously put his three-fingered claw out in response.

 

“Albert Alenko. Nice to meet you. The last time I met a turian, he was unconscious and I was assisting in his shoulder repair.” He grabbed Garrus' hand and pumped it up and down a few times. Garrus replied, “Good to meet you, too. Garrus Vakarian. Lt Alenko has spoken highly of you, sir.”

 

“Pop, maybe you shouldn't tell him right off the bat the only other person of his culture you met was knocked out with you rooting around in an open wound...tends to scare people.”

 

“This from the turian boogeyman himself...” Garrus muttered, shooting him a beady-eyed stare. Kaidan dropped his gaze and rubbed the back of his neck.

 

“You know it was an accident, Garrus...I'd take it back if I could.”

 

“Can't take a joke?” came the snappy retort.

 

“Hey! Lock it down, both of you,” Shepard pointed a finger between the both of them. “Garrus, I'm sure you've done some things in your past you wouldn't like brought out in front of your family, either. I like having you on board, and you're a hell of a shot, but if you make my life difficult, I will drop your pointy ass back on the Citadel and not think twice about it.”

 

“You're right, Commander. I...I'm sorry.”

 

“Kaidan?” Shepard raised his eyebrows at him expectantly.

 

“Apology accepted.”

 

Shepard nodded. “Good,” he said, rubbing a hand over his short hair in frustration, “One big happy family again.” Abigail slid her arms around Shepard's middle from behind.

 

“And _that's_ why you're the commander,” she said. Shepard rolled his eyes and threw her hands off of him.

 

“Get off me, Abby.”

 

“Sir, yes sir,” she laughed, moving to the couch.

 

Dr Alenko tried to salvage the situation.“Mina? Care to introduce yourself?” She gave him a bright and empty smile while reaching out to shake Garrus' hand, too.

 

“Lovely to meet you. I'm sorry, I've never met one of you before...I'm not sure what's appropriate.”

 

“Well, lucky for us, I had to take classes in human body language and customs while in C-sec. The hand-shaking is still strange to me, though. Turians grasp the forearms and bump foreheads.” The turian quirked his head, noting the raised eyebrows. “You're safe. You're too short for me to attempt.”

 

“Ah, I see...” Kaidan's mother nodded, “What should we do for breakfast? I must admit, I don't know where we can find a dextro restaurant. I suppose we could try to shop on base at the requisitions store.”

 

Garrus caught Shepard's eye. “That's generous of you, but I've imposed on your hospitality long enough. Weren't you going to come back to base today, Shepard? You're already here; we might as well just go back after you sort out food.”

 

Shepard bit the inside of his cheek, trying to come up with something. “That makes sense, but I still have some stuff back at the orchard. And besides, I had a meeting with the admin that got pushed back a day. I want to take advantage of civilian lodging while I still can. I didn't get a chance to send out the message this morning yet.” He brought up his omni-tool's haptic interface and started typing.

 

Kaidan huffed a laugh. “Bet you anything Ash'll be pissed that she's back a day early.”

 

Shepard had a half-smirk on his face as he put the finishing touches on his memo. “She can be pissed, meetings are meetings. I can't help it they delayed a day; at least I know when we pull mag-lock anchor, everyone will be on board.” Kaidan had a suspicion that there really was no meeting with Esquimalt's administration but didn't say anything. His and Garrus' omni-tools pinged simultaneously and they both reflexively brought up their message.

 

_< <Arrival schedule: All commissioned officers must be on board no later than 1600 hr 2183Mar24. NCOs must be aboard no later than 1600 hr 2183Mar25. All other civilians and crew must be on board no later than 2000 hr 2183Mar25. Commence launch 0600 hr 2183Mar26. CMD JShepard>>_

 

“Well, there you go,” Kaidan said softly, “All good things must come to an end.” Mrs Alenko read over his shoulder, face falling a bit. He put an arm around her, rubbing her shoulder lightly. Shepard felt a bit bad as he moved towards the wall of windows, deliberately not meeting anybody's eyes. Dr Alenko looked between the two younger men, noting the pinched looks on both their faces. 'So young to look so world-weary,' he thought.

 

The sun was dazzling off the bay. Shepard didn't want shore leave to end any more than they did, but he was starting to feel the clock ticking in the back of his skull. Saren needed to be dealt with. An extra day wouldn't hurt, though...

 

“Garrus, I'll meet up with you tomorrow afternoon on base, if you want. Extra hands would be nice to move supplies.”

 

The turian nodded. “Sounds good, Shepard. I suppose I'll need a lift to get back to the embassy; I'll make it easy on you and find my own breakfast. It was nice enough of Kaidan to let me spend the night here.” Abby perked up as she hauled herself off the sofa.

 

“I'll take you,” she volunteered, “I always wanted an excuse to go in that place.” She latched onto Kaidan, giving him a fierce hug. “See you next time, Kaid. Be there. There's no other option.” Her voice was thick, face buried in his chest. Shepard noted the lieutenant was trying to keep his expression stoic as he hugged her tightly back.

 

“See you later, Abby-gator. I'll miss you.”

 

“In a while, Kaid-adile. Because you _are_ coming back. Don't think for a moment that you're not.”

 

Garrus cleared his throat and moved over near Shepard to give them some privacy.

 

“You'll have to explain the human custom of leaking moisture from your eyes when your species gets overly emotional to me later,” he murmured to the commander, “Turians typically don't do that unless we get debris in our eyes.” Shepard chuckled. Abigail let go of Kaidan, kissed his parents on the cheek with promises of catching up with them later, and motioned for Garrus to follow.

 

“See you in a couple of days, Lieutenant,” the turian said, “Happy Birthday.”

 

“Thanks, Vakarian. See you then.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Later that evening Shepard and Kaidan sat on the porch, water bottles in hand as they watched the sky fade to darkness. Kaidan hadn't felt up to doing much during the day and didn't want anything to do with alcohol for the moment, either; he'd been fighting off a migraine with mixed results. Shepard felt funny being the only one to drink, so water it was.

 

“How did the security chief know you and Abby?” Shepard asked. Kaidan leaned his head back against his seat, sighing lightly.

 

“He was the officer that picked me up when I was expelled. We also ran into him a time or two after I was home from BAaT...Funny how small the world is sometimes.”

 

Shepard nodded. “Definitely. Speaking of absolutely nothing, I have a request for tomorrow.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Can we go on one last ride?”

 

Kaidan smiled. “I think that can be arranged. I should be back in form by then. When did you want to get back to base tomorrow?”

 

“Mid-afternoon-ish. I don't have a set time. I just like to be there before the rest of the crew. Another hard limit of mine.”

 

“You complicate your life by making all these rules for yourself, you know,” the lieutenant said, sounding sage.

 

“But it works for me.”

 

“Whatever you say, Shep,” Kaidan snorted, “We can go in the morning, then get you back to Esquimalt after lunch. You sure you don't want me to go back with you?” He peered hopefully at the commander.

 

“No, Kaidan, spend some time with your folks. I'll see you the next day.” Kaidan looked mildly put out, slumping back in his chair. Neither one of them spoke as they gazed at the stars, deep in their own thoughts.

 

“Weird to think that we'll be back among them in a couple of days,” the lieutenant said, breaking the silence after a while. Shepard nodded, then replied, “I could never see them in Boston....the sky was just a big, black _thing_ that hung over us. Too much light pollution.” Kaidan eyed his profile.

 

“Speaking of Boston, do I get my story?”

 

“Are we going to get interrupted?” Shepard glanced at him, then over his shoulder at the house.

 

“Probably not. Is it really that bad?” Kaidan shrugged.

 

“Depends on which part you want to know.”

 

Kaidan pursed his lips, thinking. “Going back to the drinking game, you said you slept with a girl?” Shepard chuckled and nodded, taking a sip of his water. He looked up at the stars again.

 

“Given the past few days and that tidbit, I'm pretty sure you're at least bi.”

 

“No, I'm not.”

 

“ _Really_.”

 

“Really.”

 

“Huh...who'd've thought.”

 

Shepard smirked at him. “Is that going to be an issue, Lieutenant?” Kaidan rolled his eyes as he recognized his own words from their last ride.

 

“I believe the answer is, 'God no.' Half the Normandy's crew will be heartbroken, though...Tell me about that, then. I'm going to assume that she was an exception, not a rule?”

 

“In a manner of speaking. More like a test than exception, though.” Kaidan quirked an eyebrow but stayed quiet, letting Shepard tell it in his own time. “You know I was with a small-time gang before I joined the Alliance?” Kaidan nodded. “Well, when you run with a gang, you have to do some unsavory things to survive.” The other man winced. “I wouldn't go so far as to call females 'unsavory', Shepard.”

 

“Ha! Not exactly what I was referring to, but I see your point. No, I meant that gang life forces everybody involved in it to do some really shitty things. In this case, she wanted to join the gang I was already a part of. The kid in charge, Jared? He knew my preferences, and also knew I wanted absolutely nothing to do with his drug enterprise. I was respected enough and skilled enough at being a thief to be able to avoid it, but he didn't like it. He was always looking for ways to humiliate me, or undermine my status.” Shepard shook his head, avoiding Kaidan's eyes.

 

“So this poor girl at the orphanage we were in decided that life would be better for her by joining the Reds. Her initiation, per Jared, was to keep me 'interested' to the end. With witnesses. If she couldn't, she'd have a second chance to join that wouldn't be nearly as pleasant. If I couldn't, I would have been 'reassigned' to a different line of work. Either way, Jared got something he wanted.”

 

Kaidan furrowed his brow. “What happened?”

 

“I was able to talk to her in private beforehand, so we sorta made it our own thing. She viewed it as taking care of the pesky issue of 'never having done it before', and I viewed it as I was testing myself to 'make sure of where my interests truly lay'. Needless to say, I was glad when the whole sticky business was over with.” Kaidan blinked, trying to process it.

 

“How old were you when this happened?”

 

Shepard looked at his water bottle, peeling the label. “You don't want to know...too young.”

 

Kaidan put a reassuring hand on the commander's shoulder. “I have no leg to stand on to judge; you know what happened to me when I was younger.”

 

“Yeah, I'm not so concerned you'll judge my age as I am that you'll judge hers. _I_ was 14. Put it this way: I was glad she was so young she hadn't fully developed yet...helped me think of her as not a 'her'. It was pretty much the only way I got through it.” Kaidan mulled it over, chewing his bottom lip.

 

“You're scaring me, Shepard... _how old_?” He was trying his hardest to keep his voice neutral.

 

“12. She was, uh...12.”

 

“What would've happened if you couldn't go through with it?”

 

“I was pretty good at being a pickpocket and doing distraction work. If we were pulling a heist, I would do anything and everything I could to keep the mark's attention on me while the rest snuck around the back. Let me be clear about something. I never did anything I did not _want_ to do in that capacity. Jared would have taken that away from me, made me turn tricks, if I couldn't complete this girl's initiation. I made sure to tell him that the only reason I was able to was that I was picturing _his_ ass in place of 'her'. He was not pleased, but he couldn't do anything. We got the mission done. End of story.” Shepard scrubbed his hands over his eyes.

 

Kaidan blew out a slow breath, absorbing it all. “Wow,” he said finally, “I'm glad you got out when you did.”

 

“Me too, Kaidan, me too.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Shepard woke up early the next morning with an empty feeling. It was the last vacation day he had of shore leave and he didn't want it to end. He pulled on his jeans and white t-shirt from the day before and made his way downstairs. He was in the habit of making Kaidan's coffee with his own tea first thing in the morning at this point and was startled to see the lieutenant already up in the kitchen. A plate of scrambled eggs and toast with apple butter was placed in front of him with a wink.

 

“Aww, pumpkin, you shouldn't have...”

 

“Shut the fuck up, Commander. Too bad your ego didn't shrink with the lump on your forehead.”

 

“Do I trust it?” Shepard asked as he rubbed the spot. It felt tight, but at least the swelling was down. Medigel was truly a marvelous invention.

 

“It's pretty hard to mess up eggs. I _can_ cook, you know.”

 

“....got any hot sauce?”

 

Kaidan rolled his eyes as he went in the fridge to look. Dr Alenko came down the stairs at that point. “Mina said you two wanted to trail ride. Care if we make it a family outing?” Shepard nodded at him, mouth full of food. Kaidan put hot sauce on the island in front of him and made another plate for his father.

 

“Sounds like a plan, Pop. Ma's already in the barn; she wanted to mess with Wraith again.”

 

Dr Alenko shook his head as he sat next to Shepard, pulling the plate towards him. “She's got more guts than sense some days; she says after your little episode wrestling with him, she's had a breakthrough while working him. I still don't trust that animal.”

 

Kaidan cleaned up the bowls and pans, catching Shepard's gaze. Shepard grinned at him as he glopped a thick layer of apple butter on the toast.

 

“Runs in the family,” he remarked as he licked a smear of the apple spread off his thumb, “Though it comes in handy when your son saves my ass because of it.” He noted with some satisfaction that Kaidan saw what he did and quickly busied himself with scrubbing a pan in the sink. Dr Alenko huffed a small laugh.

 

“I've no doubts, Commander. I'll meet you gentlemen in the barn.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Mrs Alenko was working Wraith on the lunge line when Shepard and Kaidan arrived. Wraith still had the habit of lashing his tail every few steps, but his inside ear was trained on the small woman at the other end of the rope and he was responding to her commands. Kaidan suspected it was simple adolescence that was making Wraith act so sullen. Shepard tugged his sleeve.

 

“What's up?”

 

“Since she's busy, can you teach me how to do some of the stuff you did the first time I rode?”

 

Kaidan chewed his bottom lip, thinking it over. “....maybe. I suppose we can do a quick lesson,” he started, “We'll just have to see if we can get it to 'click' for you. The good news is that we don't have to go catch the horses; they're already in their stalls.”

 

Shepard nodded and went to locate Cinder. Kaidan retrieved the tack and brushes. They silently made quick work of saddling the mare, then started on Commodore. Shepard correctly guessed Kaidan was invading his personal space a little more than he usually would, but he didn't mind. The lieutenant put the English saddle on the gelding's back and started to tighten the girth.

 

“If I'd known you were going back to that saddle, I would have asked you to wear those ridiculous pants again.”

 

Kaidan snorted through his nose.

 

“What? They show off your assets nicely.”

 

“So you've said, John. I wasn't thinking this morning, otherwise I would have.” He left Commodore on the cross-ties and held Cinder while the commander mounted up. He grabbed one of the mare's reins loosely and led the pair out in front of the barn.

 

“Just do some circles and stuff to warm yourselves up, then come see me when you're done.” Shepard nodded, clucking at the coppery horse. Kaidan went back to the arena where his mother was working.

 

“You riding George? Who's Pop going to get on?”

 

“I'm, uh, going to take Wraith. I think he'll be tired enough so it won't be an issue. And I think your father wants to ride Li'l Dred. Could you get him set up, please?”

 

Kaidan raised his eyebrows. “I don't think that's a good idea, but if you say so.” By the time he was done tacking up the draft horse, Shepard was waiting for him. The mare's coat had a sheen of sweat already.

 

“It's really muggy out,” he said as he wiped his brow, “I'm already sweating.”

 

Kaidan positioned himself next to Shepard's left knee, looking up at him.

 

“It happens. We'll probably get some crazy weather in the next few days. Just in time to leave. Anyway, we'll start with a side pass.” Shepard looked at him, asking the question without words. Kaidan led them over to the barn wall, Cinder's nose a few inches from it. He placed a palm on Shepard's thigh and squeezed gently.

 

“You're going to tense up your quad right here, then tap her side with your calf muscle. Picture her moving laterally. The idea is to make her move sideways, no going forward or back. That's why we're against the wall; she can't go forward.” Shepard nodded and tried to push her over. She moved her rear end a couple of steps, but the front stayed where it was. Shepard did the same with the other side to no avail.

 

Kaidan chuckled a bit and moved closer again. He ran his hand down over Shepard's knee and gently gripped the commander's calf muscle. Shepard felt a familiar shiver glide from the contact and pool in the pit of his stomach. “Try tapping her in different spots. If you do closer to her shoulder, she'll move the first half of her body. You just discovered that where you're tapping her currently moves her butt.” He physically placed Shepard's leg in the proper spots and Cinder moved without much complaint. A smirk bloomed on Shepard's face.

 

“You have a very 'hands-on' approach to teaching... I like it,” he joked. Kaidan's ears turned a delicate shade of pink.

 

“Showing is better than telling, Shepard.” They caught sight of Dr Alenko coming towards them and Mrs Alenko leading a fully tacked up black beast out to where they currently were. “Speaking of which, show time. I'll be right back.” Shepard focused on the frothing mass of black hair walking towards him instead of Kaidan's retreating form. Those riding pants definitely would have given him a better view.

 

~*~*~*~

 

“Can't you bring them closer together? I want a picture of you without a mile's distance between you two!” Mrs Alenko was unsuccessfully trying to hold Wraith still and get a picture of Kaidan and Shepard with the mountains behind them.

 

“ _Maaa..._ ” Kaidan good-naturedly groaned, “c'mon, we don't have all day.”

 

“So? I want a picture of my two boys. Move in! I know Commodore can do it. John, just hold her there...” *click* “Got it!” Dr Alenko chuckled as Wraith shifted and his wife scrambled for the reins.

 

“Time to pick up the pace, if you want? Tie your jacket so it doesn't flop around, Kaidan. Don't want anybody to spook.” She quieted the black horse. Wraith was acting surprisingly well behaved.

 

“I don't know why you made me bring it, anyway. It's really warm out,” Kaidan grumbled as he put the sherpa jacket on and rolled up the sleeves. Shepard had opted to stay in his t-shirt before they left the barn. Mrs Alenko hadn't been able to convince him to bring any extra layers.

 

“Because you never know when you might need it. And I'm your mother. Let me mother you,” she replied brightly, “Now let's go!” She cantered the black horse further up the trail, Dr Alenko following on the gray lumbering giant. Shepard was convinced that he could feel the ground shake when Li'l Dred did anything faster than walk.

 

“After you, hot shot,” Kaidan said, gesturing gallantly. The commander grinned at him behind his aviators as he nudged Cinder forward. He still wasn't quite comfortable going incredibly fast, but he trusted the red mare enough that she wouldn't do anything crazy. He hoped she trusted him not to run her into a tree. Kaidan loped his palomino next to Shepard when the trail was wide enough and dropped back to let him go in front when it narrowed. Shepard wondered exactly how far out they were; they had left the orchard behind about a half hour ago and he knew the rows of apple trees were more than a few dozen acres.

 

He heard a break in the steady hoof beats and Kaidan swore. “Hold up!” he heard him call, and he drew Cinder down to a walk, turning back. Kaidan's parents were doubling back. The lieutenant had pulled Commodore up and was checking his equipment, a worried frown etching lines in his forehead.

 

“What's the matter, pumpkin?”

 

“He stumbled and started tossing his head. I don't _think_ his tongue's over the bit...” Kaidan replied to his mother as he asked the horse to walk, but Commodore threw his head every time he took a step. Shepard leaned forward and pointed to the golden horse's left front hoof. “Something's up with his foot. What happened to it?”

 

Dr Alenko got off and held Commodore while his son picked the hoof up. “Shit...he threw a shoe. Took a pretty big chunk of the hoof wall with it, too...damn,” he muttered. He patted the horse's neck and chewed on his bottom lip, thinking.

 

“Can't ride him, not like that,” Dr Alenko said, “This ride just got a lot more complicated.”

 

“How're we going to get everyone home, then?” his wife asked. Wraith snorted and started pawing the ground, not wanting to stop moving. Shepard glanced between the family; he didn't know what to do in this type of situation. He looked at the sky. It was still bright, but the haze had bleached the sky to a bone white.

 

“I'll have to double up with someone and pony Commodore. I don't see any way around it,” Kaidan said, “We'll have to go slow, too. He might split it even worse.” Mrs Alenko pursed her lips.

 

“I think it'd be pushing our luck if we tried it with Wraith. What about your father? Li'l Dred can take the extra weight.”

 

“Yeah, but he's got a really short back,” Dr Alenko said, “Kaidan's not exactly small, honey. Why don't you ride double with me and give Wraith to Kaidan? They can ride a little further and we can take Commodore back. I don't think I have the stamina for long rides like they do anymore, either.” She worked it over in her mind, then gave a curt nod. She dismounted and handed the reins over to Kaidan.

 

“Be safe. Keep an eye on the sky...it's starting to look like it might rain. Cold front must be coming in.” A breeze had started blowing some clouds overhead, rustling the trees.

 

Dr Alenko mounted up, then helped his wife situate herself behind the cantle of his saddle. Commodore was trying to keep as much weight off his foot as he could as they slowly walked back down the trail. Kaidan scurried onto Wraith's back, taking up the slack in the reins. “Here goes nothing,” he said to Shepard as they moved in the opposite direction.

 

~*~*~*~

 

A few hours later found them cresting a grassy knoll. “I think we should probably turn back....sky's looking like it wants to open up any time now,” Kaidan remarked, sliding his sunglasses to the top of his head. The black horse champed at the bit, not wanting to remain still. Cinder had been growing steadily more nervous the further down the trail they went. It put Shepard on edge.

 

“No complaints from me,” Shepard said, patting her neck to reassure himself as much as her, “I want to check her saddle, though; it's been sliding a bit.” He dropped to the ground and checked the girth. It was a little loose and he decided to try to tighten it. Kaidan kept looking at the sky. “Hurry it up, Shep, we're going to get stuck in it. I'd like to be as close as possible to home when that happens; wet jeans suck.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, keep your shirt on...Almost there.”

 

A huge clap of thunder roared around them, startling both horses. Cinder yanked her head away from Shepard, rearing. He scrambled for the reins, but it didn't do any good. She bolted off in the trees, stirrups flapping. Shepard felt his heart sink. Kaidan fought Wraith to a stand-still; the ebony horse wanted to take off after the mare.

 

“Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shitshitshitSHIT!”

 

“Fucking _hell_! Is there anything _else_ that could possibly go wrong?” Kaidan griped. Shepard rubbed the back of his neck.

 

“What do we do?”

 

“I can try to find Cinder if you want to stay here for a few minutes. Maybe I can catch her.” Shepard nodded and watched Kaidan gallop off into the trees. The only thing he could do was watch the sky and pace. Minutes ticked by and cold, fat rain drops started to slowly fall as the air temperature steadily dropped. Finally he heard the steady drumming of hoof beats coming up the trail.

 

Kaidan made for a dashing figure as the black horse charged up the path, Shepard noted, rider moving fluidly with his motion. All he needed was his armor and a lance. The commander couldn't help grinning at the thought as the duo pulled up in front of him. Kaidan had a pinched look about his eyes that lessened as he caught Shepard's smile.

 

“...What?” he asked slowly, a grin spreading on his own face.

 

“My knight in Alliance armor. Come to rescue me?”

 

“Yeah, but you're the ugliest damsel in distress I've ever seen. Now get your ass over here; the only way I see this working is if you use my stirrup to get on. I think if I get off, he's going to bolt and then we'd _really_ be fucked.” Shepard grabbed a fistful of Wraith's mane and somehow swung himself on board; he settled behind the saddle and lightly cupped Kaidan's hips with his hands. The rain started falling a little heavier as thunder rumbled in the background. He shivered in the breeze. He found himself wishing that he'd listened to Mrs Alenko about bringing a sweat shirt or something.

 

“Aren't you worried about Cinder? I mean, does she know how to get home?”

 

“She'll probably just head back to the barn. She was already headed in that direction, and she'll want her dinner eventually.”

 

Kaidan felt Shepard shiver and wriggled out of his jacket, giving it to the other man. Shepard shrugged into it gratefully.

 

“What're _you_ going to do, since I stole your coat?”

 

“Biotics run hot, remember? There's a method to my madness...here,” he said and wrapped Shepard's arms around his torso. Shepard rested his chin on Kaidan's shoulder. “Keep it unzipped and maybe we'll stay somewhat dry.” The heavens took that moment to let loose, drenching the three of them.

 

“You jinxed it, LT.”

 

Kaidan gritted his teeth as he pushed Wraith into a fast clip. He just wanted to get home. Wraith seemed just as miserable as the two of them and didn't seem to have the heart to protest anything anymore. The only good thing to come of the whole situation, Kaidan mused while thunder rumbled in the distance, was that he was able to feel Shepard's hands gripping his waist and his chest pressed against his back. The commander had figured out that he couldn't keep resting his head on Kaidan's shoulder; the ride was too bumpy.

 

The rain tapered to a steady fall as it settled in, soaking the ground. Shepard was nervous; he didn't have any stirrups and the only thing he had to keep him on the horse was holding on to Kaidan. Not that he minded that part. He felt himself getting lulled into a calmer state of mind as Wraith's smooth canter rocked him back and forth.

 

He felt a strange connection to the animal with nothing between them but his jeans; every muscle and breath was magnified and he felt it in his core. Every stride the coal black horse took tilted him against Kaidan and he could feel the lieutenant's heat. Shepard slid his hands across Kaidan's rippling stomach, feeling the muscles flex with the horse's movement. He entertained the idea of dipping a hand lower, but didn't think that it would be a good idea to be that distracting. Shepard settled for slipping his hand underneath the hem of the lieutenant's soaked t-shirt instead, fingertips tracing the soft trail of hair leading down.

 

Kaidan straightened his back and pushed his shoulders into Shepard's chest, giving the commander better access. He pulled Wraith down to a slower pace as he glanced over his shoulder. Shepard brushed his lips over the back of Kaidan's neck, then rubbed his cheek against the lieutenant's. Kaidan's breath hitched, then said, “Not that I don't appreciate where this is headed, but we still need to get home.”

 

“You take all the fun out of life, K.”

 

Kaidan huffed a laugh, then replied, “Uh-huh. Someone needs to keep you in line. I think we're almost there.” He pointed out the neat rows of trees in the distance.

 

“Helluva first date, huh?”

 

Kaidan cracked a smile as he spared a glance back at Shepard again.

 

“Nowhere else I'd rather be, John.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

They were soaking wet when they got back to the barn. Wraith didn't fuss as they put him on cross-ties and unsaddled him; he seemed just as happy to be out of the weather as they were. Shepard peeled Kaidan's jacket off and threw it on a peg. Kaidan's omni-tool had been pinging nonstop once they gotten in range of a service tower; Cinder had shown up at the house and caused a panic. Kaidan had managed to placate his mother enough so that she wouldn't be waiting for them at the barn; she busied herself preparing a hot lunch for them at the house for when they got in.

 

The ebony horse's coat gave off wisps of steam in the chilled air. Shepard thought it was fitting with his name as they brushed him in silence. Kaidan toweled the horse off as much as he could, then blanketed him with a light sheet before walking him back to his stall. Shepard looked in on Commodore while Kaidan attended to Wraith and saw the chunk of hoof wall missing on his front foot. He gave a sympathetic pat to the horse, then went to look for Cinder.

 

She was in her stall as well, head in the back corner, coat darkened by the lingering moisture. “Glad to see you made it back in one piece. I'm fine, horse, thanks for asking,” he grumbled at her. He got a tail swish in response. “Go easy on her, John, she's always been frightened by thunder. This snuck up on us,” Kaidan said, running a hand across the commander's lower back.

 

“I suppose,” Shepard responded, shivering at the touch. He turned to look at the biotic. “Can't deny that the result of her running off wasn't unwanted, though.”

 

“I'll say,” Kaidan said as he looked him up and down slowly, biting his lower lip. He appreciated the wet shirt clinging to the commander's upper body. Shepard lifted his chin defiantly, crossing his arms across his chest.

 

“You're staring, LT. Like what you see?”

 

“And you know it. C'mon, let's go back to the house. There should be enough time for you to shower before heading back to base.” He handed the commander Wraith's bridle and headed to the tack room, shifting the English saddle and its pad in his arms. Shepard followed, glancing at the hay storage. The idea he had the day before wouldn't leave him alone. They stowed the equipment in the proper spots, then looked at each other for a moment. Neither needed to speak; they didn't want to go back because that meant that shore leave was officially ending.

 

With a sigh, Shepard nodded towards the breezeway. “Let's get to it, Alenko.” They shuffled out of the tack room, Kaidan taking twice as long as he usually did to make sure the lights were off and everything was in its place before they started walking back. Shepard looked at the dark opening of the hay storage again and grabbed Kaidan's arm. He pushed the biotic ahead of him in the dim light, rain pattering lightly on the roof. The biotic stumbled slightly at the abrupt change in direction, turning to face him in the semi-darkness.

 

“Shepard, what – _mm_!”

 

He cradled the back of Kaidan's head in his hands, pressing himself against the lieutenant's warm body as their lips met in a searing kiss. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, nerves roiling in the pit of his stomach. Kaidan melted against him after a moment, deepening the kiss. The lieutenant's hands found their way up the back of Shepard's shirt, skin cold from the thin, soaked cloth. Their tongues danced back and forth, desperate to make up for lost time.

 

Shepard finally broke off, eyes closed with his forehead pressed against Kaidan's as he let out a shaky breath. Kaidan hugged him tighter, seeking another kiss. This one was softer and much less urgent. Kaidan gave a light nip on Shepard's lower lip, humming in appreciation. Shepard slid his hands down the back of Kaidan's neck gently, resting his arms on the other man's shoulders. Goosebumps pricked his arms as much from being damp and chilled as from exhilaration. He brushed the tip of their noses together, soft and light as a feather. Eyes still closed, he drew his cheek across the lieutenant's, lips against Kaidan's ear. Kaidan leaned into it, lightly sighing.

 

 

 

“Happy birthday, Kaidan,” he whispered softly.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	17. Wish You Were Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smells like home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *pops champagne cork* So they finally friggin' kissed! Too bad shore leave is over. Once again, no rights to the song “Hooked on a Feeling” by Blue Suede. I swear, Shep was dancing to it in his quarters for 3 days (in my head) after chapt 11 was written. What a dork. And there's one last little bit with the good doctor. I love him so much, hehe.

_**Wish You Were Here**_ , by potionsmaster

 

Rating: T for language.

 

 

 **Chapter 16** : _Wish You Were Here_

 

 

“Vakarian!”

 

 

“Shepard! Thought you might have gotten lost; I was expecting you here earlier,” the turian grasped the commander's forearm and bumped foreheads gently, Alliance personnel flowing around them. He remembered at the last minute that Shepard had bashed his head into another human's and it might still be tender. Shepard huffed an amused noise at the turian, noting the lack of usual force in the friendly greeting.

 

“Something came up, Garrus,” the commander sighed as he adjusted his duffle bag on his shoulder, “Something always manages to come up.” The turian wrinkled his flat nose, inhaling noisily before stepping back..

 

“You smell... _different_.”

 

“Oh? How do I usually smell?” They started up the steps into the admin building. Shepard was curious.

 

“Well, you know, the usual alluring human musk mixed with Alliance issued soap and gun oil,” came the dry reply. Shepard chuckled.

 

“And what's different?”

 

“Well...please don't take this the wrong way, but you smell sort of like a mix of that, Alenko, and _animal,_ though I'm not exactly sure what kind...” They passed through a security check point and entered a side office. Garrus was too polite to inquire, so Shepard answered it for him.

 

“You know, I _did_ stay at his house. And his family has a small farm. One of the horses injured itself this morning and we had to deal with it; it damn near ripped its foot off.”

 

“Hmm,” Garrus' sub-vocals hummed. The secretary manning the desk looked at them expectantly. “Sounds inefficient,” the turian continued as Shepard showed his ID and tags, “Did it do it on purpose?” The commander was handed a clipboard and packet of paper.

 

“I don't think so; it stumbled and pulled its shoe off.” He rifled through the papers, brow furrowed.

 

“Animals on Earth wear shoes? Interesting. How did that cause damage to its foot?”

 

“Animals usually don't; horses are a special case. The way they're used determines if their feet need extra protection. The ones that do need it get shoes nailed on.” Shepard mentally paused as he signed a few supply delivery confirmation sheets. 'Thank you, Alenko, for turning me into an encyclopedia of useless knowledge,' he thought, shaking his head at himself as he scribbled his name. He imagined Kaidan giving him a cheeky wink and replying, “Anything for you, Shep.”

 

“That sounds a little extreme, Commander.”

 

“It doesn't hurt them; it's the same material as human fingernails, just thicker.” He handed the packet of papers back to the secretary and tucked the clipboard underneath his arm, exiting the side office and down the front steps again. They headed towards the dry docks. Garrus was dodging Alliance uniforms, trying to keep up with the commander. The closer he got to the Normandy's mag-lock anchors, the faster Shepard walked; he was anxious to get to his cabin.

 

Garrus caught up to him, puffing a bit from the effort, as they reached the airlock bridge. The decontamination scanner buzzed as the V.I. requested the returning shore party stand by. Shepard rolled his shoulders, restless. The turian was shaking his head.

 

“I still can't imagine how humans come up with some of their ideas on domesticating animals...”

 

“Necessity is the mother of invention, Vakarian. I'll bet some of your farming and livestock care on Palaven would be just as odd to us humans.”

 

“Probably, but I wouldn't know what. I missed that section of history class.”

 

Shepard laughed as the V.I.'s smooth voice chimed, “ _Commander Shepard has the deck. XO Pressly stands relieved,_ ” and the airlock opened. The CIC was uncharacteristically dark, the heatload monitor stations providing minimal light with their orange glow as they walked down the bridge to the stairs.

 

“You're welcome to stay on board if you want, Garrus. I think I'm the only soul tonight otherwise.” They activated their flashlights on their omni-tools as they made their way to crew deck.

 

“That's a kind offer, Shepard, but like you last night, I want to take advantage of civilian lodging for as long as I can. Plus I can have a final meal of proper food, not MREs. I'll stay to help with inventory for the afternoon, though.”

 

Shepard dumped his duffle bag unceremoniously in front of his locker and removed his hoodie from it, pressing it to his nose. Garrus was right; it smelled like a mix of himself, Kaidan, and the clean, earthy smell of horse. He caught sight of the turian's mandibles flexing in the low light.

 

“Just wondering if I could get away without washing it for another few days...” he feebly lied.

 

“I'll tell you right now that I can smell it from over here. I would suggest laundering it immediately.”

 

Shepard shot him a look as he tossed it in his duffle again; he'd keep it in his cabin. “Noted, Vakarian. I think I can get away with it for human standards.” Garrus shook his head.

 

“If you say so, Shepard...”

 

~*~*~*~

 

The turian helped out quite a bit with sorting and organizing the influx of boxes and packages of provisions but had left around dinner time. Shepard had actually turned on some of the crew deck lights as he made himself a small meal of spaghetti and meatballs; MREs had a well-deserved reputation of being tasteless or nasty, but this was one of the better ones in his experience.

 

He had his cabin door open and music playing from his personal console on the desk, loud and echoing in the empty rooms. He had changed into his N7 pajama bottoms. His tags were cold against his bare chest as he allowed himself to get lost in the memories of the past couple weeks. So much had occurred, it was hard to believe. Images of the horses, the Alenkos, the orchard and barn, and Kaidan flickered through his mind, then turned towards some of the more interesting aspects.

 

Shepard was remembering the bar with the heavy flirting and unspoken desire, the club and watching Abigail and Kaidan work the dance floor. The commander said he himself didn't dance, and it was true; he avoided dancing in public like the plague. He never knew what to do with his arms, and besides shifting slightly from one side to the other, he had no clue otherwise what he was supposed to do with his feet. But when Kaidan had molded himself onto Shepard's body and forced him to move with him, _flow_ with him to the music, that was a different story; he still didn't want to do it in public, though. He felt the familiar warm stirrings in his abdomen and a small smile played on his lips.

 

That part of the night was definitely best, by far. He wouldn't mind it happening again. Maybe once the mission was over they'd go to a club for a proper date, if Kaidan's migraines allowed it. He blocked the memory of the lieutenant suddenly sagging in his arms, choosing instead to replay the highlights of the biotic writhing against him and then fast-forwarding to the kiss. The _kiss_. That startling, wonderful, nerve-wracking moment when he thought, 'To hell with it all,' and just acted. There was a brief moment at the beginning where Kaidan had been non-responsive and Shepard's heart had just about stopped with the fear that he made a mistake.

 

“ _OOGA-CHAKA! OOGA-CHAKA! OOGA-OOGA-OOGA-CHAKA! OOGA-OOGA-OOGA-CHAKA! I CAN'T STOP THIS FEELING/ DEEP INSIDE OF ME_!”

 

He was ripped out of his memories with a start; he had forgotten this song was buried in his playlist. Shepard chuckled at himself; the song was utterly ridiculous and fit his mood perfectly. He bobbed his head in time to it as he stirred the sauce, mouthing the words.

 

“ _Girl, you just don't realize/ what you do to me./ When you hold me/ in your arms so tight/ you let me know, everything's alright./ I-I-I-I-I'M HOOKED ON A FEELIN'!! I'M HIGH ON BELIEVING/ THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH MEEEEE!”_

 

He moved the pasta onto a plate, then started pouring the sauce on top.

 

“ _All the good love/ when we're all alone./ Keep it up, girl/ Yeah, you turn me on.../I-I-I-I-I'M HOOKED ON A FEELIN'!!”_

 

Shepard stuck a fork in the middle of the food and started pulling down a cup from the cabinet.

 

“Well, _you're_ in a good mood...” a sarcastic voice rang out. He jumped and whipped around, ears flaming.

 

“What the _fuck_ , Joker?”

 

The pilot was slowly working his way to the mess table on his crutches, choking back a laugh. Shepard stomped into his quarters and shut the music off, releasing the door to close again. He paused, debating whether he should put on a shirt, then decided he didn't care. When he came back out he saw the other man settle into a chair with a sigh of relief.

 

“Well?”

 

“Well, what?” came the snarky reply. Shepard fixed him with a look.

 

“You're not due back until tomorrow. Why are you here?”

 

Joker heaved another gusty sigh.

 

“I got tired of the barracks, so I've been coming back to sleep in the pilot chair. I saw the lights on down here and came to look. And I was not disappointed. Nice outfit, bee tee dubs.”

 

Shepard put his plate down across from his helmsman, glaring at him as he sat down. He ignored the last comment.

 

“So...good shore leave, Commander?”

 

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

 

“Meet anybody special?”

 

Shepard stalled by taking a big bite. Joker wasn't deterred as he watched the commander push food around his plate.

 

“Yeah, you did...Otherwise why would you be listening to that ancient shit?”

 

Shepard huffed a laugh.

 

“No, I didn't. It's a good song.”

 

“Uh-huh. She must be special indeed to catch _your_ attention,” Joker said, observing his commander. The heat was back in Shepard's ears. “Nobody denies that you have balls the size of an attack drone, but there is some curiosity if they get used for more than teabagging synthetics.” Shepard winced at the mental image.

 

“I didn't meet anybody, but thank you for your concerns in my personal life.”

 

“Whatever you say, Commander....must've at least gotten laid; you're in too good of a mood.”

 

“Again. No. Did not meet anybody. And even if I did, I wouldn't kiss and tell.”

 

“You sly dog...you _totally_ did,” Joker smirked at him. He saw the red ears. Shepard continued to eat and outright ignored the pilot. “Alright, fine. Maybe you didn't. But you _thought_ about it.”

 

“No comment.”

 

“Yep. Commander Shepard is a sleaze ball in his mind.”

 

“Only when I think about you, Joker.”

 

The pilot blinked in astonishment, mouth open. He had heard Shepard be sarcastic before, but never that crass. The commander laughed. “I'm only messing with you,” he smirked.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Kaidan rested his forearms on the railing of the balcony the next day, watching the seagulls wheel and cry over the rough waves in English Bay. He was still reeling from yesterday's events; so much had happened in such a short amount of time, he wasn't sure if any of it was real or not.

 

Well.

 

He knew for certain _one_ part of it was real. His lips burned with the memory of the kiss when he thought about it. The urgency, the desperation, the _want_...the way John's chest heaved, uncertain if he should or could, but taking the chance anyway. He remembered the surprise of it, the disbelief that it actually was happening, and the surge of joy when he realized that yes, it really, truly _was_ happening.

 

The sliding glass door hissed open, disrupting his thoughts. Dr Alenko joined him on the balcony, mimicking his son.

 

“Your mother is upset she couldn't be here to see you off this afternoon. She wanted to be here.”

 

“I know, Pop, she was ranting about it this morning before we left. The farrier was having trouble getting the epoxy patch to set properly for Commodore's hoof.”

 

“Yeah. She's coming up after they're done with him. We're going to stay in Vancouver to watch the Normandy launch; we usually don't get the chance to see your vessel leave. It'll be bittersweet.”

 

Kaidan nodded, looking towards Esquimalt in the distance. He could barely see the hull in dry dock. She was dwarfed by the cruisers that were also stationed there. He wondered where on the base Shepard was and what he was up to. No doubt Garrus was tailing him; ever since the commander had agreed to take the turian on board, Vakarian was never far behind.

 

“I can't believe she teared up when you left to drop Shepard off at the air shuttle yesterday. You'd think she was serious about adopting him into the family.” The doctor glanced at his son and noticed a slight flush appear on his cheeks. He grinned and swiped his hand down Kaidan's face. “You've got red on you,” he teased. The blush deepened and Kaidan gave him an exasperated smile back.

 

“It's nothing.”

 

“Uh-huh. You must really take me for an idiot, son. Shall we go over the clinical signs? Or just the massive hints you both were dropping?” He nudged Kaidan's elbow. “Either you're a champion knucklehead for being completely oblivious or you both are so wrapped up with your own thoughts, you completely miss the other one's intentions. I'm not sure which is funnier.”

 

“Is there a point to this? Because I distinctly remember _not_ asking your opinion about my personal life.”

 

“Just be careful, Kaidan. I wasn't joking when I said I didn't want to see you in trouble with the brass. Either of you.”

 

The biotic shook his head. “I don't think that'll be a problem, Pop...or, at least, I _thought_ it wouldn't be a problem before yesterday. We talked about stuff, and we both agreed we can't break regs; too much is at stake.”

 

“What happened yesterday?”

 

“Well...” the blush came back in full force, “We were in the hay storage, and...”

 

“What _is_ it with you and the damn hay storage?” Dr Alenko interrupted as Kaidan buried his burning face in his arms, “That is not what I built it for. You don't need to go any further, I can draw my own conclusion.” Kaidan muttered something unintelligible. “Whatever you say, son. Please use protection, that's all I ask.”

 

“Oh. My. _God_ _!_ I can _not_ believe you are talking about this,” Kaidan pulled his head up abruptly, giving his father a wide-eyed look of horror.

 

“If you won't take the advice from your old man, take it from an old Alliance doctor. Trust me, Kaid, 'no fraternizing' was a nice idea, but I'm sure you know as well as I do that it happens. Condoms are like bullets. You want to have them on hand and not need them instead of needing them and not having them.”

 

Kaidan buried his burning face again, wishing the floor would swallow him. “This conversation is over, Pop. Nothing is going to happen between Shepard and me, and that's that. We're both Alliance officers, and the mission comes first. End of story.”

 

“...until hormones and stress get the better of you, like yesterday.”

 

“ _End of story_.”

 

“Oh, lighten up. I'm just teasing. I'm happy for you. You guys look good together. And to my eyes, you're good _for_ each other, too.” Kaidan rolled his head to the right, glaring up at his father. Dr Alenko had an amused smirk on his face.

 

“...thank you for that, you're only making this more difficult.”

 

“I do what I can,” Dr Alenko said as he clapped a hand on his son's shoulder, giving it a friendly shake. He left his son on the balcony, emotions as tumultuous as the water below.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Shepard stomped around base in his BDU's and combat boots, closely followed by Garrus. He was pressed into signing last minute forms, clearance reports, and requisition delivery documents. He didn't realize how accustom to cowboy boots and jeans he had become; he felt almost restricted in his fatigues. He had met with the Vancouver Alliance Council branch informally earlier that morning regarding a private tour and inspection before the Normandy's launch in two days. It hadn't taken much to convince them to take a look at the ship; he figured since he had made that excuse to stay an extra day he might as well make good on it.

 

On his way back from the Council Chambers, he saw a small gift shop with postcards in the window. Shepard remembered telling Mrs Alenko he didn't have many personal effects, and he wasn't usually sentimental about much, but he thought it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to have a physical reminder of shore leave this time. He tapped Garrus on the elbow to get his attention and nodded towards the store. The turian gave him a weird look but followed anyway.

 

Shepard started sifting through the display rack, looking at some of the options. Garrus perused the next set, mandibles slightly flexing.

 

“Seems like such a silly thing, you know...”

 

“What does?” the commander replied, not looking up. He had chosen one that had a picture of English Bay at night that had _Wish You Were Here_ scrawled across it and another that showed the Vancouver skyline with _Greetings From Sunny Vancouver!_ printed on the bottom.

 

“Having mementos and trinkets to remind you of places you've been. Post cards are one of the better ways to do it, though. Less surface area to collect dust.”

 

Shepard snorted at that, going through the cards once more to make sure he didn't like any of the other ones. He glanced over at the tour guides and books, debating on if he should get a French dictionary. He decided against it; the extranet would probably be able to give him what he needed and it wouldn't look weird if he looked on his omni-tool or datapad. Paper-bound books tended to stand out a bit on the starship. He moved to the sales kiosk and scanned his items.

 

“I suppose. But it's the little things that remind you of the best times that get you through the worst. I have a feeling there aren't going to be many good memories for us in the next few months. These'll help.”

 

He pocketed his credit chit and tucked the postcards into one of his fatigues' cargo pockets. They headed back towards the ship, sky still a lingering gray. Shepard saw a large group of Alliance military police swarming and a bellow of indignation rang out.

 

“I think Wrex is back,” he sighed as they headed towards the group, “Let's go rescue him.” Garrus nodded.

 

“I see his armor. That can't be good...”

 

“Dare I ask what the job entailed?”

 

“From what I understand, nobody died. Other than that, I have no details.” Shepard scowled as they approached. They heard the krogan battlemaster protesting.

 

“I already told you, I'm with the Normandy! Shepard is expecting me,” the krogan's deep voice ground out. Shepard pushed his way into the center of the group, standing in front of Wrex.

 

“Is there a problem, gentlemen? The krogan's with me.” He crossed his arms across his chest, staring at the officer in charge.

 

“This krogan was implicated in a brawl in town. Something about a floating varren fighting ring.” The officer pulled out a sheaf of papers and gave them to the commander. Shepard perused them, brow furrowed.

 

“Wrex? Does any of this sound familiar to you?” he asked nonchalantly.

 

“Not at all, Commander. I stayed in the barracks.” Garrus' mandibles twitched ever-so-slightly.

 

“Well...There you have it. Wrong krogan. This one was in the barracks for the past couple of weeks,” Shepard said brightly as he handed back the papers. The officer looked skeptical.

 

“We have video footage of him smashing two vorcha together.” Shepard glanced back at Wrex, then focused back on the officer.

 

“You're mistaken. What's your brother's name, Wrex?”

 

“Wreav.”

 

Shepard just blinked at the officer. The other man sighed. “That doesn't mean it was his brother. We have the same pattern of scars on the vids as he has now. It's a positive ID, Commander.”

 

“That's _Spectre_ -Commander to you. And I'm telling you he is crucial to my mission. He's coming with me.”

 

“Sir, I don't think-”

 

“Spectre authority holds precedence. Take it up with the council if you don't like it,” Shepard growled at him. The man faltered. “We're done here,” Shepard said and motioned for the turian and krogan to follow. Once they were out of earshot, Shepard rounded on Wrex.

 

“What in the hell happened?” he asked incredulously.

 

“I got hired on for some small protection work. It happened to be at the varren pits. Not very bad at all, if you don't mind a bit of boring work for creds.”

 

“Sounded like it got interesting,” Garrus broke in, “Did you bet?”

 

Wrex's laugh rumbled, “It's unprofessional to bet while on the job. Otherwise I would have won the jackpot.” Shepard scoffed in exasperation.

 

“This better be the only unplanned mission from you while you're under my command. Can you stay out of trouble for one whole day?”

 

Wrex laughed. “I _always_ stay out of trouble, Shepard. It's trouble that seeks _me_ out. ” Shepard shook his head.

 

“I'd actually stay in the barracks until your scheduled arrival time or come early on the ship. Your choice.” Wrex thought about it for a minute.

 

“Hmm...I have a few loose ends to tie up before coming aboard...I'll catch up with you later.”

 

“No more vorcha-smashing! I can only pull so many strings...” Wrex just laughed as he walked towards one of the taller buildings.

 

“No promises, Shepard...” the krogan grumbled over his shoulder. The commander and the turian watched his form shrink in the increasing distance. Garrus squinted up at the clouds as they started walking back towards the ship.

 

“If you had told me a few months ago I would be working with a krogan on a human ship, I would have laughed in your face.” Shepard snorted.

 

“Would you have believed you'd be on the human home planet, either?”

 

“No...And I won't miss the weather, I can tell you that much. Palaven doesn't get nearly as much precipitation.”

 

“From your descriptions of your home planet, I'm surprised it doesn't rain lava.”

 

Garrus rolled his eyes; it was a human gesture he had unwittingly picked up. They crossed the airlock bridge and waited for the decontamination scan to complete.

 

“It practically does.”

 

“ _Commander Shepard has the deck. XO Pressly has been relieved_.”

 

“I never want to go to Palaven.”

 

The turian barked out a laugh as they made their way down the CIC. It was livelier than yesterday as various crew members and staff filtered in, booting up the computers and doing pre-flight routines. Shepard headed towards the stern, nodding at the guard by the staircase as they went through the sliding door. Garrus muttered something about calibrating the Mako's shocks in preparation for the next mountain Shepard wanted to drive off the side of, and headed to the elevator to the cargo and hangar bay.

 

The commander tipped his head at the turian, then entered his cabin. He was trying not to be disappointed that he hadn't seen Kaidan yet; there were still a few hours left before he needed to report for duty again, but the lieutenant was usually early. He sighed as he pulled the postcards out from his pocket. Memories came flooding back as he gazed at the picture of English Bay after dark. He smiled sardonically at it as he turned it over in his hands. He found it ironic that he had spent most of leave physically next to the biotic, but still wishing he were there 'with' him. Now that they were back on the ship, any prospect of continuing the relationship was impossible.

 

He sighed. Not that he could afford the distraction; Saren and the geth were still out there and probably stronger than ever. Too many unanswered questions were hanging over his head. After a few more moments of gazing at the postcards, he tucked them into his nightstand drawer and left his cabin.

 

“Come here often?” a warm, husky voice saucily called out. Shepard grinned and turned about, a familiar skitter of pleasure running up his spine. Kaidan was back, dressed sharply in his fatigues, and messing with the console interface again, just like always.

 

“How do you say 'yes' in French?”

 

It was good to be home again.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ends their shore leave. Thank you all so much for reading! Their story ain't over by a long shot. I'll be posting illustrations periodically to go with some of the scenes.


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